


Losing my religion

by ChindyAlo



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2014-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-25 21:18:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 56,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChindyAlo/pseuds/ChindyAlo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn and Kurt are married. They have a daughter, they love each other, they have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and it'd never be the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. True colors

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: PG-13 this chapter
> 
> Warnings: Future fic but following the canon story until episode 21 of S3 and some changes and exceptions. You'll notice them during the story of this fic. 
> 
> Special notes: The idea of this fic came to me way before Cory's tragic death. I don't want to offend his memory by the general plot of this fic and I'm committed to write this because I love Kinn but also because I want to honor Cory's memory. This fic has a special dedication to him.

_But i see your true colors_ **  
**Shining through **  
**I see your true colors **  
**And that's why i love you

_It happened on a Thursday._  

Kurt loved Thursdays, the day preceding the weekend. He still had to do many duties for his job in the magazine, of course, but he knew that at the end of that day, when he got home, he'll be one step from Friday, and Friday means only one thing: freedom. This Thursday wasn't the exception. He was humming while he was ending to prepare breakfast and watching Elizabeth, his two year old,  who was drawing and talking to herself. 

“Finn!” Kurt yelled, after he checked the clock and looking at the ceiling since the other man was on the second floor. “Have you seen the time?!”

The sound of heavy steps on the top floor indicated him that the other man had heard him. But, of course, it seemed to be very difficult for Finn to make an appropriate verbal answer.

“Dedde! ellow!” said the kid, raising with happiness her coloring book showing him her masterpiece.

Kurt placed the dishes with food on the table and walked to the highchair where the little girl was sitting. He took the coloring book and smiled proudly. At least this time she had successfully named the colour that she had actually used.

“Very well, Elizabeth! But it's 'daddy' not 'dedde', ok? You have to say it like 'dad' but in the diminutive form” he explained bowing to her height and watching her very seriously, the girl was now looking at him so fascinated, her two big blue eyes shining with excitement and listening him very carefully  like she really was understand what he was saying. “And it's not 'ellow', honey, it's 'yellow'. Got it? Repeat: Yellow. Ye-llow, it's not..."

“Oh come on, Kurt. Could you please leave Elly alone for one day? The poor girl is only two, don't expect her to start talking like you,” said Finn with a smirk entering in the kitchen. Kurt straightened and rolled his eyes while he went for two cups to fill them with coffee.

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" the girl began to yell moving in her chair but unable to get up because of the belt that held firmly in her place. Finn unbuckled it and took the girl in his arms to start playing with her by tossing her slightly toward the ceiling.

"For your information, Finn Hudson, it's a scientific fact that children can talk as any adult so if they are raised with the appropriate vocabulary from the beginning of their existence. So yes, I'll keep correcting Elizabeth the times she needs it, thank you very much" he recited, sitting down after having finished, placing everything that was needed on the table for the breakfast.

Finn chuckled a little and shook his head with an expression of fun saying nothing more. And with the girl still in his arms, he sat next to Kurt smiling and began chopping the fruit on the kid's plate and started give her food in her mouth making sounds of cars every time he moved the spoon to the little girl.

"Finn, what did we say about keep giving her food in her mouth? She is perfectly capable of taking the spoon and take it to her mouth, and she should learn to eat in her chair, not on your lap." said Kurt without anger but a little impatient.

Finn pouted before answering.

"Oh, come on, Kurt, she's just a baby! It wasn't long ago that she ate baby food. Don't push her to grow up so quick!" He was watching her with devotion and making little noises  of happiness every time she took a bite, the girl joyfully accepted food although half of it was on her lap. She giggled at the noises made by Finn who never stopped playing with the spoon.

Kurt smiled by the sight he had and let out a sigh of resignation and simply pursue his attention to his own breakfast trying not to lose the facade of seriousness every time his husband made different voices to narrate a new adventure of the train, boat, airplane, or any means of transport that was the spoon before reaching the "cave". When he finished eating, he picked up his empty dishes and placed them in the dishwasher, but when he saw that Elizabeth _and Finn_ were both messy from eating, he feel like putting the two of them in the dishwasher. How could a man of thirty years end up a mess by giving food to his daughter? Well, that man was not just any person, Finn Hudson used to be the exception to... basically everything. 

"Success!" Finn announced triumphantly and rising from his seat with the girl in his arms that laughed and applauded. "Time to change this little girl that has been attacked by monster-food!"

"Look who says it," Kurt murmured,  finishing to clean the table. Finn was again heading upstairs with Elizabeth.

Ten minutes later, the kitchen was all clean and Kurt sat at the table reviewing the items that he had to deliver, finished and corrected for the next day.  He wanted to bring forward the most he could because he knew that everything would be chaos in the office that day because it was the end of the month. That meant the new publication of the magazine and the last thing he wanted tonight was staying up late working on those items. He loved the Thursdays, yes, but not when he had to pass their nights working late at night. The sound of the doorbell broke his concentration, he sighed and got up to open to Anne, the girl in charge picking up Elizabeth to take to day care.

"Finn, hurry up!" Kurt yelled toward the stairs. "Hi Anne. Come on in.”

"Good morning, Mr. Hummel," greeted the girl who, honestly, was not so young to call him sir, but Kurt had already surrendered a long time trying to convince her to call him 'Kurt' and it never worked.

"Good morning," said Kurt and looked forward to the ceiling. "I better go for them before you're late." He excused himself and went to his daughter's room where Finn was closing the diaper bag while Elizabeth, dressed in clean clothes, played with some toys that were around where she was sitting.

"Why did you put her in those clothes, Finn? Didn't you see the outfit that I left here?" asked pointing a blue dress and watching his daughter with indignity that was wearing a gaudy pink dress.

"Yes, I saw it, but you can't make her wear blue clothes all the time. Kurt, she's a _girl_ , you know? Pink is for girls, and  blue is for boys." Finn said

"No, Finn, you know there is no such a thing as colours for girls and boys. That idea is an aberration for fashion sense because not all women can wear pink, and not all men can wear blue," explained combing the girl's hair. "In addition, Elizabeth has blue eyes, the colour pink opaques them, but when she wears blue, it highlights her beautiful eyes," Kurt said, carrying the kid in his arms. He knew it was too late so there was no time to change her clothes, plus his job was combing her hair because, honestly, Finn was a mess trying to fix Elizabeth's hair.

"Whatever you say, dude," said Finn, smiling and kissing his cheek and then Elizabeth's forehead. "You're the genius in fashion, after all." Kurt smiled with affection. Then, the two men walked to the first floor while they were discussing how they should dress the little girl without traumatizing her with wearing only one color the rest of her life. The girl was laughing, watching the exchange of words between her two dads.

"Hey, Anne!" Finn greeted her ignoring  Kurt's last comment about his completely lack of fashion and the fact that that hadn't traumatize him yet, so Elizabeth would be just fine wearing more blue than anything.

"And among all the pink shades that have had to choose, you chose the less flattering for her skin. Please, Finn, one would expect that you had already acquired some fashion sense at this point in our marriage," finished Kurt as he handed the girl to Anne who took her with a big smile, the girl laughed even more, she really loved her nanny.

"Hi, Mr. Hudson," said the girl, blushing like she did  every time she saw Finn. 

"Did you put everything in the diaper bag?" asked Kurt. Finn nodded, reciting the list of everything that had been placed in the diaper bag just to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything. Anne looked at them with the same fascination that Elizabeth did. The girl had been dazzled by Finn from the time she had known him, her crush on him was so lovely that Kurt could not even get jealous or annoyed about that, besides, Finn, as the king of the distraction he was, had never realized of that. 

"Ok, everything is fine," said Kurt when Finn finished and then directed his attention to Anne "Can you bring her later today? It's the end of the month and I'll stay a little bit longer at the office." Anne nodded.  "Thank you," he replied.

"Say goodbye to your dads, Elly" said Anne to Elizabeth, once she was presentable and ready to go.

"Elizabeth," corrected Kurt.  He did not like the sound of the diminutive of the name, it just made it lose strength.

"Goodbye, beautiful. Behave yourself and remember that it's 'yellow' and not 'ellow', ok?" Finn said with joy. kissing the cheek of the girl who laughed when her father imitated Kurt's voice.  Kurt just rolled his eyes, but smiled at their daughter and said goodbye with a kiss on the forehead. They both stayed at the door to see  Anne taking the child in the stroller to the day care, as she did every morning.

Kurt looked at them trying to ignore the little worry and anxiety that he always felt when he saw his little daughter going from the house without either of her dads, Finn's arms surrounding him from behind and brought him to reality. He smiled as he felt the warmth of Finn's body behind him and leaned on his chest. Finn stroked his cheek against his and put his head leaning on his shoulder.

"You all right?" asked in a whisper, kissing softly his neck. Kurt turned not resisting the  hug to stay and turned  face to face. Finn nodded and smiled before Kurt to bow down and kiss him sweetly. 

But then Finn deepened the kiss and pressed his body against his as much as possible so Kurt, still corresponding to the kiss that was becoming increasingly passionate, closed the door behind him. He didn't want that the neighbors start bothering them with homophobic comments, just for kissing with the door open.

"Let's go to our room," murmured Finn, kissing his neck and Kurt groaned. He loved the sensation but it had to stop him before he couldn't stop himself.

"Can't. I still have to prepare my stuff and I'm sure Paul woke up with an unbearable mood today and I will be his target shooting" said Kurt kissing him one more time before he let go, Finn sighed but left him go with a little resistance.

"Fine."

The two men walked into the kitchen and Kurt sat as he took the articles he had been reading and began to put them in order reviewing the notes he had written on them during the last month. Finn served a two cups of coffee on the table while Kurt was finishing the organizing papers.

"Hey, Kurt?" Finn asked hesitantly, as he sat next to him and preparing the coffee for Kurt knowing perfectly well how he liked to drink it.  Kurt nodded with his head in a sign that he was listening to him but didn't look up from the papers. "You don't have plans for Saturday, right?"

Kurt frowned and finally looked up but not watching Finn, he looked at the ceiling as he remembered his plans for this weekend, after a couple of seconds he looked back at the papers and said, "Nope, tomorrow is the end of the month so today I'll just finish to out in order my section of in the magazine and then will be free until next week. Why? Do you have any plans?" 

Finn played with his cup of coffee before answering.

"Well, yes. Max  is planning a meeting at his house and invited to all from workshop and their families. It's not formal, just a meeting celebrating the end of the month, we don't even have to dress up," he said with a nervous smile.

This time, though, still looking at the papers, Kurt had focused on Finn but gave no sign of it, but it was more than obvious the immediate tension that had reached to his body, Finn could see in his face that was struggling to not show a clear expression of displeasure.

"Now that you mention it, yes, I have plans. Sorry, I forgot. But you can go, have fun and everything. I'll take Elizabeth with me so don't worry about her." He talked very fast and started to put all the papers in his portfolio without much care. Finn snorted in exasperation, he already knew this was going to happen, it was a safe bet, but not for that he ceased to be upset and disappointed.

"You don't have plans, Kurt. What happens is that you don't want to go."

Kurt, who had already left the table and began to prepare, as every morning, a snack to take to work, didn't look at him even once.

"Then why did you ask me if you already knew the answer?" he said trying to hide his irritation.

"Because I would love if you go with me, Kurt. You are my husband and I wish you were with me at parties and gatherings of my work and my friends. But you never do go, you always have a good excuse not to go with me."

"Of course not!" he raised his voice with a outrageous tone and looking into his face. "Don't you remember that recently I went with you to that silly car race?"

Finn looked at him with a nuisance that shook Kurt a bit.

"That was months ago and we went with your father, Kurt! None of my friends was there. The only and last time that you dared to go to one of the meetings in my work was more than a year ago!"

Kurt began to lose patience, he really did not want to have that conversation because he knew it would lead to anything good.

"Well, and that doesn't mean anything to you?"

"Yes it does. It means that you do not want to go out with me when it comes to my own interests" said reproachfully.

Kurt could not help to rolle his yes, he had enough stress at work so the fact that Finn was so disposed to start a fight out of nothing was insupportable. He snorted and placed firmly his mold with his snack on the table splashing a little of its contents on the ground but he didn't even care.

"You know that's not true, Finn. I always go with you to the parties that you want to go to, to that stupid crowded field, where people are rude and without any sense of personal hygiene."

Finn, who until then had been trying to be calm, turned to him in a manner so sudden that made Kurt jump helplessly.

"Stupid crowded field, where people are rude and without any sense of personal hygiene?" he repeated coldly. Kurt knew right away that he had crossed the line and regret it immediately but he couldn't say anything because Finn was clearly angry "You know what? Forget it, if it means a great sacrifice for you to go with me to the places where I, for once, may be enjoying something, I better go alone. You go out to your great gateways and to the highest society events where you won't have to sacrifice yourself hang out with people without any sense of personal hygiene like me."

Oh of course! If there was something that Finn had learned from him for being with Kurt had been to play the role of the dramatic victim.

"Do not exaggerate, Finn. I've never said that you were that, don't put words in my mouth." said Kurt, crossing his arms.

"When you talk that way about the places I like to go, you're talking about me." he responded imitating the gesture. Finn's eyes were full of anger but also full of  deep pain.

"That's not true! Damn it, why do you always have to take things to the other side of their meanings? Why don't you understand that if I want to go to that meeting is not because of you or your tastes, but because I don't want to be in a place where I know beforehand that I will not be well received?" his voice softening a bit "It is so difficult to understand that, Finn?"

"What? Come on, Kurt! What are you talking about? My friends and co-workers have always treated you well, you're the one who does not give them any chance to know you better."

Kurt opened his mouth and he seemed to freeze for a moment and then looked at him with deep anger.

"That is not true. Your colleagues can be very nice with you, but not with me. That time when I went to your meeting I was their jester, I was treated like joke all the time. They were making fun of my clothes, my voice, my vocabulary... shit! they even laughd at how I walked. I was nothing but the laughing stock of the meeting"

"They're dudes, Kurt! They mock at _everybody_!" said Finn raising his arms with exasperation "But that doesn't mean they hate you or they're going to hurt you or anything like that."

Kurt snorted not saying anything.

"Look, remember that Puck was like that even when you were friends and you were cool with that..."

"Who said I was cool with that?" asked Kurt, indignant "I always hated when he talked to meas if I was a clown fallen from a rainbow, but he was Puck. I already knew that he would never change and I accepted that. But I didn't know your friends and they didn't even try to treat me well. I'm sorry but I don't want to know them any better that I already do"

"Oh yeah? How about your fabulous friends, uh? Every time I go to your work or accompany you to an event from the magazines, they treat me like if I were some kind of hologram, flirting with me but laughing because I don't get anything that they're talking about," he said with increased anger "And I never complain, you know why? Because I know how much you love to go there, so if you're happy with that, then I'm happy too!"

Kurt was speechless for a few seconds.

"Are you saying that I don't want you to be happy?" he asked, not believing what the other had hinted and Finn shrugged which meant that he actually believed that "How can you think that?" whispered Kurt.

"I don't want to think that. But I can't help to feel that you want me to be someone else all the time, that if you go inside my world you'd find out that you married with the wrong person.” 

This time neither of them were screaming, which was worse because their voices were full of pain and sadness. 

"Finn, I love you just how you are. I don't want you to change," he walked to him but Finn stayed away from him not looking in the face. And Kurt knew that this wasn't about the meeting, not anymore. "Finn, please, talk to me."

"I just... you're always critizing me, pointing my simplicity, my clothes, the way I talk, and I... I'm not enough for you, right?"

Kurt felt a deep pain in his chest, he never thought that Finn felt that way, yes he had the bad habit of talk to Finn that way, it was something that he did since they were in high-school, but he never meant to hurt him. And the last thing he wanted was Finn changing the way he was. He loved everything about him.

"I'm really sorry if I made you feel that way, Finn" his eyes trying to meet his but he was avoiding his eyes just like he always did when he felt so vulnerable "I don't want you to change, I don't want anyone else but you, Finn. I love you" he stroked his cheek, but Finn didn't say anything "I mean it, I love you the way you are."

"You don't see it, right?"

"See what?"

"That you love me but you'd never forgive me for not being like you, for not being completely gay even when I'm married to you." This time he was looking at him and there was nothing in his eyes but a strong certainty of his words. 

Kurt's mouth dropped with shock.

"What? Where it does that come from? I don't want you to be like me, and I certainly don't need you to be 'more gay' since we've been married for six years! Why are you saying such a ridiculous thing?"

"I'm saying it because that's what I see, that's how you act and you don't even notice, Kurt!"

"Well, I say that you're being ridiculous!"Kurt  replied turning not wanting to see him, but Finn took a step forward.

"Oh, really?" he asked with irony and Kurt turned to see him frowning and clearly angry "Then why do you look at me with suspicion every time I talk to a woman? Why there's always that look of expectation, like if you were almost expecting me to do some move when I'm talking to a woman?"

Kurt blinked with surprise.

"What? I don't... I've never thought that you're going to cheat on me!" this was turning so ridiculous and out of line for him and he didn't know how all this was happening or how to make it stop. "Look, you know that I've always being kind of  jealous but that doesn't... what?" he asked when he saw Finn shaking his head.

"No, Kurt. This is not about jealousy, I know you get jealous sometimes, just as I do, and that's just fine... But when it comes to be a woman talking to me, even in the more friendly way, you look at me like if I were about to do something with them. That's not being jealous, Kurt, that's distrust."

"Finn, you're being ridiculous" he repeated, although this time he wasn't angry nor shocked as he was seconds ago, he felt hurt "I.. ok, I know how I get when strange women talk to you, especially if they're flirting, but it's not about you because I know you'd not cheat on me, and  I know you still like women and I've accepted that, but I..."

"You're just expecting the moment when I stop being the gay enough to drop you so you can finally say that you're fears had argument all these years, right?" he asked with an visible pain "And then you'll prove that you and I was always a part of my life that was managed just by an bicurious phase, right?" he said feeling that he was correct and when Kurt, with wide eyes and pale face, he felt that he was giving hin the reason. "See? You can't even deny it"

Kurt's voice broke.

"F-Finn, don't..." Finn was walking away from him and Kurt started to follow him but that was the moment when his phone rang and Kurt had to checked it out because that was the tone that he had set for his office phone, and he didn't want to answer, he didn't want Finn to leave thinking that way about him but then he saw the time and knew that he would be  in trouble with his boss.

"Answer the phone," said Finn when he saw that Kurt was hesitating. "I don't want you to be in trouble at work because of me. Besides, I have to go too. I'm done with this anyway," he said, not looking at him and leaving the kitchen.

Kurt almost let drop his phone at the last Finn's words. _Done with this?_ What did that mean? But he couldn't think longer about that because his phone was still ringing and he had to answer.

 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* 

If it wasn't because his boss put hysterical at the end of each month, it was most likely that Kurt would have been in a state of lethargy and depression during that day at work (drama queen par excellence, of course). But being late and had already cost him a good lecture from Paul, his boss, and the less he wanted was to get penalized for not paying attention to his work. Although, when it finally came time to rest, he couldn't help reliving the fight he had had with Finn. And it hurt so much. It was clear that they didn't have a perfect marriage, there was no such thing, and the two of them used to have discussions all the time about trivial stuff, and sometimes they had real fights. But Kurt knew this figh had been very different to any other they had had before and that worried him more than he could admit it. But the shock, the pain and the pride would not let him call Finn to his work now he had free time and try to work things out. So he decided to call Mercedes because he couldn't shut up everything he felt and thought, not for more longer. 

"Why, hello, Kurt Hummel. What a surprise!" greeted Mercedes.

"Umh, hi. Are you going to be very busy today?" he asked without much success to conceal his depressing mood.

He heard a small laugh and Kurt rolled his eyes. Mercedes knew him so well, too well in his opinion.

"Why was the fight this time, Kurt? Do not tell me you came back to do a purge of his wardrobe without asking for his approval first?" she asked clearly amusing and remembering the last fight had been between the two men just two weeks earlier.

"No, Mercedes. The disastrous clothes of my husband is still intact in his closet" he replied with a hint of bitterness and then sigh and said "We fought this morning, but this time was very different than before. It's the worst fight we've had, I assure you "

"You always say it's the worst fight you have had, baby" Mercedes said calmly "I'm pretty sure you'll figured out everything for tomorrow and also have reconciled in the dirty way" ended with a tone of mockery and fun.

Kurt snorted.

"I doubt too much that we'll be reconciled before the end of the year," he replied gloomily, "I'm serious, Mercedes. I'm ... I have fear that this time it can't be fixed"

And he must have sounded really distressed because Mercedes stop joking and asked him to tell her what exactly had happened. And Kurt did it, he told her everything grateful that his friend not interrupted at any time. When he had said everything, half of his hour break was over, but he didn't care, it wasn't as if I had appetite anyway.

A slight sigh Mercedes came before her words.

"Look, Kurt. I hate to say this, and you know you're my best friend and I love you very much. But I think I have to agree with Finn this time" 

"Mecedes!" he yelled indignantly, then looked around remembering that he was at work but he was still all alone in the office. He decreased the tone of his voice when he spoke "Do you really think I have a dark side of me that hopes that Finn finished leaving me for a slippery slut?"

"Of course I do not believe that, Kurt. What I mean is that Finn feels that way because you give him those signals "

"Mercedes, you know I love Finn more than my own life, why would I want him to leave me? Why would I give such signs when I'm aware every day that being married to him is the best thing that happened to me? "

"It is precisely that why you send those signals, Kurt. Do not you realize that despite the years you have been together, despite having a beautiful daughter and being a precious family, you still can not believe that he chosen you, that he truly loves you as you love him? "

Kurt opened his mouth to reply but he was half speechless.

"I ... is not that I don't believe it. I just..." and he said no more for a few seconds. "It's hard to believe it when he was the straighter guy in high school, when he yelled at me all those things on first year"

"I know you love Finn, Kurt, and he also knows it, but you should stop acting like the kid who just graduated and that couldn't believe that his step-brother, his first love, was suddenly flirting with him, and looking how to make you love him again"

"I... oh god. I screwed up everything, right? When he left he said he was done with this and I didn't know what he meant but this is it, right? He's going to leave me!" he could feel the tears about to drop over his face.

"Kurt, no! Kurt, calm down. He's not going to leave you" she said seriously "Finn adores you, he loves you and he would die before leaving you" she sighed "Look, it's almost five and you go out at seven, right?"

"Right"

"Ok, what do you think if I go to your house and we talk there. Everything's going to be fine, but I know how drama queen you can get and you need me to keep your mind clear"

Kurt laughed.

"Yeah, you're right about it. Can you bring some ice cream, please? I think I gotta need it"

"Of course"

"Thank you for listening to me, Mercedes"

"Always a pleasure, honey"

 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* 

When he hung up the phone he still had fifteen minutes of rest, it was useless to go to the dining room and get some food, so he decided to go back to his work. But then he stared at the phone feeling a sudden urge to talk to Finn, he didn't know if it was appropriate to try to work things out by phone when in person there were problems of communication, by telephone would be worse. Althought he really wanted to talk to him, hear his voice and tell him how much he loved him. Finally he decided to make the call from the phone from the office because he feared that if he marked to his cell phone, Finn would not answer.

A voice of a boy was the one who talked.

"Automotive Workshop, what I can do for you?"

Kurt cleared his throat feeling a little nervousness.

"I ... Good afternoon. Can you communicate me with Mr. Hudson, please?

Although it was possible to hear clearly the noise characteristic of the workshop, he also could hear perfectly the voices closer to the other side of the phone line.

"Who wants him?"

Kurt cursed mentally, he had hoped them to pass him the call to Finn without asking questions because he feared that Finn would not want to talk to him, at least not by phone. But he was not going to hang.

“Kurt Hummel, h-his husband” he knew that he needed to say the last thing since everybody at the workshop knew his name, but if he was going to make a presentation of himself, he was going to do it well.

"Oh, Hi, Mr. Hummel!" spoke the boy with sudden enthusiasm, "It's good to hear you, you never visit. Until now I was beginning to believe that Mr. Hudson made up the whole marriage. Always talking about you and your daughter, but you  never come to visit ."

If Kurt had felt bad and guilty before, this time it intensified even more.

"Yes, I know... work keeps me very busy," he apologized awkwardly "Umh, but I'll try to go there more often... sorry, what's your name?"

"John, my name is John." His voice was more excited than before.

"Oh, John. Finn told me about you." True. "He says you're a pretty dedicated apprentice." Not so true. "John, could you get him for me, please? I'm on my break and it is almost finished but I really need to talk to him."

"Of course, Mr. Hummel. Hold on!"

"Thank you."

He could hear the clear sound of the boy walking down the huge workshop between the machines and noises caused by them. And since the boy did not block the speaker of the handset, Kurt could hear perfectly when he came to where Finn was, and spoke.

"Mr. Hudson. You have a phone call!" explained very excited. Kurt rolled his eyes, what was wrong with the guy? Perhaps he had never been around gay couples, or maybe he was gay and he felt happy to talk to one of his 'own'.

"I told you to call me Finn, John. When you say 'Mr. Hudson' you make me feel like an old man." He clearly heard Finn's voice and could't help smiling at his comment, "Who is it?" 

"Your husband, Mr. Hudson!" replied the boy and the sound that he had listened very close to him stopped instantly, surely Finn had left to do... whatever he was doing. Kurt bit his lips expectantly.

After what seemed an eternity, Kurt had heard Finn talking but couldn't understand what he was saying. At that very moment his co-workers began arriving to the office breaking the silence that Kurt had had all the hour. Looking at his watch, he could see that break time was over. He had to hang up but he really wanted to at least greet to Finn and say something nice before returning to work.

"I don't think it takes that long to take the call, Mr. Hudson. Your husband said he really needed to talk to you." Kurt could hear John's voice and it was no longer as enthusiastic as before. Apparently Finn would not talk to him, he was not surprised, but it still hurt a little.

"Then tell him that you didn't find me in the workshop, John!" This time he could understand very clearly the words of Finn and his pain increased but he was also annoyed because he knew that Finn was aware that he could hear him and he still asked a boy to lie for him just to not talk to him. What a child!

"Mr. Hud-Hudson. I think he can hear you" said John a little nervous. Finn was angry, and Kurt knew how much he could frighten and intimidate people when he was like that. Poor boy.

"Then let him hear that I don't want to talk to him!" yelled Finn.

There was a strong enough noise, then silence, then steps and noise and then the voice of John more nervous than ever.

"Mr. Hummel? I'm so sorry, I ... "

"Do not worry, John. It's not your fault, he doesn't want to talk to me, it's fine. Do not worry" Kurt again felt as bad as before but also angry "Just tell him that..." _He's a fucking idiot and I don't want to forgive him._ "Tell him that I'll see him at home later.”

Not waiting for an answer he hung up the call. All he wanted to do now was end his work day and talk to Mercedes. When he finally left his for the day, Kurt was so tense and  hurt, with good reason. His boss, Paul, had come up to him at  the last minute and demanding to change completely his articles and Kurt  had to work another hour until the article was ready. Kurt sent a message to Mercedes from the office, delaying their meeting and requesting that instead of bringing ice cream, she had better bring a bottle of vodka. He was extremely grateful that she accepted without question. He was so angry with his boss, with Finn, with himself and he knew he was going to explode at any moment, but he was trying to be as calm as possible and called Anne to tell her that he would pick up Elizabeth at her house.

Half an hour later, the girl was asleep and clean in her bed. Kurt went to the room where he buried his face in his hands, luckily it was at that moment when Mercedes knocked the door and she had the prudence to serve a glass of vodka for him and let him drink quietly before speaking. 

"Are you going to say what else happened?" she asked without anger.

"More, please?" Kurt raised his empty glass, Mercedes sighed and poured more, but when he drank it and asked more, she shook her head and he groaned but did not protest. 

"Sorry, honey, but I think the last thing you want is that Finn comes and finds you drunk. Much less when you have Elly asleep upstairs. "

"Elizabeth, " Kurt corrected without thinking and laying down.

"Why are you more depressed than before? Did you have another fight?"

Kurt laughed bitterly, closing his eyes and feeling the effect of the vodka.

"To discuss we need to speak directly, right? Which Finn can not do because when he's angry he becomes a child and there is no one that can get him out of his tantrum, "he said bitterly.

Mercedes sighed.

"So you called him?" Kurt nodded, "And he didn't answer the phone?" Kurt refused and explained in a very condensed version of his call. She sighed again but with exasperation.

"Damnit,  were you two built in a factory by the lost boys of Peter Pan or what? Why do you have to be so childish?"

Kurt snorted and leaned to pour another glass of vodka ignoring the claims of his friend asking him to stop drinking .

"He was the child who would not talk, not me," he replied taking a with only one sip the third cup and Mercedes put the bottle away before he decided to serve himself a  fourth glass of vodka.

"Oh sorry, but who is the ona that is getting drunk because doesn't know how to deal with their feelings?" she said with irony. Kurt ignored her "You two are children, I would not be surpriseed that Elizabeth will be more mature than the both of you.”

"For that to happen, Finn would have to stop every time I try to improve her vocabulary," Kurt said with bitterness as Mercedes rolled her eyes. 

"Yes, whatever you say. Now what you need to do is to calm down and stop drinking so when Finn gets you can talk. I mean talk, no yelling or insults. You will say you're sorry, he will apologize, you will kiss and make up, okay?"

"Stay and have dinner with us," said Kurt out of nowhere. She looked at him stunned.

"Kurt Hummel, are you asking me to stay so you don't have to talk to your husband? I feel used and offended. "

Kurt growled. 

"Sorry, I just don't know what I'm going to say. I fear I will end up ruining everything instead of fixing it."

"Oh... and me staying here will certainly help you, right?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Kurt sighed and he was about to reply when his phone rang. He saw the ID that said 'Finn' and Mercedes smiled in amusement.

"Saved by your guy, huh?" And seeing that Kurt did not answer she said firmly, "Kurt, do not be a coward and answer the phone!"

Kurt looked at her without saying anything, motioning her to answer the phone but Mercedes shook her head, still smiling. Kurt sighed and picked up.

"Hey, Finn. Whe..." He paused, frowning in confusion "Wait, wait, John? What's wrong?. Talk slowly, I don't get what you're saying." 

Mercedes leaned trying to hear what the boy was trying to say from the other side of the phone, but then Kurt's face paled with alarming rapidity that made her almost jump out of fright. Kurt's eyes were wide open and he didn't make a sound.

"Kurt? What is it?" Mercedes asked with concern, shaking his arm.

Kurt seemed a bit back to reality, but when he spoke his voice had never sounded so terrified. The only time was many years ago when they were in high school and Burt Hummel had suffered an...

 

_Oh no._ Mercedes thought

 

"Wh-what do you mean?" He asked, terrified and his hands began to shake wildly, Mercedes took firmly his free hand not knowing what the hell to do, not even know what was happening but it was obviously something very bad that involved Finn and she was trying to not think the worst. "What happened?" Kurt's cry  was what caused her react and she knew that if she didn't take away the phone from Kurt at that moment, he would end up having some heart attack and it would be impossible to help him.

Mercedes grabbed the phone from Kurt and he didn't even seem to notice it.

"John? I am Mercedes, a friend of Kurt's. What happened?" Clear and firm. That was Mercedes Jones. 

The boy's voice was so hysterical that almost paralyzed her.

"It's Finn! He was taken to the hospital, there was blood everywhere! I don't even know if he's alive! Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Clearly the guy was in shock and Kurt could hear that he was crying uncontrollably. Mercedes was trying to not cry, not yet.

"What happened, John? What happened to Finn?" she asked firmly, trying to sound calm and not letting  nerves and fear take control of her body. Kurt seemed to be about ready to pass out.

"I don't, there was an accident, don't know what happened! One second was I there and then... I don't know how it happened!"

"John! I need you to calm down and tell me what happened!" she yelled, making Kurt jump. She couldn't look at him, she needed to be strong and if she looked at him she might crumble with him.

"A car fell on him! A car fell on him!"

 

_It_ _fell apart  on a Thursday._


	2. I'll stand by you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: Calienteyfria
> 
> Rating: PG-13 this chapter
> 
> Warnings: Angst and angst. Future fic but following the canon story until episode 21 of S3 and some changes and exceptions. You'll notice them during the story of this fic.
> 
> Notes: As you can see, the names of the chapters are songs from Glee that had had Kinn moments, it's something that I wanted to do and the songs also have something related to the chapter. Thank you for reading this fic and also for those who commented the chapter one, it's really nice to know what do you think about this story :)

_Tears are in your eyes_   
_Come on and come to me now_   
_Don't be ashamed to cry_   
_Let me see you through_   
_'cause I've seen the dark side too_

 

Kurt was standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at Mercedes writing on paper what John was telling her by phone. His friend had to hang up after he had heard what exactly had happened to Finn. Mercedes had to take him by the arm running to the bathroom where Kurt vomited compulsively for several minutes, then she had taken him to the kitchen to refresh him a bit and after making sure that the man was not coming back to vomit again, she dialed to Finn's cell phone which John had and now she was writing the direction of the hospital where Finn was. She hadn't been brave enough to ask John what the paramedics and the doctors had said about Finn's health status. She didn't want Kurt to listen and, to be honest, she didn't want to know, at least not yet. After knowing what exactly had happened to Finn, her heart was starting to say something that her mind was trying to ignore because she just couldn't think in _that way._ Kurt needed her now, so she couldn't think in that when she needed to drive him to the hospital and not when she knew she would have to comfort  him when he finally fell apart, because what had happened minutes before with Kurt, had been nothing more than the body's normal reaction after had listened to shocking news. But Mercedes knew that Kurt would be emotionally collapsing in any moment, and although she was terrified of that moment, she would have to be there for him as strong as possible. So no, she would not let her mind to be out of control thinking things that weren't happening, she was denying to believe that that could happen.

"Kurt!" she called him but he was submerged in his thoughts "Kurt!" she called stronger and this time he jumped and then looked at her, his eyes were red "Drink it, I need you to be sober as fast as possible," she said pointing the cup of coffee that she had put in front of him, he looked at the cup without really looking forward to drinking it but she insisted "I'm serious, Kurt, we're not leaving until you drink everything." She knew it wasn't fair but being drunk wouldn't help Kurt at all, he sighed and, with shaking hands, he began to drink the coffee.

Mercedes sighed relieved that her friend was still there with her and not completely lost in his thoughts trying to avoid the terrible reality. When he finished the coffee, she approached him taking him by the shoulders and his big blue eyes met hers with a fear that was impossible to describe in words. She breathed deeply.

"Listen to me, Kurt. I want you to listen to me very carefully, ok?" he nodded quickly. "You heard what that boy, John, said, and you know that this is really serious, right?" she talked firmly because she knew that what Kurt needed right not was something strong to stand on. No compassion, that would only make him fall further in the state of nervousness in which he was. "But we need to move slow and not let this take control of you." He nodded again "Good. Now I need you to look for all the important papers of... of Finn and you" Kurt frowned with confusion "His birth certificate, your marriage certificate, your ID, his insurance card,  got it?"

"I... yes, yes" he said and hesitated. "Mercedes," he implored with his voice and she rubbed his cheek "I'm so... I'm so..." he couldn't even finish the words but he didn't need to, because she understood what he was trying to say. He was so scared.

She coughed, controlling her tears and trying not letting them to fall. 

"I know, honey, me too, me too" she wanted to tell him that everything was going to be fine, that Finn would be fine. But she couldn't, she couldn't know that, nobody could. So she did the only thing that she could to help him right now, take care of everything that was in her hands. And Kurt wasn't crying, he was trying so hard to be strong and not lose his mind so she changed the subject for his sakes. "Where are we leaving Elizabeth? We can't take her with us, you know that, right?"

This time Kurt seemed about to cry at the mention of his daughter, clearly feeling overwhelmed by the idea of his child clueless that one of her fathers was in the hospital fighting for his life. Ironic and so cruel at the same time, that was life sometimes, and Kurt hated  it so much at the moment.

"W-we could take her with her nanny, Anne. She lives near here," he said trying to think of nothing more than his daughter, she couldn't see him cry, she couldn't see him nervous because she might not understand what was happening, but children are always more perceptive and he did not want his daughter to feel the anguish that his father had at that time, althought he didn't know how to control that when he felt like he was dying inside.

"Do you trust her?" she asked skeptically "Isn't she like seventeen?"

"Mercedes, do you really think I'll let my daughter every day with someone that I don't trust with my heart?" he asked angrily "Of course I trust her, she's might be young but she's the most responsible girl I ever met, besides, her mom and Carole were really close friends before they moved here," said refering to Anne's family. Well, at least his character was intact. 

"Fine, sorry. Then you go, and look for those papers while I prepare Elizabeth and then I'll take her to Anne."

"I'll go with you," he said suddenly terrified of letting his daughter out of his sight for even for one second. "You know what? I think is better if she goes with us, she might get scared if she doesn't see me when she wakes up, you know how she cries when she wakes up and..." 

"Kurt," said Mercedes firmly stopping his babbling before he had a panic attack "We can't take her with us and you know it, she'll be fine, she knows Anne and I'm sure she'd handle her perfectly well, ok?" when she saw that he was still unsure she added, "Ok, you stayed here with her while I go to the hospital and I call you from there"

"No!" yelled Kurt like if she was actually leaving to the hospital without him "I- Fine, she'll stay with Anne, but let me go with you when you leave her there, yes?" he begged.

Mercedes sighed. "Ok, but you'll wait for me in the car and you can't say no." Kurt didn't even try to do it, he was anxious and he felt like they were wasting time talking and he couldn't be in calm so much longer if he didn't know anything about Finn. "Now go for the papers while I go for Elizabeth so we can leave." 

Kurt thanked himself for being so organized all the time because he didn't have to look for all the papers since he stored them in one folder in the living room. So now he was sitting waiting for Mercedes and prohibiting himself to think bad things about Finn. His attempt wasn't being a success for the moment, but when Mercedes came down the stairs with the little girl in her arms, Kurt couldn't handle it any longer and he ran to take her and hold her in his arms and he just he began to mourn without being able to hold longer, but he tried to cry in silence and not really caring that he was wetting her clothes.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" he murmured to the girl asleep, trying to control his sobs.  Mercedes didn't say anything and looked at the floor drying her own tears while Kurt was holding his daughter and apologizing for something that it wasn't even his fault. 

When he calmed down and the sobs stopped, Mercedes took the folder with the papers and the diaper   bag  that she had brought from Elizabeth's room and walked to outside followed by Kurt who was still holding his daughter with dear life. Maybe he was doing exactly that because he felt that if he didn't have to take care of his daughter, he had already lost his mind just right after listening about Finn's accident. They didn't say anything during the way to Anne's house and Kurt hugged one more time his daughter and kissed her head before Mercedes took her to the house while he stayed in his friend's car waiting for her, luckily, the little girl was fast asleep and showed no signs of waking up in no time. Kurt knew that Mercedes had to explain Anne and her mom what was happening and that's why she had asked him to wait in the car. He felt so anxious that he didn't object even when he needed his daughter with him now more than ever.

The road to the hospital was, without doubt, the longest road in Kurt's life. His hands were shaking more than before. He had stopped crying but now he just couldn't talk, he felt breathless and he never looked at Mercedes. He didn't want to push her to drive faster even when they were already in the speed limit. John had called again when they had just left Elizabeth with Anne but Mercedes had forbidden him to answer the phone. She had texted him telling him that they were on their way to the hospital and asked him to not call them because she couldn't drive well if she was more nervous. Kurt had had to bite his own tongue to not yell at her or insult her for doing such a thing. Twenty minutes later, they finally arrived at the hospital where Mercedes had to hold him by the arm so Kurt won't start to run desperately looking Finn or somebody that could give him information about his husband. They had to asked for help to got to the Emergency's waiting room. They were about to get to the information window when Mercedes heard a familiar voice behind them talking to Kurt.

"Mr. Hummel!" They turned to see a boy walking toward them, his eyes were completely red, as he had been crying for a long time. "Thank God you're finally here, I'm..."

"Where's Finn?" asked Kurt frantically ignoring what John had tried to say. The boy bit his lips looking like he was about to start to cry one more time, and Mercedes feared the worst.

"He's in th-there, but they won't tell us how is he because we are not his family," answered John, holding back tears. Mercedes was about to ask who were the 'us' but then Kurt turned to the information window walking with determination and she followed him just like John. 

"I want to see my husband, his name is Finn Hudson," he demanded to the nurse who was sitting on the other side of the window.

"Excuse me?" she asked looking up him with surprise but Kurt wasn't going to act nice.

"I want to see my husband!" he repeated losing patience. "He had an accident at his work and they brought him here. I want to see him right now!" He explained and she raised an eyebrow in a gesture of arrogance. Mercedes knew that Kurt was not get anything if he acted like that so she decided to intervene but the nurse talked before her. 

"Sir, first of all, this is the emergency room, not the visiting area. If the person that you're looking for was brought here it's because he needs urgent medical attention. You can't see him until the doctor says so. Second, if you want information about a patient you need to fill this form first." She pointed a paper. "But it can only be filled by a direct family member of the patient and the doctors won't give information to anybody else." She crossed her arms over her chest,  with both eyebrows raised.

Kurt turned red from anger. 

"I just told you that he is my _husband_!" Kurt said, losing patience with her.

The nurse snorted with disgust.

"Symbolic union have no value in this hospital, the direct family of the patient needs to have a verifiable legal union with them, sir," she said loftily and Mercedes wanted to punch her.

“They're legally married, you fool!" she said not being able to containing her anger anymore and the nurse open her mouth very indignantly. And she surely was going to respond her the same way or even call security but someone else called Kurt interrupting the discussion with the nurse.

"Kurt?" asked a man that was coming from the bathroom and Mercedes noticed that his shirt was stained with blood, and it was obvious that the man had been trying to remove the blood with water but he didn't wasn't successful. He tried to cover the bloody spot in his shirt with his hands but it was  worthless considering the stain was so heavy.

"Oh my God," murmured Kurt looking at the man's clothes and putting his hand over his mouth. His face grew paler and Mercedes held onto him and walked him to the closest chair, worrying that he could pass out any moment. John and the man followed them with an evident concern. “Is that? Oh no, _Finn,_ ”  he whispered with fear.

"John, bring some water for Mr. Hummel, please," said the man sitting next to Kurt. He was breathing hard and squeezing his knees together forcefully, avoiding to see the man and looking at his hands. John went running for what the man had asked, and Kurt had to drink the water after Mercedes insisted without giving him any other alternative. When he was calmer, the man talked softly, "I don't know if you remember, I'm Max, Finn's fiend and boss. We met last year at a meeting at my house. I'm sorry you have to see me like this. I tried to clean it..." he said.

“What happened?” asked Kurt in a whisper,  his eyes still looking at his hands. The man bit his lips and looked at Mercedes not so sure if it was the best to explain him about the accident, but the woman just nodded in silence, and he sighed before answering.

"I don't know exactly what happened. He had been working on this car all day, it was one of the best client's car. Finn said he'd fix it, but he had to put it in the hydraulic jack and he was about to finish when the... the hydraulic jack made a sound and a second later, the car fell over... over Finn." Max seemed still shocked and his eyes were trembling while he was remembering the accident. "I swear that I couldn't stop what was happening. It was so fast that I couldn't do anything.  We got the car off as fast as we could but he was... so hurt." His eyes were red but he wasn't cry, he said no more.

Kurt didn't even made a gesture that indicated that he was listening to him. 

Just like he had been dying to see and know about Finn minutes ago, now Kurt couldn't say anything, the amount of  blood on Max's clothes made him feel sick.  He wanted to escape, and when he had explained how had been the accident, he wanted to forget about everything. He wanted to think that was happening was a terrible nightmare and just wake up. This couldn't be true,  this couldn't be happening, he must being dreaming, this was just a terrible nightmare and he was going to wake up at any moment in his bed next to Finn. He was going to kiss him, hug him and tell him how much he loved him, he was going to hold him and never let him go. He needed to wake up soon, he denied believing that all this was actually happening, that Finn was hurt in that hospital and probably dying, that wasn't real, it couldn't be real.

Kurt was aware of the voices talking around him, probably talking to him but he ignored them, he ignored everything and covered his face with his hands. He demanded his body to wake up, to make this stop and bring him to reality soon, but it never happened. He didn't know how much time passed until his body started to shake when nothing happened, when his body refused to take him out from this terrible nightmare. When he came back to reality, it hit his heart with so much force.

A hand shaking his arm forced him to return to reality and Kurt had to face the truth.  Even when it felt like it was killing him inside, he had to know how was Finn. There was a huge posibility that he was already gone and the doctors had been waiting for a relative to give them the bad news. And the thought of Finn dead paralyzed his heart with a pain that almost made him vomit again. He didn't do it, instead, he looked up to Mercedes that was kneeling in front of him. Her eyes showed him that she wanted to cry but she was holding back her tears.

"Is he... is he?" he asked with a whisper not being able to finish the question.

"I don't know. Max is talking with the nurse and he already showed her your marriage certificate and now we're just waiting for someone that can tell us what's happening," she said putting her hands over his.  "Kurt, I need you to be strong, you can't go, you can't go no matter what they say. Elizabeth needs you, you're everything she has now and you can't leave her the way you're going now, you need to stay with us no matter what happens." Now she was actually crying and Kurt shook his head feeling his own tears falling for his face.

"I can't, Mercedes. I... I just can't," he murmured, holding her hands because he felt like he couldn't stay conscious any longer and she hold him stronger. 

"You have to, Kurt." she said firmly and he didn't answer. Max came back with the folder with papers in his hand. He was now wearing a scrubs shirt from the hospital that a nurse had given him. Kurt appreciate that he didn't have to see all that blood anymore.

The man sat next Kurt and looked at him with determination. 

"They're still attending him, he's alive but they couldn't tell me anything else," he said seriously, the relief Kurt felt upon hearing that Finn was still alive was so strong that even the dizzy. "You need to fill this paper so they have all the information about him that might be need, that's what the nurse told me. And sign this paper to give him the permission to operate on him because she said that he's going to need surgery. The doctor will explain you everything after they check him out, and be able to come to us and give you all the information about him."  He  gave the paper to Kurt and he took it with shaking hands. Mercedes rose from the ground and sat the other side next to Kurt and took the paper.

"I'll help you with this," she said looking for a pen in her purse and starting to write the information. She asked Kurt the things she didn't know and wrote them. Once finished it, Max took the paper and gave it to the same nurse that had attended them before and who was looking at them grouchily, but without objecting anymore. 

Minutes passed and no one else gave them anymore information. Mercedes never left him and Max and John came and went from the information window to see if there was anything new. The nurse had not heard any new information to give them. At some point, Mercedes suggested Kurt that he needed to call to Ohio and tell Carole and his dad about what was happening, but he couldn't, not when he didn't even know the seriousness of the situation, but she insisted.

"I know this is hard and you don't want to call them until someone gives you information about him, Kurt, but you have to consider that it might take hours until someone tell us something. Your dad and Carole have to take a plane to come here, so it's better if we tell them now what's happening so they're here when he have more information. I can call them if you want me to," she suggested and he looked at her not knowing exactly what to do.

“I... don't know. What if...”

"Family of Finn Hudson?" asked a doctor that was walking out from the door leading to the area of   emergency. Kurt rose so fast from the seat, he almost fell as sudden movement. He ignored the dizziness and, along with others, walked quickly to the doctor who looked at them very seriously. "Are you Finn Hudson's family?"

"He's my husband," said Kurt with a trembling voice, wishing that the man won't react like the nurse had done. "I even have our marriage certificate with me to prove it," he said nervously, and Mercedes started to look for the paper in the folder but the doctor shook his head. 

"You don't need to show me, don't worry,”  he said gently. "Will you follow me to a private room so I can talk to you, please?" he asked looking directly at Kurt. He swallowed hard, this couldn't be good, if he wanted to talk to him alone it was likely because he was going to tell him something really bad and Kurt felt a cold sweat covering his whole body.

"Just say it, please," begged Kurt. He felt the sensation of Mercedes holding his arm."Whatever you have to say do it now, please. Is he... dead?" he finally asked terrified of the answer but not being able to wait anymore.

"No, he's alive," answered the doctor and Kurt could swear that he almost faint from relief, he could heard the sigh of Mercedes and even a _thank God_ coming from Max. "Look, sir, I need to talk to you alone. Your friend can come with us if you want her to, but I suggest you to go with me to a more private room, ok? Your husband is alive, I promise you, but there's a lot that I have to say to you and this is not the right place, do you understand?"

The doctor was being really nice and there was something in his eyes that made Kurt trust him so he nodded and, along with Mercedes, followed him to the doctor's office that was empty. They both sat in front of the desk and looked at the man with expectation and seconds later a young nurse came in with several x-rays in hand and gave the doctor and then left in silence. The man sat in the desk and looked at them. 

"You already know what exactly happened to Mr. Hudson at his work, right?”  They both nodded, Max and John had told them what they had seen but without getting in too many details and giving them the necessary information to know how serious had been the accident.  “Here is the thing. Mr. Hudson was brought to the hospital with several injuries in his body, the more serious were ubicated in the right side of his body and the back side of his brain," he explained.  Then  he sighed because he knew how hard it would be for Kurt to digest the information he was about to say.  He put the x-rays on the negatoscope and Kurt could see the picture of the broken bones of a shoulder and part of the arm and he had to breathe hard to not throw up, the bones were almost destroyed and the arm was barely connected to the shoulder. "I know how it looks and this might be very shocking to you, but I always like to be honest with the family and sometimes it's necessary to display the magnitude of the situation so they can know all the posibilities that the patient has, ok?"

"So... is he going to lose his arm?" asked Kurt. He was  scared and not being able to look away from the x-rays. He couldn't imagine Finn losing his arm, it was a horrible thought but he couldn't help to think that, the x-rays was really shocking.

"For now,  we'll be able to save his arm, the injury is  pretty serious but there's a huge posibility that the arm can be saved.  With the necessary physical therapy, it may even recover a large part of its functionality, or even all of it. What I'm more worried about is his back." He took another x-ray and put it next to the one that was already in the negatoscope and Mercedes gasped with surprise.  She wasn't a doctor but she knew enough about medicine to recognize a severe injury in the bones that were located at the height of the hips.

"Oh God," she murmured putting her hand over Kurt's shoulder. He was looking at the x-ray with both hands over his mouth.  His eyes were so wide with surprise, and tears begin to fall. The doctor sighed with sadness, giving them a few seconds to calm down and then talked again.

"As you can see, his hips are out of their correct place, but the real problem are not the hips. This kind of injury it's pretty serious because it could have a fracture in the spine that can cause a permanent paralysis in his legs." Kurt closed his eyes at the last words and his breathe stopped for a few seconds "We can't tell yet if this is going to happen to Finn. We don't know yet if he is going to be able to walk again until we operate, and he has the recovery time. But you have to know that there's a really huge posibility that he may walk never again," he said.

The sobs of Kurt broke the sudden silence in the room. He just couldn't believe that all this was happening, he couldn't handle with the thought of Finn not being able to walk again or losing his right arm, much less with both. It was so surreal and terrible. Everything had happend so fast that it made him feel sick from the impact of all the information.

"So, are you going to operate on his hips to put them in the right place and then his arm, right?" asked Mercedes, with a broken voice, rubbing Kurt's back. This time, the doctor's eyes became darker and he looked at the floor with a evident grief. Mercedes knew that he hadn't told them yet the worst part, she couldn't even imagine what it could be worse than that and she just held Kurt's back waiting for the information.

"When the car fell on Finn, his arm and his hips were beaten by the weight of the car causing the injuries that I already showed to you." He cleared his throat before speaking again "But he didn't even have the time to react. It was so fast that he couldn't react to cushion the fall with one of his arms, so he fell and hit his head on the ground with a huge force. His head bounced at least twice, increasing the seriousness of the injury. What I'm trying to say... is that Finn has serious damage in his brain, and we don't know if he's going to survive”  he concluded looking at them.

"No, no, no, no, no!" started to say Kurt breathing with difficulty and burying his face in his hands his body trembling with great force. He was no doubt beginning to suffer a panic attack. The tears soaked his face, broken by the devastation. "Finn, no, please, no, no, you can't. Finn!"

"Kurt, breathe, Kurt, please breathe!" said Mercedes with concern and trying to remove the hands from his face but Kurt was crying hard and breathing with more difficulty.

The doctor,  clearly used to that kind of reaction from the family's patient called the nurse and she came with a a syringe in his hand followed by a male nurse who helped her to hold  Kurt and he injected the needle into his arm causing an almost sudden effect that calmed him down immediately and then he was falling into a deep sleep. The two nurses carried him to the stretcher and left him there.

"I'm sorry, I had to do that for his own sake," said the doctor to Mercedes, who was standing next to Kurt stroking his cheek cleaning his face, tears were still falling from his eyes. She nodded in silence clearing her own tears.

"So is Finn in a coma or what?" she asked,  not looking up from Kurt. 

The doctor took a tomography that he hadn't showed it to them and put it next to the other two. This time, was Mercedes who had to fight with all her forces to not throw up. The tomography showed a perfect picture of Finn's brain that was overshadowed with a shadow that was covering a huge part of the brain. Mercedes didn't need to ask. She knew that the shadow was blood, and it was serious, so very serious. She cleared her throat and looked at Kurt and was thankful that he was unconcious right now.

"So he has a cerebral hemorrhage, right?" she asked. The doctor nodded. "Is he going to die? Be honest, please. Do you really think that he's going to survive to this or not? That he _can_ survive to his?" She asked with a broken voice, the doctor looked at the tomography carefully for a few seconds before turning to her.

"I'll say that there's a seventy percent of posibility that he can bleed to death," he said honestly. She shook her head crying even more. "And if he survives after the surgery he needs to stop bleeding, there's a large possibility that he will suffer an irreversible neurological damage."

Mercedes sighed with pain.

"What kind of damage?" she asked afraid of the answer, but needing to know so she could explain it to Kurt later.

"I don't know, I'm not neurologist, but I do know that the damage can range from something very minimal like having problems pronouncing words until something more serious like being in a vegetative state the rest of his life, or even not to be himself ever again," he answered with a serious look.

"So now what?" she asked, not feeling like she could handle anymore.

"They're getting him ready to operate on his brain, that kind of surgery can last from seven to even twelve hours," he said and looked at Kurt. "He might sleep for another two hours, so he can stay here and I'll tell a nurse to keep you informed about the surgery. I know how hard is all this, but he has to be ready for the worst. All of you have to. We will do everything in our power to save his life but cases like this are difficult to handle, and the possibility of him dying is huge."

Mercedes nodded.

"Thank you, doctor..."

"Robert, call me Robert. I'm in charge of the emergency area, I put the patients in safely so the doctors they need can fix them. I attended Mr. Hudson when the paramedics brought him and now he's in the neurology area for his surgery. But if you need anything, if you have a question just ask for me and I'll help you the best I can." he said with a sad smile. Mercedes tried to correspond the best she could.

"Right. Thank you, doctor Robert," said Mercedes shaking his hand. When the man left the the room with the x-ray in his hand, the woman sat next to Kurt rubbing his forehead with sadness. "Oh Kurt, you have no idea how I wish this wasn't happening. I'm so sorry," she whispered and prayed God to save Finn. He, Kurt, and Elizabeth deserved to be happy and it wasn't fair what it was happening. Not fair at all.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

 

Kurt had woken up two hours ago in the doctor's office where he had been sedated, but he had to take  an anti anxiety pill to relax after Mercedes had told him the worst part of the information about Finn, and then, when he was calmed, they left the room to meet with Max and Jonh, Mercedes explained them what the doctor had said while Kurt was lost in his thoughts and fears. Now they were in the waiting room for relatives of patients who were in operating room, Kurt looked sleepy because of the medication and he wasn't crying anymore, his eyes were so lost in his thoughts all the time. Max was still there with them sitting next to Kurt. John had had to go home because he couldn't enter to the waiting room because he was a minor and it was forbidden. Mercedes had called to Ohio an hour ago, and now Burt and Carole were at the airport for an hour of their flight to New Hampshire finally out from Ohio. Mercedes had been very careful to not get into details when she informed them about the accident and she had just told them that Finn was in the hospital and they were operating him but she didn't say anything about how bad he was and what kind of surgery he was recieving. She had also called to Anne and explained it what was happening. Mercedes told Anne and her mom that she could call one of her closest friends to go for Elizabeth if they couldn't take care of her longer since she didn't know how much longer they would be at the hospital. She was absolutely sure that Kurt won't move from the hospital as long as Finn was in danger of die or without had seen him first. But Anne's mom, Jenny, had told her that they could take care of Elizabeth as long as it was necessary and she told her not to worry about the little girl and sent her prayers and prayers for Finn to improve quickly.

"Mr. Hummel?" it was the young nurse, Kurt looked at her with nervous but she smiled softly to calm him down. "He's still in surgery and everything's is going fine," she said and Kurt breathed with relief. "Umh, but we need two blood donors to cover the amount of blood that we've used for your husband. It doesn't matter if it's not the same type of blood."

"Ok, I can donate blood" said Kurt but the nurse denied embarassed "Why not?" he asked frowning.

"Gay men can't donate blood, it says the law, I'm really sorry." She really looked like she was genuinely sorry about it.

"What?" asked Mercedes indignantly and Kurt sighed, he had forgot that gay men couldn't donate blood, it was something he had read once when he was at high school and the law hadn't changed yet, it was so ridiculous and frustrating. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not, I'm so sorry, I wish I could help you but he can't donate his blood." repeated the nurse rubbing her hands nervously. Max snorted and swore softly.

"I know that I can't donate blood to an stranger, but he's my _husband_ ," said Kurt trying to not get angry with the nurse since it wasn't her fault and she really looked embarassed. "It's ridiculous that I can't donate blood to him for being gay when he has been with me for years, don't you think?"

"Yes, it is. But it's a law ***** , sir, and the blood that you donate it won't be use for him because he already received blood, so it doesn't matter if he's gay too, you just... can't. There's nothing I can do. And I'm really, _really_ sorry" she whispered and Kurt sighed. It was useless to insist on the subject, but still caused him a lot of courage. 

"Fine. I'll see what I can do" he said and the nurse left before Mercedes say something, the woman looked really pissed off and she was scary when she was like that. 

"Well, fuck them. I can donate but we still need another person," said Mercedes still angry and Kurt rubbed her knee to make her feel better. "But I can call some friends, I'm sure that one of them will be happy to help," she added with a tiny smile that Kurt corresponded. 

"I can donate" said Max and they both jumped, they had forgotten that he was still there and Kurt felt guilty, the man smiled at them. "I've done it before and I'll love to help Finn, he's my friend after all." he said and Kurt smiled sadly.

"Thank you, Max" he said and he just nodded. 

"He's going to be ok, I know it's hard to believe but he's a strong man and he has a beautiful family to fight for. He won't give up without fighting." He assured him.

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When Carole and Burt got to the hospital, Finn was still in his brain surgery, fighting for his life and it was close to four in the morning. Max and Mercedes had left the three of them alone while Kurt explained them what had happened. When they came back to the waiting room (with cups of coffee for everybody) Carole and Kurt were hugging each other and they could listen to her softly sobs. Burt was standing next to them with his arms crossed and looking at the floor. Neither of them said anything and Max and Mercedes sat away from them giving them privacy. Minutes later, they left them go from the embrace and Burt hugged his son for what it looked an eternity, Mercedes could heard that the older man was saying something to his son who nodded in silence without letting him go. Then they separated, both with red eyes, and Burt sat next to Carole and they all do the only thing that they could do for now: wait. 

It wasn't until seven in the morning when neurosurgeon came to them, he looked tired but told them that they had finished the brain surgery and Finn was still alive. 

"Although we stop the bleeding, we couldn't reduce the brain inflammation, which represents a great risk to his health, and we had to leave the wound exposed to wait for the swelling to go," he said with a rough voice, this man wasn't as nice like the other doctor but he was explaining everything very carefully and Kurt appreciated it. "There's a great risk of infection and the inflammation also increase the risk of a nerurological damage but there's not too much we can do for now but wait until the brain stopped being swollen and then close the wound."

"And when it's that going to happen?" asked Burt who had his arm around Carole's shoulder "When are you going to close the wound?” 

"It depends of the way his body reacts and the time it took his brain to back to his normal size, there's not a rule in the time that it takes to happen that so I can't tell you an exact moment" he said and Kurt sighed. 

"Can we see him?" he asked nervously.

"I'm afraid not. He's in the recovery room and the orthopedic surgeon is waiting for he recovers a little bit more from the surgery to operate his hips and then his arm. I think you won't be able to see him until Saturday, maybe even Sunday, if he survives all the surgeries, of course," he said without any sympathy. Kurt had to remined himself that there were doctors that weren't like him, that thought they were God and they couldn't give compassion because they didn't know about that. Besides, the man had just saved Finn's life and he had been in surgery for hours, he must be tired.

"Kurt, you look tired, son. You should go to your home and sleep a few hours. Carole and I will stay here," suggested Burt when the doctor left and putting his arm in his son's back. Kurt shook his head.

"I'm staying, Dad," he said firmly not even looking at his father.

"Where's Elizabeth, honey?" asked Carole suddenly with a worried voice.

"She's with her nanny, Anne. Do you remember her? She's Jenny's daughter," he answered and Carole nodded with a sad smile.

"Oh yeah. I forgot you had mentioned before that she's her nanny. Jenny is a great friend, she'll take good care of Elizabeth,” she said shaking his hand and Kurt nodded. 

"Yeah."

Two hours later, the nurse informed them that Finn had just gone into the operating room for the surgery on his hips and arm and that it'll take around four or five hours and suggested them to go home and rest for a few hours, but neither of them moved from their seats. Mercedes stayed next to Kurt all the time, leaving him only for go to the bathroom and then to call to her work and say she was not going today. Max was the one that kept bringing coffee and food that wasn't even touched by Kurt and Carole.

“Kurt,” said Max around nine in the morning. Kurt opened his eyes not even noticing he had fell asleep at some point with his head laid over her friend's shoulder. Carole and Burt weren't around and Kurt got scared. "Hey, it's ok" he said putting his hand on his knee "They went to the cafeteria."

"Finn?" he asked still scared. 

"He's still at surgery, the nurse hasn't come back to say anything."

"I... ok" he said breathing normally again, and then noticed that Max was still looking at him "Sorry, you said something?" 

"I have to go to the workshop and deliver the cars that were left yesterday," he said nervously because mentioning the workshop was remind him the accident, not that Kurt had forgotten it any second.

"You don't have to stay here, Max," said Kurt looking at Mercedes as she slept. "I understand that you have things to do, probably a family waiting for you at home," he said and felt guilty. Max apparently knew everything about Finn's life, that he was married with him and their daughter, he might even know where did work and Kurt didn't know _anything_ about him.

Max smiled "I don't have family, not here at least, they live in Vermont. I just have to go to deliver those cars and I promise I'll back the soonest I can," he pat his shoulder and Kurt smiled back.

"You're a great friend to Finn, Max. Thank you"

"I'm your friend, too, Kurt. Call me if you need anything, ok?" he said with a smile and left.

Three hours later the orthopedic surgeon told them that he had finished the surgery and Finn's arm and hips were fine but they'll have to wait to see if his spine had been damaged and they couldn't say if Finn was going to walk again, not until Finn woke up and check by himself the functions of his legs. But it was good to know that his arm was fine. _A little joy into the whole mess,_ was what Mercedes said and Kurt hugged her. 

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It wasn't until the afternoon of Saturday when the doctors finally told them that Finn was out of risk for the moment and explained them that he had to put him in coma because his head was still opened it was very dangerous if he woke up being like that. The fact that Finn was in coma, even when it was an induced coma, waned little feeling of joy that they had the previous day. Because the risks of not waking up again from a induced coma were pretty high, but there was nothing else that the doctors could do and they only hope that Finn's brain go back to his normal size the soonest possible, so they could to close his head and getting him out the coma. Everything depended on time and Finn's fighting. His hips and his arm were recovering and he was still alive after all the trauma that his body had been through. And after insisted for hours, the doctors allowed them to see Finn but only twenty minutes per person what they wanted but it was something and they were happy with that.

It wasn't until the nurse explained to them the care they should have in the room where Finn was, and also warned them that the way that the way he was it could be very impressive for them because there were many tubes around him, including the one that was giving him oxygen, it was only _then_ that Kurt realized he was going to see Finn after he had suffered the accident that almost cost him his life. Nothing was safe because he still could have complications and die at any time. He felt a terror to him in that state invaded his body. What if he saw him and he died the next day? The imagine of Finn being in coma and full of injuries was going to be his last memory of him? What if he didn't have the strength to see him and he would still die? He was going to die without Kurt saying goodbye? _Oh God_. What if he died and the last memory of the two of them was the fight they had had days ago?

"Kurt?" The voice of his father brought him back to reality, everybody around him was looking with concern. He didn't say anything and just hugged his father who held him hard rubbing his hand.

"I can't see him, dad. I can't," Kurt whispered buring his head on his shoulder.

"Shh, shh. You can do it, Kurt. It's going to be fine," said Burt holding him harder.  Kurt shook his head. "He needs you to be there, he needs to listen your voice, if you're there with him, he's going to be ok" 

"He can't listen to me, he's in coma."

"He can, son. He'll hear you and you'll be there for him," said Burt. "Come on, you can do it."

He let him go from the embrace and Carole hugged him too. She didn't say anything, but she was as scared as he was. They both knew that they have to be there for Finn, be strong and help him to recover.

"You go first, honey," she said, kissing his cheek and Kurt nodded and then followed the nurse to Finn's room, his heart beating like crazy and his hands shaking nervously. 

"In here," said the nurse pointing the last room in the hallway, and Kurt walked not even knowing what to feel or think.

The first thing he saw were the machines, they were everywhere and, for some reason, made him feel sick, and then he saw Finn there lying in bed.  Kurt's heart stopped for a few seconds in pain, so much pain. He already knew that Finn was going to be covered by all those things that keep him breathing while he was still in the coma, that his head was going to be covered by the bandage that was protecting the wound on his head, and he knew that his right arm was going to be in a cast, he knew all those things and still he felt like fainting when he finally saw him. Finn looked so weak and injured, his skin was pale and the tube that he had in his mouth made him look even worse. Kurt walked next to him, tears falling for his face and wanting to touch him but afraid of injuring him further. He sat in the chair that was next to the bed and he looked from face to foot at Finn. It was hard to believe Finn was like this. The doctors had said he was out of risk, but he looked like he could die at any moment, he looked like if each beat of his heart was going to be the last one. 

Kurt finally took his left hand and he didn't care about the tears, not anymore. He was touching him, he was in front of him after two days of a terrible expectation where he had thought that he was not going to see Finn alive one more time. He wanted to tell him so badly how much he loved him, how much he missed him and apologize for what had happened the last time they had talked. He needed him to wake up, he needed to see his eyes looking at him, he needed to kiss him, to feel him and stop thinking that he could lose him any moment. He needed him alive or he was going to die inside. Kurt  stayed there with his hand over his, minutes happened and he just looked at Finn until the nurse came back and told him that the twenty minutes had finished. Kurt sighed, he got up from the chair and kissed Finn's cheek whispering a softly ' _I love you_ ' before leaving the room.

When he was out of the room and Carole had entered to see Finn, Kurt called Mercedes and asked her to take him to Anne's house because he needed to see Elizabeth. Mercedes drove in silence while Kurt was looking out of the window, desperate to see his daughter after two days of not having moved from the hospital. When they got to Anne's house and she walked them to the living room where was her mom and Elizabeth, Kurt practically ran to his daughter and the girl screamed in happiness when she saw her father, she was yelling ' _Dadda, dadda_ ' over and over, Kurt hold her in his arms and then started to cry not caring that Anne, Jenny, and Mercedes were looking at him with surprise.

"He's going to be ok, Elly," he whispered to her, using the diminutive for the first time "Daddy is going to be fine, I promise you. I'll bring him home soon and we're being together as always," he said, tears falling and the girl put her face over his shoulder and played with the buttons on his shirt. “Daddy's going to be ok, I promise you.”

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 *** ** Gay men can not donate blood in Unite States just like most of the world, even when they have fight for this to be changed, they can't donate blood and there have been changes in this rule but not they are not very helpfully. For more information: h t t p : / / w w w . guardian . co . uk /world/ 2011/ sep /08 / gay-ban-blood-donation-lifted **(or)** h t t p : / / w w w . msnbc . Msn . c o m / i d / 37599992 / ns / health-aids/ t / ban-gay-blood-donors-upheld / # . T8nJkdXQyIA


	3. Lean on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started to write this fic a year ago, way before Cory's tragedy death, but I still want to warn that this fic (and this chapter) contain lot of angst relate to Finn Hudson. I wrote it like a normal fandom but now I want to keep posting and writing about this fic in memory of Cory. Also, I don't watch glee any more, for me Finn is alive and it'd be like that forever. 
> 
> Warnings: Angst.

_Call me...  
For it won't be long_   
_Till I'm gonna need_   
_Somebody to lean on_

 

 

Nights at the hospital were the worst, at least that's how Kurt felt. There was always this depressing environment around him that it made him feel suffocated, like if the quiet of the night at the hospital increased the amount of sadness in the already sorrowful picture of sick people, and even when it was broken by the nurses and doctors that worked at night, they didn't talk that much like those that worked during the day so it was saddest. And in this case, everything seemed worse because of people with neurological diseases looked so lifeless, they were in the seventh floor of the hospital, a floor that was for neurological treatments, it was a real nightmare and Kurt had learned that this floor was very depressing. Or maybe it wasn't like the hospital became in a more depressing place during nights, maybe it was just that at night, when he was left alone with his thoughts, his feelings, his fears and Finn who was still in a coma... everything submerged him even more in this state of deep grief.

Kurt was sat in his chair next to Finn and trying to focus in the book he has in his hands since he couldn't sleep. It was four in the morning and he was really tired, his body practically screaming him in pain for not giving it a properly rest, but he kept ignoring it. After a few minutes of not being able to focus on the reading, he put the book next to Finn's leg and then crossed his arms, reading was worthless if he had read the same phrase more than six times and still not knew what it truly said. He heard a knock at the open door (it was prohibited to be closed, except when the patient needed a bath or be dressed) and Kut looked up to see the nurse with Finn's clinical record in her hands. She smiled nicely, as always, and came in.

"Good night, Mr. Hummel," said the nurse watching the machines next to Finn and making notes. She was the only nurse that talked to him without looking at him as if he was a freak or talked to him with a hasty voice, in fact, she was actually pretty nice with him. "Can't sleep? There's an empty room next to the elevator, you can go and try to sleep there if you want to, I won't tell anyone," she said with a smile and Kurt sighed frustrated.

"It has been four days” Kurt exclaimed bitterly looking at Finn, his eyes were closed and breathing thanks to the tube across his throat. It was the image of that tube keeping his husband alive what couldn't let him sleep. It was a really traumatic picture and he just couldn't get used to that. But also, he couldn't stop watching the machine, he was afraid that it could turn off any moment, even when he knew that it was highly unlikely. " _Four_ days. How?" he murmured despondently.

The nurse looked at him patiently, she knew that Kurt had trust her since the beginning. She had been the one responsible for informing him and his family about the progress of Finn's brain surgery. Honestly, she had also seen that the man tried hard to not complain with the doctors but she also knew that her co-workers not always were understanding with the patient's family, especially when the diagnosis and recovery of the patient was so uncertain as it was the Finn Hudson's. Kurt Hummel looked like he was losing his mind with desperation but he just sighed one more time and kept talking.

"I mean, four days ago they finally closed the wound because his brain was not inflamed anymore and they removed the medicine that kept him in a coma," he explained. She already knew that but she listened to him without interrupting. "And he's _still_ in coma. Why hasn't he woken up?" He asked knowing that she didn't have the answer, knowing that the doctors didn't have the answer. Nobody had it and he hated it.

After five days of the accident and the success of all the surgeries, the doctorts had decided that Finn's brain was in his normal size and the bleeding hadn't came back which mean that he was recovering well. They introduced him one more time to the operating room to close the wound in his head, it hadn't last as much like the last brain surgery and the neurosurgeon had said that everything had gone well and now it was about time to expect Finn to wake up. He couldn't ensure anything since brain injuries were always different and each body reacted different, so all they could do was wait. And that's what they had done; during the last four days they had made an schedule where Carole, Burt and Kurt were switching hours to stay with Finn. But Kurt was the only one that had stayed with him at nights, after the first night with visit allowed that Kurt had been the one who had stayed all night with Finn experiencing an environment even more depressed. So he had decided that he didn't want his dad, and he _definitely_ didn't want Carole staying at the hospital during night, not when everything looked so dead... even Finn.

The nurse, her name was Eva, stopped what she was doing and walked to him. She could see the dark circles under his eyes. The man was exhausted which didn't help him to handle everything that was happening, although, she couldn't imagine that someone actually could handle that. She wasn't married but didn't need to be to know how horrible would be to have your husband, the person you love, in the same condition as was Finn Hudson.

"I know this is hard for you, Mr. Hummel," she said but he didn't look up, he was rubbing Finn's hand, the pain visible in his eyes. "But you have to trust that he's going to wake up, it hasn't been that much time. And I know that every minute is an eternity for each of you, but believe me when I say that there's still hope. Don't lose it."

Kurt shook his head. 

"I'm not stupid, you know? I know that after some time, when a person is in coma, even if they wake up, their brain had been without the appropriate function so much time that they're not the same as they were before the coma." His fingers drove from Finn's hand to his cheek and he rubbed it softly. "Every minute he's still like this, means that there's more possibilities that he's going to have some damage that won't be able to repair." Then he sighed.  "We don't even know if he's going to walk again, that's not enough? It just... so unfair," he murmured with his voice broken, but stopping the tears easily.

After the first days of the shock of the accident and crying for everything that had happened to Finn, Kurt hadn't cried again. Not that he didn't feel like that, but it was like he couldn't do it anymore. He felt like if he was in this weird trip when his body was there, sat next to Finn waiting for what it seemed impossible to happen while his feelings were trapped in the middle of his heart, all fighting to free and they couldn't escape. So he was there, feeling all this thing that he couldn't describe, was also not able to liberate from this sensation of falling that he was feeling since the moment that John had told him about the accident.

He was falling and he didn't know where.

Eva looked at him not saying anything, she knew that there's was nothing she could tell or do to make him feel better. She had seen the same attitude before with the patient's family countless times, especially when the patient had lost all chance to survive or waking up from a coma. And no matter how many times she saw it, it was always hard to handle, she tried her best to make them feel better even when it wasn't part of her job. She was a human after all, and she just could not ignore when she saw someone in so much pain. But she could also tell when someone didn't want help, even when they needed so badly.

Kurt felt the nurse's hand on his shoulder but he didn't move. 

"You should go to sleep, I'll stay here with him if you want me to," said the nurse and Kurt shook his head.

"No, I won't leave him," he said curtly not even bothering to look at her and she sighed leaving the room without saying anything else.

When he heard the steps of the nurse leaving the room, Kurt stayed looking at Finn's face, not rubbing his cheek anymore. He had avoided talking to him, it was so painful to see Carole talking to her son when he was like that. He didn't want to experiment the same frustration that he knew that she was feeling every time she begged his son to wake up and nothing happened. When his dad had been in coma when he was at high school, everybody had tried to make him hold onto something, some God that helped him to not lose the hope, and Kurt had hated it. Because it wasn't like if he didn't believe on purpose. He just _didn't_ believe, he couldn't believe in some God when he had never seen the need and motivation on that. And that time he _had_ believed in something, he had believed in his father and both of them, and Burt had woken up and everything had gone well. But this time... he believed in Finn, he believed in his love, he believed in their marriage even when the day of the accident they had had that stupid fight that had made him doubt about it for a second. But he wasn't blind, he wasn't stupid, and he knew that this time everything was so different from what had happened to his father. So different and so similar at the same time.

Kurt had discussed with his father the day he had suffered the heart attack, they had had that little fight in the workshop. Finn and he had fought, and Finn had had the accident in his workshop. It hadn't been in the same workshop, and his father hadn't had an accident, he had just gotten sick and unexpectedly that almost cost his life. Yet, they were so similar.

So, if there was a God, Kurt thought, he was probably laughing at him right now for making him go through the same thing for the third time in his life. One of them he, God, had won when his mother had died. Another one, Kurt had been blessed at not losing his father. This last one, it seemed about to be won by God again. So, what should he do now? Start to believe in God and then have someone to blame? He couldn't pray, he didn't want to pray; he wanted to scream to someone, anybody, and blame them for making this again, for making his life a hell every time they wished it. Or it was better to not believe and just blame to his damn fucking bad luck?

"You must to be enjoying this, right?" he asked to Finn with a bitter whisper. "You must love being there and knowing that I'm dying because you won't wake up. You love it, uh? You must being laughing at me because you know that if you die I'll stay here alone wishing die too but not being able to do it because we have a daughter that I can't leave, even when all I want is you be here with me. You love to be the one that who'll be gone while I'll be here grieving every single day of my life?" He didn't notice that his words weren't whispered anymore and his voice rose with every word he said. "You're a coward, Finn Hudson! You're coward if you die and leave me here when you know that I can't do this if you’re gone... I just..." The tears, all the feelings that he had been holding were breaking him and now he was standing in front of Finn and yelling what he couldn't stop, he didn't want to stop. He was tired of hiding his feelings from everybody, to pretend that he was the stronge one when he felt like the weakest person in the world, when he felt like a meanless and breakable paper "Wake up, damnit! Don't be a coward and wake up because I'm not leaving, did you hear me? I'm not leaving you! Wake the fuck up!"

He felt the arms around his shoulders making him walk backwards but he didn't care, he didn't care about anything but the angriness he felt with Finn right now.

"I'm not going to forgive you if you die, you heard me, Finn Hudson!" he screamed while a stronger arm put him backwards and sat him in a chair next to the door. "I'll never forgive you if you die. Did you hear me? _Never_!"

"Mr. Hummel, please… Kurt!" it was Eva, the nurse, she was kneeling in front of him and holding his arms and looking at him with concern "Please, calm down," she said stroking his arms "No!" she said to another nurse, a young man that had a syringe in his hand and obviously wanting to sedated him but she didn't let him. "He has to calm down by himself, ok? Just give it time. He needed this"

Kurt wasn't yelling anymore, his sobs breaking the silence around and felt his throat sore .

"Please, Finn. Please" he begged with a whisper, his all body trembling for the crying. "Please"

“Shhh, shhh,” Eva was stroking his arms giving him warmth and helping him to calm down, the other nurse had resignated and when he saw that Kurt wasn't going to scream again or do something stupid, he left them alone but didn't close the door just for precaution.

Minutes passed and Kurt's sobs finally stopped, there were still tears falling for his face but he wasn't trembling anymore and now he was just with his eyes closed and breathing deeply. Eva raised from the floor and brought the chair that was next to Finn, she put it in front of Kurt and sat looking at him without saying anything. Kurt finally opened his eyes, there were so red and puffy, his face was a disaster. She handed him a handkerchief that was in her uniform. He finally looked at her with a look of desolation.

"He's not waking up again, right?" he whispered with pain. She stroked his cheeks.

"I don't know," she answered honestly, cleaning with her hands the tearst kept falling for his face.

"Is just... I feel like he's already gone, you know?" he said and she felt like crying too, she didn't let that cases like these affect her that much, but this time she couldn't help it. "But I'm not ready to say goodbye. I can't."

"Then don't do it, there's still time. Anything can happen, ok? Don't say goodbye," she said and hugged him, following her instincts.

Kurt hugged her back and looked at Finn for a few seconds before closing his eyes and letting that the hug made him feel better. After several minutes, she conviced him to go to the empty room and sleep for a few hours, his body was so tired and the crying and screaming had increased the fatigue that as soon as his body touched the bed, he fell asleep.

 

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Although supposedly he had chosen the nights at the hospital to spend the day with his daughter and resting and go to the hospital just for a couple hours to talk to the doctors about Finn's progress, Kurt couldn't stay all day at home even when he knew that Carole and his father were with Finn. And after the emotional break he had had two nights ago, he had this urge to be with Finn all the time. So today he had called Mercedes and asked her to stay with Elizabeth at home. She had said yes. When he was on his way, Max called him to his phone asking him if it was good time to visit him and Elizabeth. The man had said that he had _accidentally_ cooked more food that he could eat so it was better to share it with someone and not waste it. Silly excuse to be around and help him with everything he could and not leave him alone, Kurt thought, but he really appreciated it. Thanks to Max, he hadn't stayed at home alone with Elizabeth while Carole and Burt were at he hospital and Mercedes was at her work during the days. But now he was on his way to the hospital so he told him that he could go to his house, eat with Mercedes and stay there and play with his daughter. Max was really good at playing with kids and he loved Elizabeth, well, everybody did.

Kurt got out from the elevator breathing with relief because he didn't see around the nurse in charge of seventh floor. She seemed to hate him and he knew that she'd be happy to draw him out from Finn's room if she saw him without the visitor's badge. Since he hadn't communicated with his dad or Carole, he knew that they'll send him back home if he call them from the entrance of the hospital. Kurt tried to sneak up to the elevator and he had had the luck of not finding any security guard in his way. He seemed surprised at not seeing his father or Carole in the room. There was nobody but Finn in there, but nothing had happened, right? Were they talking to the doctor about Finn and without telling him? Finn was right in front of him and he was fine, well, not fine... but he didn't look paler and the machines were working as always. But what if something had happened and they hadn't called him because they didn't want to worry him? 

"Kurt?" asked someone behind him and he jumped with surprise. He turned to see Eva who was smiling at him. "Well, I think I caught you.” She was grabbing a small tub with water inside and a bag in her other hand.

"What are you doing here?" he asked rudely, then he softened his voice, embarrassed. "I mean, I thought you only worked here nights." She entered the room and put the things on the little table next to the bed.

"I do, but the nurse that's here during the day is sick. I'm taking her shift. Extra money is always well received at home, you know?" she said and then looked at him seriously, they hadn't talked about what had happened two nights ago because she had been really busy. Now that he was there, she wanted to talk to him. "How are you?"

Kurt sighed, crossing his arms and finally entered the room, and then he kissed Finn's cheek as he always did when he got there.

"I'm... I think I can say I feel lighter," he said and she smiled softly. "I don't think I'm fine but I can breathe better, it that makes any sense?"

"Yeah, it does. You took away a load off. You needed that explosion, it's not healthy to hide all your feelings," she said, he thought that she was going to judging him for all the things he had told to Finn.

"I know is not healthy. It's just that all this is over me and I don't know how to control it." He combed Finn's hair with his fingers, looking at him with sadness. "I miss him so much." Then he looked at her and then remembered something, "Do you know where is my dad and stepmom? They were supposed to be here."

"I asked them to leave so I can give him his bath," she said opening the bag, and grabbing  soap and a sponge. "I think they were going for some food, so you can find them in the cafeteria," she said and then looked at Kurt who was staring at her with wide eyes. "What?"

"I-I didn't know you bathed him," he said and she raised an eyebrow and he felt embatrassed, again. "Which is stupid because this is a hospital... and patients must be clean all the time," he said.  "Sorry, I just didn't think about it until now."

"You can help me if you want to," she suggested walking to the door and closing it. Then walked to the bathroom and started to wash her hands.

"What? How? Isn't that... illegal or something?" he asked nervously and she laughed.

"Of course not, in fact, the family almost always helps. Don't know about your husband because I'm never been here when they give him his baths, but is very normal that a family wants to be around and help when the patient is being washed. It's part of the recovering, not the bath, but the interaction with someone that they feel close to," she said and Kurt looked at her, unsure. She sighed. "Look. I was honest when I said that you needed to explode the other night, because it wasn't healthy to be like you were. But you also need to get closer to your husband. Nobody really knows if someone that is in coma can hear and feel what is happening around them until they wake up. Sometimes not even then because patients tend to forget everything about being in coma when they woke up" she explained and walked to Finn again but didn't start to washing him yet "But there's something that I can tell you: when the patient is in coma, the family that's just there sitting and waiting, they suffer more than the ones who are trying to make a connection with the patient." 

Kurt looked at her and then at Finn, his eyes still full of doubts.

"So you're saying that if I help you to wash him, even if that implies to see the fresh scars in his arm and his hips, I'll feel better?" he asked making an expression of confusion and she shook her head with a soft smile.

" _No_ , what I'm saying is that you shouldn't mark the distance with him when you know it doesn't help you at all. You know that that doesn't make you feel better," she said and Kurt frowned.

"And what makes you think that I want to feel better?" he asked bitterly and she sighed "I'm sorry but the only thing I want is for him waking up."

"But you can't do that. And you don't know if he can hears you, but if he does, you're not even giving him a reason to wake up," she said with patience "When his mom was here, she was singing to him, and she told me that she also reads to him and talks to him about your daughter." She smiled brighter, "I didn't even _know_ you had a daughter."

Kurt just looked at her, if it had been another person trying to make him talk about his family, he would have answered rudely and then called for another nurse. But Eva had something that made him trust her and she had been so nice with him since the beginning that he almost felt like she was a friend. But it was really difficult for him what she was asking him to do. He didn't want to talk to Finn. It hurt so much and what he had said two nights ago made him feel guilty even when he didn't really know if Finn could hear him. He didn't want to lose control again and feeling even worse with himself.

“I know that this is hard to handle and you feel miserable, but you can't be like this all the time,” she said with sadness and he didn't make a move. "But you have to try. You know that is proven that music can be therapeutic for sick people? I bet you can sing," she said with a playful smile and he tried to not smile but couldn't help it.

"Yeah, I can," he admitted whit his tiny ‘Kurt-Hummel-selfproud-smile’

"Ok, let's make a deal. You sing to him while a give him the bath, what do you think?"

Kurt frowned a little.

"That you have a really kinky mind?" he said without thinking about it and then they laughed, but Kurt suddenly put a hand over his mouth like if he had said something horrible and closed his eyes with pain and then looked at Finn guilty. 

"Hey, it's ok to laugh once in a while," she said, but Kurt shook his head putting down his hand and not raising his eyes from the sheets of the bed like if he had done something really bad. "Kurt, listen, you're _not_ killing him by laughing," she murmured and he shook his head one more time.

"I know but, it's just feel wrong to do it with all this and especially when he's here like that," he whispered taking Finn's hand and breathing deeply. “I'm sorry, Finn,” he said. She sighed walking to him and sitting next to him, Kurt turned to see her smiling.“I know that there's nothing bad with laughing, but I just... can't do it without feeling that I'm hurting him, you know?"

"Well, that's stupid," she said putting his arm around his shoulders. "You think that crying is the only way to demonstrate that you're worrying for him? That you miss him and love him?" Kurt only shrugged. "I think it's time to you to stop this, it's not good for you and it's not going to help Finn."

"What do you mean?" he asked turning to her and she made him stand up and walked him to the bathroom.

"Wash your hands, you're going to help me," she said crossing her arms with determination. Kurt looked at her quite surprised.

"I really don't think that's a good idea. I don't want to hurt him," he said nervously and she smiled.

"You're not going to hurt him because I'll tell you what to do,"

"Why do you want me to do this? It's not like... giving him a bath is not going to make him wake up," he said sadly and pointing at Finn.

"You don't know that. And I'm doing this for _you_ ," she emphasized "You need to stop thinking about how bad he is and that he might die any minute, or that he's not going to wake up. You already had your moment of break down, and that was just fine because you needed it," she said firmly and Kurt was looking at her with wide eyes "But you can't go back to that. You need to see what you _do_ have. You have him alive, he's clearly fighting for his life, he might still in a coma but I'm sure he's fighting to wake up. So if he's fighting, you should do the same and fight for him."

"How?" asked Kurt sourly. "I can't make him wake up. And talking to him is not going to bring him back," he said calmly. "I'm not like him. He's the one that never loses hope, he's the one that always think that everything is going to be okay no matter how bad it looks. He's the one that can make our daugther stop crying by just _talking_ to her," he said with a sad smile because it was true. "I'm not an optimistic person, I don't know how to think that things going to be fine when everything keeps falling apart. I'm sure that if I were the one in the coma, he'd be doing all that stuff that family always do. He wouldn't be like me just acting like if I were expecting the worst. Trust me, I don't want the worst. It's just... I can't help to think that that's going to happen when he's been like this for _days_ and he's not seemed like if he's waking up again. I want to fight for him, I _do_. I just don't know how to do it."

"Wash your hands," repeated Eva. Kurt stared at her, but she just stayed there looking at him and he sighed and finally did what she had asked. When he was done, she walked to Finn and he followed her putting in the other side of the bed. The first thing she did was take the wet sponge and the soap and passed them down the Finn's cheeks, being careful not to remove the tube in his mouth that helped him to breathe. Once that his cheeks were covered with a white layer of soap, she took a new razor from the bag. Eva looked at Kurt doubtfully.

"Do you want to shave him while I start to wash him?" she asked and Kurt nodded, that was something he could do easily, right? So Kurt rolled his shirt sleeves and took the razor from Eva's hands. He leaned over Finn and started to shave his cheeks; he had never done that before. They had this nice and lovely routine where they met each other in the bathroom every other morning to do their cleaning and they both shave at the same time, but never to each other. But this was nice and he got to help Finn with something, it wasn't the big help but it felt good to do something and not just stay there feeling helpless.

Once he had finished, Kurt went to the bathroom and cleaned the things he had used, when he came back to the room he saw that Eva had removed the hospital gown that Finn was wearing. She wasn't looking at Kurt or saying anything. He stayed there watching Finn's body, there were few healed cuts in his chest that he didn't know he had, there were also some bruising here and there that looked minimal compared with his head bandaged and his arm that she didn't touch. When Finn was fully naked she passed the damp sponge with the soap from his neck to his chest, the hair on Finn's body stood by the contrast of the warm water with the air, although the water wasn't cold nor the air, and Kurt felt fascinated by that reaction so natural, so lively and encouraging coming from the his husband's body. Eva continued avoiding the right arm carefully when she cleaned around it. Kurt saw motions attentively and then, without even thinking about it, he took a sponge that was in the bag and she passed him the soap with a small smile. Kurt imitated her moves but washed Finn's long legs, his thighs, and then, with a different sponge, his genitals. Everything felt so intimate, and not because he was washing Finn's private parts but because for the first time in days, Kurt felt close to Finn. He felt him there with him like he hadn't felt him in days that were becoming a painful eternity. His hands were washing his stomach now and it saddened him to see that Finn looked a bit thinner but it was really minimal so he decided to no worry about it, besides the doctors had told him that coma patients always lost weight but it was normal and that kept them well fed. Eva was drying what she had washed around his arms. 

And it was in that moment when Kurt felt that Finn wasn't weak as he had thought since the accident had happened. He could feel the fortress in his muscles, he was feeling the warm of his body, he traveled with his fingers what he had touched and cherished from all these years. Sometimes when they were having sex, others in which they just touched to each other, to know and recognize by touch every part of his body. Finn was there, he could feel it, _he could feel him_. It was so wonderful and Kurt chuckled a little for that and feeling warmth in his heart, a warmth people called hope. Eva put all the things in the bag and left the room closing the door behind her, Kurt hadn't even noticed. Kurt covered Finn's body with a blanket, kissed his chest and then his forehead several times, smiling at him and taking his hand in his and stroking his hair with the other hand.

"I promise you that I'll fight for you," he said to Finn still smiling. "And you have to promise me that you're not giving up, okay? Because I'm not" he promised him and kissed his forehead one more time.

Half an hour later, Eva entered in the room with a clean hospital gown for Finn. She saw that Kurt was singing while his fingers stroked his husband's hair, she barely could hear him. It took her a few seconds to recognize the song, she hadn't heard it for a long time and noticed that, in fact, Kurt could sing very well, she smiled and didn't make any sound and left the room again as she heard the end of “Here Comes the Sun”by the Beatles.

 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* 

Mercedes opened the door and entered to the house talking happily to Elizabeth who was in her arms. The little girl listening to her and playing with her hair.

"Kurt?" she asked, putting her diaper bag on the table that was besides the entrance. "We're here!" she announced, walking to the living room but not finding anybody around there.

"We he'e!" repeated the girl and Mercedes smiled at her. Elizabeth applauded with happiness.

"Yeah, we're here," she said to Elizabeth and walked to the kitchen to find Kurt there with Burt. "Oh, Hi, Mr. Hummel," she greeted.

"Hello, Mercedes,” he said standing up, opening his arms. He smiled at his granddaughter and started to talk like a child. "Why, who's here? Isn't the most beautiful girl in the planet?" he said. Elizabeth screamed with  happiness practically jumping to his arm. "Ouch!" exclaimed Burt, smiling even more. "Well, don't know how you do it, but you're heavier everyday, little monster!!"

"Dad!" complained Kurt, while Mercedes kissed his cheek as a hello. "Could you do me the favor of not calling my daughter horrible nicknames, please?" he said not angrily, and Burt started to tickle her tummy, the girl laughing hysterically. Kurt put a sad smile.

"Oh, I used to call you _white peanut_ all the time when you were two like this little beauty, and you're just fine," said Burt smiling to his granddaughter. Kurt just rolled his eyes not bothering to complain  about that.

"So what did your boss say?" asked Mercedes sitting next to him. Kurt sighed and looked at his cup of coffee with resignation "Oh, don't tell me that that bastard fired you. He can't!"

"No, he didn't. But he's not happy," he explained. "He understands what is happening and that I can't be there right now, but I'm in charge of an entire section of the magazine. He needs me there," he said looking at his dad. He was giving his fruit salad to Elizabeth and talking to her. "He can't fire me but he can take me back to administration and put someone else in my place."

Mercedes opened her mouth with surprise.

"He did not! It cost you three years to get that place!" she screamed and Burt looked at her with a frown because she had scared the girl "Sorry. It's just... so unfair"

"I know, Mercedes," said Kurt shrugging. "I still have the position, but if I don't give him an advance of the articles that are supposed to be published for next week,  I'll have to go back to administration. And honestly, the last thing I want to do now is check and write articles about clothes and fashion. So there's nothing I can really do."

"But... is he going to give you back your job when you have more time?" she asked and he just gave her a look that said _'do you really think that?'_ and Mercedes just sighed with frustration. "I'm so sorry, Kurt," she said and he shrugged again.

"It's ok, I really don't care about my job right now," he murmured. "If he wants to take me back to administration, so be it. I won't stop staying with Finn or here with Elizabeth, they're way more important that the magazine or my place in there."

"But it's not fair," she murmured and Kurt smiled sadly.

"Life's never fair, Mercedes," he said with a sigh. "It never is."

"I say that you should sue his ass if he takes you back to administration," said Burt, talking to them with a rough voice. "He can't do that to you, Kurt. You're not taking vacations of dismissing from your duties because you want to," he said, making jump the girl in his arms because she was staring to get irritated. That didn't calm her down, and Kurt looked at her before raising her arms and Burt gave her to him. "Kurt, where are you going? I'm talking to you," he said when Kurt left the kitchen and followed him to the front door, while Kurt was looking for something in the diaper bag. "Kurt, I  mean it, if you don't sue him, I will"

The girl started to cry and Kurt kept looking in the diaper bag ignoring his father. He finally found what he was looking for: a set of keys. And Burt knew that there were Finn's keys because they were on the key chain he had given to him years ago after he and Carole had made it back from their little trip to Euroup. The girl took the keys and started to play immediately with them making a rattling sound. Burt sighed with sadness looking at his son.

"Kurt, I know this is hard and you're in pain. I know how do you feel," he said softly while Kurt was now seeing his daughter and wiggling her in his arms. "But you can't let that this ruin what you've worked for so much time. You can't let this ruin your future."

Kurt laughed bitterly and finally looked at him.

"Ruin my future?" he asked angrily "Dad, my whole present is ruined! Do you really think I give a shit about some stupid job?" he asked and Elizabeth was staring at him with wide eyes. Mercedes, that had followed them, walked to Kurt and took the girl without saying anything and took her upstairs.

"You have a daughter, Kurt. You should give a damn about your job since it's the money you earn what feeds her," he answered. "You think I don't know how you feel? I know how hard is all this, but you just can't give up. I didn't left my job when your mom died, Kurt..."

"Finn's not dead! This is not the same!" he screamed breaking the silence and tranquillity in the house. Then nobody said anything else for a few seconds.

"I know, son. But it's been two weeks, we don't know if he's going to..."

"Don't!" warned Kurt, he knew how much time that had happened, he had counted, almost unconsciously, every single hour that had happened since the accident. But It didn't mean that he was ready to hear what his father, what everybody was thinking. Besides, the doctors kept telling them that there was still brain functions, that he wasn't losing them but neither gaining more. There was still hope and Kurt had meant it when he had said to Finn that he wasn't giving up. So to think that Finn couldn't wake up, that could die, it wasn't an option for him, not anymore.

"Look, Kurt. I know that he's not dead and that there's still hope. But you just can't stop your life when you have a daughter who needs you."

"I'm not leaving her, dad. And I'm not stopping my life, it's just that Finn is more important that my job."

"I know that. But you can't afford losing your place when you have to pay the bills at the hospital that are getting higher everyday."

"Finn has a really good health insurance and what I'm paying is minimal, Dad. And even if they took me back to administration, my salary will be good enough to feed my daughter without any problem." He crossed his arms and looked at his father with hurt. "I didn't think that you would care more about my job than my husband, Dad. Your step-son."

"That's not fair, Kurt. You know I love Finn like if he was my son and all this is killing me as much is killing you and Carole. But I also have to see for your welfare and Elizabeth's. And what you're doing with your job isn't right. You think I don't know what you're doing?" he asked, and Kurt turned his face avoiding his eyes. "You're ignoring the reality, you're pulling yourself from the rest of the world like if you were also in coma."

"That's not true, dad" exclaimed Kurt watching him again with indignity.

"Yes you are, Kurt. When was the last time you slept more than four hours?" he asked, as Kurt rolled his eyes. "Don't act like that's not important. You barely eat, you've lost weight, you stay here but don't rest. You call the hospital every hour to ask about Finn. And don't think that I don't know that you call Anne or Mercedes to take care of you daughter so you can go and sneak to the hospital when you know Carole and I are getting lunch," he said and Kurt snorted not saying anything. "You think that that's healthy? You think that Elizabeth doesn't notice that something really bad is happening?"

"What do you want me to do then? Pretend that everything's just fine and Finn is on a business trip? Trust me, Dad. The least I want is that Elizabeth is affected by what is happening. But I can't do that much, when I'm with her I do my best to be happy and play with her, but she misses him, Dad. It's not only about my attitude, she misses Finn. I can't make her change that. She might not be able to understand what's happening, but she knows Finn isn't here. She's a human too and she has the same right than us to suffers while Finn is gone, Dad."

"But you're letting her suffer more than she can support at almost not being with her. She misses you too, and I and Carole try hard to be with her when you're at the hospital, but is not the same for her. She needs her fathers, and you can be with her but you're not even trying."

"I do try!" he objected "You know that I love my daughter with everything and I'd never hurt her no matter what happens with Finn. I try to be for her as much as I can and not letting that my feelings for Finn's state affects her. Why are you insisting so much with this?"

"Because I don't want you to do to her the same I did with you when your mom died!"

Kurt was speechless for a moment.

"What are you talking about?" he asked in a whisper.

Burt breathed deeply with sadness before answering.

"When your mom died, I wanted to die too, Kurt," he said "And everybody told me that she had left me the best thing I could ever ask: _you_. I knew it, I loved you so much, but I was in pain and I couldn't stop thinking about her, and you've always been so much like her that I couldn't be with you without seeing her in your eyes, and in everything you did." He cleared his throat. "So it was easier for me to work harder and give you all the presents I could, to buy you all the things you wanted it rather than spend time with you. And one day, I realized that you weren't a kid anymore, that you were at high school, telling me that you were gay. All I could think was that I had lost your childhood, that you had grown up in front of my eyes and I had missed it. I knew you were gay and I never did anything to help you to face the world even when I knew how mean people are with gay kids." His voice was broken now "You lost your mom when you were just a kid and you lost me too, and you have no idea how sorry I am for that. I'll never forgive myself for leaving you alone when you needed me the most."

" _Dad_... Dad, that's not true. You were there for me, you always have. You're a fantastic father" Kurt approached his father but he shook his face, tears in his eyes.

"I'm not, Kurt. I never was for you the way you needed me. I left you grow up without being a proper dad for you. And I know you never stopped loving me for that, but the childhood you had it wasn't the best and I could have done so much for you to be a happier kid and I didn't. I'm so sorry, Kurt."

Kurt put his hands over his father's shoulders.

"It's okay, dad. I know that it wasn't easy for you, and you might not see it but you were for me the best dad I could ever had. You never tried to change me even when I knew you got scared everytime I asked you to buy me clothes that boys didn't wear, or never tried to change my dislike for sports even when your friends used to laugh at my complains about what you watched on tv." He smiled at his father "And you don't know how much I thank that you always supported my sexuality even when it scared you at how much I was going to suffer for that in Ohio. You are the best father in the world, Dad." He could feel his voice broke but he didn’t cry. "And I promise you that if Finn... that if, after all, I stay alone with Elizabeth, I won't leave her alone, I'll try to be the best dad for her. I promise you" Burt nodded wiping his tears and Kurt hugged him without letting go for a few minutes.

"Here, let's go clean the kitchen up and then we can go to the park so Elizabeth have fun with us, what do you think?" asked Burt seconds later. "Carole said that she could stay with Finn all day so we can hang out a little." Kurt smiled to his father.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Let me tell Mercedes to come back. I think we scared her a bit,” he joked and Burt smiled. "I'll be right back to help you with the kitchen said and climbed the stairs. Mercedes and Elizabeth were in his room, the girl was quiet and watching the children's storybook that the woman was reading.

"Sorry about that," apologized Kurt, sitting in the bed next to his daughter. The girl was still quiet and he kissed her head. "I promise that I won't fight again with your grandpa," he said to his daughter.

"He's right, you know? About your job, you should do the best to keep your place," suggested Mercedes looking at him with a raised eyebrow, and Kurt nodded with a sigh.

"I know, I'll have to get done with what my boss asked for next week.”

"I can help you if you want. I'm the one that taught you everything you know about fashion after all," she said with a playful smile and Kurt laughed still carrying his daughter. The girl looked at his smile amazedly and put her fingers over his mouth and Kurt kissed them, still smiling.

"I thought I was the one that had taught you everything about fashion," said Kurt and Mercedes shrugged with a smile. "Anyway, you're already helping me enough with everything. I'll do it myself, don't worry. But thanks."

"Always a pleasure" she said as usual.

"So my dad wants to go to the park, you wanna come with us? We haven't hang out with Elizabeth lately and I'm sure she'll love to go to the playground," he asked and Mercedes seemed nervous and a little embarassed "What?"

"I already had plans..." she murmured, blushing. "But I can go with you if you want to, I can change my plans to another day, don't worry."

Kurt frowned.

"What? You don't have to change them for me. Mercedes. You've been there for me this whole two weeks, every time I needed you. I'm sorry, I've been selfish with you."

"You haven't been selfish, Kurt. Don't say that. I understand that was happening is really important and you can't think of anything else. Besides, you're my best friend and I'll be always there for you, and I know you'd do the same for me." She followed him and Kurt smiled at her.

"Of course I'll do it… So, what plans do you have for today?" he asked putting Elizabeth in the bed,  the girl jumped to the book and started change the pages pointing the pictures in there and talking out loud.

Mercedes blushed even more.

"I ha-I have a date" she said more embarrassed and Kurt blinked with surprise.

"Oh," he said softly and Mercedes shook her head firmly. 

"You know what, forget it. I'll call and cancel and go with you to the park, this is silly, I shouldn't be dating when you're with all your problems. I'm sorry," she stammered and Kurt frowned.

"Hey, hey! You're not canceling anything, Mercedes. And who told you that you should stop enjoying your life just because mine sucks at the moment?" he asked with a raised eyebrow and crossing his arm, a completely diva pose.

"You're my best friend," she explained and Kurt shrugged, not understanding.

"So what?"

" _So what?_ I shouldn't be dating when all this is happening to you, it's insensitive on my part. I should be there for you and supporting you all I can," she murmured and Kurt shook his head approaching her.

"Listen to me Mercedes," he said firmly "First: there's nothing wrong with you dating, no matter how bad my life is. No, I haven't finished yet," he said when he saw that she was about to object. "It'd be insensitive of me to ask you to stop your world just because mine is not working well. Second: You are already helping me and supporting me all you can, so don't think that I'll feel bad if you go out and have fun. I wouldn't be a good friend if I stop you to live your own life. So you're going to your date and have fun and then call me ant tell me how was it, just like always, ok?" he asked smiling her and Mercedes smile sadly. "It's okay, I promise you" he assured to her. 

"Fine. But you call me if something happens, ok?" she said kissing his cheek and Kurt nodded.

"I promise you." then he looked at her with a playful smile "So who's the lucky one? Do I know him?" he asked and she blushed againg, Kurt laughed "Oh I know him, right? Who is he?"

"I'm not telling you!" she said smiling and Kurt growled like a child.

"Oh please, tell me, please, please, please," he said and Mercedes laughed shooking her head.

"P'ease, p'ease!" repeated Elizabeth from the bed and both adults started to laugh at that.

"See? Even Elizabeth wants to know, you'll have to tell me who is it" argument Kurt taking her daughter in his arms, the girl still repeating 'p'ease'

"Kurt?" it was Burt in the door from the room, his face was very serious and his eyes were red and Kurt felt a pain in his chest. Something had happened, he knew it at the moment he saw his father’s expression. 

"What is it?" he asked with fear and his heart beated faster when he saw that his dad has his phone in his hand. Burt sighed before answering. 

"Carole just called. It's... Finn woke up," he said with a broken voice and with a huge smile on his face.


	4. Like a prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started to write this fic a year ago, way before Cory’s tragedy death, but I still want to warn that this fic (and this chapter) contain lot of angst relate to Finn Hudson. I wrote it like a normal fandom but now I want to keep posting and writing about this fic in memory of Cory. Also, I don’t watch glee any more, for me Finn is alive and it’d be like that forever.

_I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing_   
_I have no choice, I hear your voice_   
_Feels like flying_

 

 

Carole was standing right out of the nursing station of the neurological area.  Her hands were grabbing her purse and she looked really pale. Nobody was with her and she looked so scared. Burt and Kurt walked fast to her and she hugged Burt.  Kurt could see that she was shaking desperately but she wasn't crying, she just looked in shock.

"What happened?" asked Kurt touching her back. She let go of the embrace and shook her face.  Kurt got scared. "Where's Finn?" 

"He's in his room but they won't let me in," she said nervously. Burt and Kurt exchanged a look.

"You said he woke up. Did he really wake up?" asked Burt. It wasn't because he didn't believe her, but her call had been so quick. She hadn't said too much and maybe he had heard wrong, and everything was a mistake.

"That's what the doctor said," was her answer and Kurt frowned. 

"What do you mean? You weren't there to see it?" he asked roughly. Burt looked him angrily and he blushed a bit. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's ok, honey," she said. Then she sighed before explaining. "I was there, sittting next to him and knitting a sweater for Elizabeth, and suddenly the machines started making noises and Finn was suddenly shaking so much and I..." Her eyes were red and her voice broken. "I thought he was d-dying and I-I y-yelled for hel-lp and the doctor and nurses came in and, oh I'm sorry," she apologized, wiping her tears. Burt put his arm around her shoulders, she put her face on his chest. "It was really scary because the machines won't stop beeping like crazy and Finn was shaking _so_ much and making those terrible noises. But then one of the nurses told me that he was breathing, you know, by himself and that he was acting like that because of the tube in his mouth. Then the doctor said that he was reacting, you know? Consicous. Then they told me to get out and a nurse told me to wait in here. That was ten minutes ago and then she returned and just told me that he was okay. We have to wait for the doctor but she couldn't tell me anything else about Finn," she cried and Burt hugged her again. Kurt looked at her and then to the hallway where were the patient's rooms. 

"I'll go and see him and figure out what's going on." said Kurt, but his father put a hand in his shoulder stopping him.

"No, Kurt. We're waiting here until someone comes and tells us what's going on," and Kurt saw his annoyance. What was he expecting him to do? Wait calmly until someone had the damn mercy to tell them what was happening? Hell no.

"Dad, he's _awake_ , I can't wait anymore. It's been two weeks!"

"I know, son. But you don't know how is he and you can't help him, _they_ can. So let them do their work," he said, trying to reason with Kurt. He still seemed determined to go to Finn's and interrupt them if necessary.

"I'm not waiting any longer, Dad," said Kurt. Burt let go of Carole to take his son by his arm. They walked away from her, but she was looking at them nervously. "Let me go, Dad!"  Kurt exclaimed but Burt didn't do what he asked. 

"Stop it, Kurt. You're making Carole nervous. You know that there's nothing you can do for Finn now but wait. I know you want to know what's happening, but so do we. We all are worried, but this is not the place and time to lose control and make them take out you from this floor. "Is that what you want?" 

"I just want to see him," said Kurt in a whisper. He understood that his dad was right but he felt like he couldn't wait anymore. It was too hard when Finn was supposedly awake after all that it had happened and he was steps from him. Burt looked at him and Kurt nodded sadly, "I'll wait, don't worry."

"We're going to see him soon," he said and turned back to Carole who seemed as anxious as Kurt but was not about to run to to Finn's room. "Now let's go and find somewhere to sit and wait there, ok?"

They found an empty room and a nurse that was walking around there. She allowed them to sit inside as long they didn't move anything. Honestly, did she think they were kids? Kurt and Carole sat next to the door while Burt stayed at the frame. He was on guard that some doctor or nurse would belooking for them. Carole sighed and started knitting the sweater she had in her hands. Kurt smiled sadly.

"It's beautiful," he said pointing at the sweater. Carole snorted with a gesture of modesty and Kurt put his hand on her knee. "It is. It's going to look great on Elizabeth when you finish it," he complemented and she turned to him smiling. 

"Thank you, sweetheart," she said taking Kurt's hand.  "You know that they're doing all that's in their hands to help Finn, right?" she talked seriously and Kurt frowned, confused. "I'm talking about the doctors, the nurse and everybody at this hospital that have helped him since the beginning. They're doing their best." 

"Of course I know that," said Kurt, still confused. He hadn't put in doubt the medical attention that Finn had been receiving the last two weeks, but he didn't understand what Carole was trying to say. Did she really think that he didn't value the medical staff that was working with Finn? He did. And Eva was practically a friend of his by now.

"Well, then you should let them do their job, Kurt. As hard as it is to admit to myself, I know I can't help Finn as much as I would like." She put her other hand on her chest with a broken smile. "And believe me that if I could, I'd give _my_ life for his. I'd change our places without doubt. But I can't, I can't do that.  I have to watch my own son, _my baby_ , there and without the knowledge if I going to have him back again." She wiped the tears that were falling from her eyes. Kurt squeezed her hand but she kept talking, "But I do know that right now, Finn needs more the doctors than me or you or anyone that love him. It's really hard to accept that but we have to do it, and we have to let them do whatever they need to. Do you understand?" 

"I do, but I... I just..." He didn't know what to say.

"You just want to see him. I know, me too," she whispered and Kurt nodded. "But, even when you're used to have the control in your life, even when we're used to that, there are moments when we become viewers of our own lives and can't do anything about it." 

Even when all he wanted was to object, it took him only one glance to her eyes to notice and understand what she was telling him. All because she wanted  him  to calm down so he won't do something stupid, like his father had tried minutes ago. She was in the same position as him, in fact, her position it was even more vulnerable. He might love Finn with all his being, but her love was a motherly love.  There was nothing compared with it, and he knew it.

"I'm sorry if I scared you earlier," he apologized looking at her with embarrassment. She shook her head. "I'm not a teenager anymore, I should stop acting like that, right?" he said with a nervous chuckle, and Carole repeated the gesture. 

"You were always the most mature teenger I ever met," she said firmly "But you always were the guy that wanted to have everything under control.  It was understandable but not the most wise. Nobody can have everything under control, and life has been teaching you that. It happened with me in the worse way I could imagine, and I should had tried to listen others. I didn't and I lived with guilt with so long when I wasn't guilty about anything."

She was talking about Finn's dad, he knew it. And he knew the story that Finn had told him years ago, but it was obvious that there was a lot behind that story. Nobody else but Carole knew, and probably none will never know, not even Burt. But watching her talking about that without even talking about it, made Kurt wonder how much she had been through when Finn was just a kid. How much she had suffered alone? And what she was saying now was nothing more than the confession that she had been like him at some point. She was trying to take control over something that was out of  her hands and then could lose everything. He wonder how many years had she been feeling guilty about her husband's suicide, and if there was still moments when she felt that she could have done something else. The thought made him feel sad and gave him a sense of protection over Carole that he didn't feel very often. It wasn't because he didn't love her, but because she always seemed so strong to him that he always felt safer with her.

Kurt wrapped his arms around her hugging her strongly but she didn't seem to care because she responded the embrace with the same force as his. He felt his father's hand over his arm and Kurt turned to see that the doctor was out of the room looking at them with expectation. Kurt gulped nervously. He stood up taking Carole's hand and the doctor smiled briefly, but he could tell that he smiled with more than courtesy than because he really had a reason to smile. It was the same doctor that had operated on Finn's brain twice. He wasn't exactly the most sensitive person in the planet, but Kurt could see that he was really good at his job so he was happy with that, althought he'd prefer another doctor to give them the news, because if there was bad news he would want someone sensitive.

"Can you follow me to my office, please? It's on the second floor but I prefer talking there than in an empty room," he said not expecting for an answer and walked with them to the elevator. Kurt sighed and had to bite his tongue. He didn't want to say something rude, even when the man was being rude. If there was something he had learned in the past  few weeks it was that there were all kind of medics but, sadly, most of them were cold, rude, and insensitive. It was like almost a rule of being a important doctor.

The way to the office was silent, awkward, anxious, and expectant. Kurt reminded himself Carole's words and never said anything.  He didn't go back to the seventh floor which was all he wanted to do now. He knew that Finn wasn't in the doctor's office, so he didn't see the point or going there to talk when they could talk perfectly okay on the seventh floor. When they were finally there, the doctor made a gesture indicated them to take a sit. They did and Kurt never let go of Carole's hand. The three of them looked at the doctor waiting for him to talk, and honestly, the man knew how to make them hold their breath with expectation.

"Please, doctor, tell us how is Finn. You got us on edge," said Burt crudely, clearly nervous. "I mean, is he awake, did he really woke up?" He asked what the three of them were dying to know. 

"Yes," answered the doctor.  Kurt and Carole made a sound of excitement while Burt sighed with relief. The doctor started to talk before they got too excited. "We can't tell how he is yet," he said and they didn't say anything. They already knew that if Finn woke up, there would be the risk of neurological damage. And if they had been with him for so long since he had awake, it was because they were obviously examining him.

"So... is he, does he have something, like a function problem in his body or, I don't know. How is he?" asked Kurt trying not to act demanding. Just because Finn was awake now, it didn't mean everything was suddenly okay, he didn't even know whether he was conscious. They had told them that there were cases where patients that had been in coma and then woke up. Sometimes they were never conscious again, they didn't talk or make eye contact, they didn't walk or couldn't eat by themselves or do anything. It was like being in a coma but with their eyes opened. Kurt almost vomited at the idea of Finn being like that.

The doctor saw the nervousness in the three of them and also the queasy tone in Kurt's face. He suddenly softened his expression, but still looked cold and professional. He was clearly trying to be as understanding as he could be. So he decided to talk calmly and make sure to explain everything as clearly he could.

"I need you to listen to me first.  When I finish you can ask all the questions you want, ok?" he said and they nodded. The doctor looked satisfied and sighed prepared himself to talk.  It wasn't because he was too nervous, but Kurt had already yelled at him for his dramatic acting. He made him talk once and for all "Mr. Hudson woke up and, as you could see," motioning his head to Carole.  "And he did it trying to breathe by himself. This doesn't mean that he's completely conscious. We still can't tell if he is fully with us or not because we had to sedate him to remove the tube in his mouth and..."

"What? Did you sedate him? Why would you do that when he finally woke up?" interrupted Kurt with a yell and Carole stopped him from getting up by pulling his arm.

"Sir, do you really think I would sedate your husband if I wasn't sure that it is the best for him?" asked the doctor angrily and Kurt didn't answer. he just stared at him annoying. "Now, as I was saying. We needed to sedate him. When I say 'sedate' I mean exactly that. He's not in a coma again and there's nothing wrong to sedate him after he's been in a coma for two weeks. It was something necessary because his body was reacting sharply to the intubation.  This is pretty normal when a patient wakes up and they try to breathe by their own way but can't because of the tube. So we sedated him and then removed the intubation. Fortunately he was still breathing by his own before he fell back asleep. He can breathe normally and, trust me, that's pretty promising for a patient that has suffered the kind of damage that he had in the accident," he explained stopping for a second before he continued talking "This is good news.  Before he fell asleep he was moving.  It was for the shock,  but there was movement  in all his extremities."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Carole with a broken smile, putting her hands over her mouth. "He can walk, right? He won't need a wheelchair?" she asked,  looking at Burt who had the same smile and he kissed her forehead.

“ I'm not an orthopedist so I can't assure that,  but he was moving perfectly well both legs and both arms, even his right arm. I'm sure he'll need a lot of physical therapy but this proves that his spine didn't suffer any irreversible damage. So yes, this is a really good news."

Carole turned to Kurt who was looking at the floor. He wasn't crying or making any movement.  She put her hand over his shoulder and he looked up. His eyes were red but the tears weren't falling, finally smiled and shook his head. He couldn't talk but he was as relieved as them at the news, and she hugged him. The doctor didn't say anything and gave them time to process the good news. Minutes later they let go of the hug, and the man continued with the explanation. 

"Even when he can move his body, we still need to know if his psychomotor functions are working well. We won't know it until he's awake because that can only be handled on a conscious level. The same goes to his cognitive area that includes his memory, his intellectual capabilities, his language function, his eyesight, sense of smell, sense of touch..." He stopped when he saw their expressions and sighed. "What I'm trying to say is that we can't determine easily how much damage he has in his brain until he's awake.  That's another reason why it was convenient to sedate him, because we have to be ready for what is coming, and you have to be ready too. Family preparation for the recovery and adaptation of a patient that has been in coma is essential.  I need you to be ready for the worst.  I know this is really hard and you don't want the worst, but you have to be ready for that. So if Mr... if Finn wakes up and he's not the same Finn you know, you can't lose patience with him. You can't push him to something that we can't know if he can do. You have to be patient and understanding, do you understand?"

None of them said anything.  They were assimilating everything that the doctor had told them. There were so many things that could go wrong with Finn and some of them were scarier than others. Still, they couldn't imagine any of them happening to Finn. And it was funny and ironic, they had been waiting, hoping and some had been praying for the moment where Finn woke up again. They always had known that there could be consequences, that there was a huge chance of irreversible damage in his brain, and still they hadn't really assumed it. Now Finn finally out of the coma, and the two weeks suddenly became in a heavy load that could make the difference between the possibility of having Finn completely 'brain healthy' or not. Kurt could feel how the tiny happiness and relief he had felt before started to disappear because of the fear of what was about to come. And it wasn't like he preferred to remain in anxiety and distress of Finn being in coma. He wanted to see the moment when Finn would wake up, but right now he just felt like this was scarier than before.

"How?" asked Burt with a rough voice. "What do you want us to do when he wakes up? I mean, are we going to see him now or you want us to wait until he wakes up again and you had finally done all the tests you need to do so we can see him?" 

"Well, the sedative that we gave him is pretty strong. The other thing is I don't think he can talk now even if his language function is fine. He was intubated for two weeks, and the throat is very sensitive. His throat and his vocal cords are very inflammed so I decided to give him a strong sedative so he can sleep until tomorrow. We're already giving him medication so he can use his voice when he wakes up, but he won't be able to talk a lot.  He needs more time for his throat to recover completely, but at least he'll be able to talk enough to give us a greater insight into how much damage could have suffered in his brain. In that case he has the proper function to talk, of course," he explained. "So it's not necessary to stay with him today, but I understand that you want to be with him.  You can go and see him but only one of you can stay during night. You know the hospital rules."

 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* 

"So we can't celebrate yet that he got out from the coma?" asked Mercedes sadly.  Kurt rubbed his eyes, feeling really tired, and the chair where he was sitting felt more uncomfortable than usual. 

"Well, he's not paralyzed and he can breathes by himself. Don't know if I want to celebrate, but that's something good, right?" he asked, supporting his head in his hand while he held the phone in the other hand. He could hear the sigh coming from Mercedes.

It was almost midnight and Kurt was sitting, once again next to Finn's bed. Carole and Burt had left hours ago and they were at his house with Elizabeth. They'd be at the hospital in the morning,  even when the doctor had told them that it was probably that Finn wouldn't wake up until afternoon or evening.  Kurt was not going to leave the hospital so he had had to asked Mercedes one more time to take care of his daughter and she had accepted. 

"I know you're scared, Kurt, but try to think positive, please. It's not good for you to be like this all the time," said Mercedes from the other side of the line.

"I just, I was so focus on him waking up from the coma that I never really thought about what was going to happen if he woke up. I mean, I knew that there were going to be consequences. There was a huge risk of brain damage that could affect him in a way or another. I actually never gave it much thought and now I don't even know what to expect. There can be so much that can goes wrong, I don't know what's going to happen. Mercedes, I don't know if I'm ready for the worst when I don't even know what that can be," he expressed looking at Finn, it was odd to see him still asleep but without the intubation, like when he had saw him first like this in the afternoon.  He had felt the urge to ask someone to put him the intubation again because he was really scared that he'd stop breathing anytime. Now that he could see him breathing by his own, he didn't know what else to expect. "I thought that being coma was the worst and now... I don't know anything."

“ I really don't know what to say, boy. I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be fine," Mercedes said,  and Kurt yearned that she could. It was worthless to promise something that she couldn't do and it was completely out of her hands. "But you know I'll be here for you no matter what, I know it doesn't help you now but..."

"It does, trust me. If you hadn't been with me these past two weeks, I don't know if I could have made it," Kurt guaranteed with a sigh.  "Oh, crap. I forgot. Your date..." he suddenly remembered that before his father had came to them and announced that Finn had woken up, he and Mercedes had been talking about her date.

"Don't worry about it, honey," she said and Kurt felt guilty.

"I'm sorry I ruined your night," he apologized. "Are you going to tell me who was it? I really want to know," he asked, one of his fingers playing with the blanket that was covering Finn.

"Do you really want to talk about this? Because you don't have to, Kurt, I understand that you have other things in your mind and that's okay."

"I know that my mind has been a mess lately, but I still care about your life.  If you're dating someone I want to know who's the lucky guy," he said and then added with a playful voice, "Besides, I have to approve him first, it's the rule." He assured her. His hands were now playing with the fingers on Finn's left hand. He had cut Finn's nails two days ago and even filed them.  They looked really nice now, but it really didn't mean that much for him. It was something that he kept doing, along with bathing and shaving him, because it made him feel better and connected with his husband.

Mercedes laughed and Kurt went back to the present, his eyes still looking at Finn's hand.

"Oh, I'm sorry but since when do I need your permission to date whoever I want?" she asked with her characteristic diva-tone and Kurt made a sound like if he was meditating the question.

"Umm, I don't know, let me think. Oh yeah! Since the last guy you dated turned out to be a complete ass... you know," he said and he could _see_ Mercedes blushing.

"I know, still can't believe that he acted like that way that day." She sounded embarrassed for the memory but Kurt smiled.  He was playing now with Finn's elbow, it was a ticklish spot for him and Kurt had the bad habit of playing there but Finn always asked him not to. This time nothing happened when he did it, although with the sedative was impossible for Finn to feel tickled.

"You know it wasn't your fault," he promised and then went back to his playful tone "Anyway, are you going to tell me who is the guy or I'm going to need to persuade you?" Mercedes groaned like a child and Kurt rolled his eyes.

"You know I'm joking with the approving thing, Mercedes, there's nothing wrong if you just tell me who he is. Why so much mystery? Is he in the FBI or something?"

"Kurt, do we even have FBI people working  in  this city?" asked Mercedes. 

"I don't know and I don't care. That's not the point, and stop avoiding the question," he claimed.

"Aghr, fine. It's Max, okay?" she confessed, groaning in annoyance and Kurt frowned. 

"Max? Max who?" he asked ,and then talked with surprised. "Finn's Max?"

"Yes, Finn's... why do you have to say it like if he belonged to Finn? That sounds weird."

"Well, is his friend and his partner at work so yeah. I, umm, didn't expect that...." he murmured rubbing his neck with his free hand.

"I'm sorry, I don't want you feel uncomfortable with this. I promise you we haven't done anything, we just talked a few times when he was at  your house and I'm was there taking care of Elizabeth. This was supposed to be our first date. It's not appropriate, though, so I'll tell him to not call me yet," she babbled. 

"Don't dare do that, Mercedes," he warned her very seriously. "I'm just surprised, that's all. I've never seen you interact with him except that day. It's hard to imagine you together. If you want to and if you like him, do it. He's a really nice guy," he said and it was true, after all he had been so kind over the last few weeks and helping him with lots of thing even when he didn't have to.

"Yeah... I do like him... a lot" Mercedes murmured shyly.  Kurt smiled sadly, his finger going back to Finn's hand and squeezed it. He sighed looking up at Finn who looked so peaceful. "But I don't feel comfortable talking about this while you're there waiting. We talk about this later, alright?" suggested Mercedes and Kurt's answer was cut by his yawn. "Kurt, you should sleep. What your dad told you today was true, you barely sleep and eat. Do you want to get sick?" 

"This is different, Mercedes. When my dad told me that Finn was still in the coma, or that's what we thought. Now he is not in a coma anymore and he'll wake up at any moment.  I have to be here when he does," he said, with his eyes looking at Finn,  begging him mentally  to wake up already.

"I thought that he was sedated and not waking up until tomorrow, am I wrong?" asked Mercedes although she knew that she wasn't wrong at all.

"Well yeah, but who knows if he wakes up earlier? I don't want him to do it and find me asleep in this stupid and uncomfortable chair. Besides, I don't think I could actually sleep even if I had the purpose to do it. I'm just tired, but can't sleep." Mercedes decided to drop off the subject, because Kurt was nervous and anxious. But she knew he was right and wouldn't be able to sleep like that.

"Fine, but at least try to find a better chair," she suggested. He smiled briefly but jumped when someone knocked at the door.  He murmured a quick gotta go before he hung up. When he turned, he found Eva smiling at him.

"You know that I could take that off, right?" she asked pointing a the sign at the door that said “No cell phone calls”. She was still smiling and Kurt breathed with relief.  Then she smiled even more and added with a whisper, "I heard the news." 

Kurt smiled back and turned to Finn taking his hand one more time. Eva walked to the other said of the bed and looked at Finn, she gasped with happiness. 

"It's really great to see you without the intubation, Finn," she said, it was the first time she talked to him, or at least the first time Kurt hear her talking to him. Even when it was kind of odd, he smiled because she really looked happy. "Now you just gotta take the last steps and recover. The world is waiting for you." 

"You think that's going to happen? That he's going to recover?" asked Kurt nervously and she looked at him, but it took her few seconds to answer.

"I think that he has come so far and he can do even more. Why  give up hope now when he hasn't given up so far?" she raised a eyebrow and Kurt didn't say anything. "He hasn't lost this battle, Kurt, and I do not see him giving up, you should focus on that and not on what you just can't know."

"Have you witnessed when someone wakes up from a coma?" asked Kurt studying her face. She shrugged and didn't answer, Kurt shook his head.  "So yes, it was that bad?" he asked again. 

"No" she answered, but it was impossible to not see the lying in her voice. Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Okay, yes, it was really bad. But first, it was only two patients and they were in comas longer than Finn. That also influences how they were when they woke up," she explained frantically and Kurt frowned.

"How were they?" he seemed scared and even more nervous, Eva snorted.

"I'm not telling you anything, okay? You're obviously trying to think in the worst but without giving yourself any chance to think in what can go well," she crossed her arms and then added, "Besides, I don't like to talk about my bad experiences on my work, I might be only a nurse but it hurts me every time one of my patients don't recover, so please don't ask me to talk about it, alright?" 

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I'm sorry" he apologized and she shrugged again with a small smile that he corresponded awkwardly. 

"Look, just try to don't think a lot about how bad can go everything, okay? It's better to wait and see than guess about what is completely out of your control. He's already came back out of the coma. Hang on the facts and not on the what ifs.”

"I guess you're right. There's nothing we can do but wait, " murmured Kurt.  He was supporting his head on the bed and rubbing Finn's arm with slow moves and breathing deeply, "Wait and see."

"Wait and see."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Burt had been walking through the room for more than a hour.  He had to stand up from the chair because of his anxiety and desperation. Meanwhile, Carole was sitting right next to Finn's bedside while Kurt was at the chair next to the door. A nurse had been checking Finn every half hour but he hadn't shown any change or sign of waking up yet. Kurt was so nervous and anxious that he wasn't talking anymore.  He felt a lump in his throat and kept looking at Finn with expectation, but he was also biting his fingernails.  He hated that habit but he was too nervous to stop.

"This is ridiculous!  Why they don't just give him something that wakes him up?" said Burt stopping his pacing and looking from Kurt to Carole.

“I don't think that's possible, Burt...or maybe that's not best for him," said Carole with a tired but patient voice. She didn't  look up from her son, the dark circles under her eyes showed that she hadn't slept the night before. Kurt didn't say anything to his father, he just sighed and looked at his ruined nails. 

"Nah, they just love having us like this, dying with desperation," argued Burt . His hands were on his hips.  If it wasn't that he was tired and not in a good mood, Kurt would have laughed at that because it was a perfect imitation of one of his postures he did when he was angry and bitching.  The only thing he did was rolled his eyes. "I bet they could wake him up in a second if they wanted."

Kurt stood up from the chair and walked out of the room without a word.  There was a coffee machine at the end of the hallway. He walked there not being able to stay in the room when his  father was like that. He knew that if he had stayed there listening to his dad losing control, they'd end up fighting. Right now, he couldn't handle a fight. But it was really annoying that his father was like that.  He had told him to not lose control so many times, and now he was acting like a caged lion. People were right when they said that everybody changes when they're under lot of stress.

He was about to choose the type of coffee he was going to drink when his phone vibrated, he pulled it from his pocket and saw a text from Mercedes. She told him that she had just got to the hospital and was in the waiting room from the neurological area.  She couldn't enter  Finn's room since it was more visitors than permitted. Kurt kept looking at the phone and decided to go to her even when he felt bad leaving Finn when he could wake up at any moment. He was also really overwhelmed by the anxiety and he needed fresh air so much.  He hadn't left the room since the day before.  The waiting combined with the tiredness, were ready to drive him crazy. The first thing Mercedes did when she saw him was hug him strongly, Kurt supported his head on her shoulder, smelling the perfume he loved and had helped her pick out,  and letting her hug him made him feel better. He sighed then let her go.

"Nothing yet?" she asked, taking him by his arm to a couch.  They both sat together. Kurt shook his head as an answer. "Are you okay?" she asked him.  He started to rub his head,  trying to prevent a headache that he felt coming.  Kurt didn't answer and just shrugged lazily. "Not feeling like talking?" He shrugged one more time and Mercedes put her arm around him. He put his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes. He wasn't going to sleep, but this felt really nice. Mercedes was one of the people  in the world that could bring him peace to his heart no matter what.  Now he was relaxing and it felt so good and he was even able to not worry about anything for a few minutes.

Kurt raised up from her shoulder and stretched his neck and his muscles feel deeply grateful for that.  He knew he really needed to sleep in a comfortable bed. Mercedes rubbed his neck and smiled him. "Better?" she asked and he nodded with a tired smile. 

"So, did you take Elizabeth to Anne's house or did she stay with her the house?" asked Kurt, finally able to talk. 

"I left her at her house with her mom. They said she could stay overnight if it was necessary," explained Mercedes. Kurt bit his lip "Look, I think you should go home tonight, you look horrible, honey. You need to relax and get a good night's sleep.  I know you won't leave right now but you can't spend another night here without sleeping well. You're gonna get sick"

"I- I don't know, okay? I mean, he didn't wake up so I don't even know how he's going to be when he does.  I can't promise you anything, sorry. I'll be fine, don't worry about me," said Kurt apathetically and Mercedes decided to not argue. It was worthless when, in fact, they still didn't know what was going to happen when Finn woke up.

"Fine," she answered and Kurt gave her a smile of thanks.

"Are you sure you wanna stay here? I tried to convince them to let you in but they barely let the three of us stay in the room.  You know they technically only allow two persons per room," said Kurt and Mercedes shrugged.

"I don't mind, if my white boy is waking up, I'll be here," she said using the nickname she had used for Finn since high school.  "I really want to be here even if I can't see him today, for him and for you."

"Thanks, Mercedes," Kurt hugged her one more time and stood up from the couch. "I'd better get back there before my dad decided to wake him up by his own. I swear, I thought I was the one that couldn't control myself but aparently he is," he said with a half smile. "Anyway, I'll call you when... you know. I'll tell you what happens, " he said and she nodded. 

When he got back to the room with two cups of coffee in his hands, Burt was sitting now in the chair next the door. He had his arms crossed and he was frowning, Carole looked a little pissed off. Kurt guessed that she had ended up scolding him. None of them said anything and he just walked silently to Carole and gave her one of the cups. She  took it without a word. Kurt supported  his body against the wall and drank his coffee in silence. He was finished drinking it  when Finn started to move his head slowly. Kurt and Carole, who were closest to the bed gasped in surprise and he almost drop the coffee. Then Finn moved his fingers and his lips but didn't open his eyes or say anything, Kurt put quickly the cup on the table that was near the bathroom and Burt stood up from his chair walking to the bed, the three of them were staring at Finn with expectation.

"Shou- should we go for the doctor?" whispered Burt not looking up from Finn who wasn't moving anymore. His breathing had changed rhythm like if he was getting out slowly from a deep dream. Kurt looked at his father. He didn't want to call the doctor because he was afraid that they would  ask them to leave the room to check Finn. He  just couldn't leave him, but he also knew that the doctor had asked them to find him in the moment that Finn started to wake up.

"Yeah, go, please," murmured Kurt. Burt left the room, and Kurt walked with trembled legs to the foot of the bed.  His hands grabbed the metal rails forcefully and he could hear his heart beating. Carole leaned over the bed, stroking Finn's cheek.

"Finn? Honey, it's me, mom," she whispered but Finn didn't make any movement. Kurt bit his lips and turned out to see his dad walking in followed by the nurse. She approached to the bed and looked at the machines that were connected to Finn's body.

"She already called the doctor and he's coming," said Burt putting his arm at Kurt's back, as he just nodded.

"Is he alright? He was moving and it seemed like he was trying to say something. I don't know, he moved his lips," said Carole to the nurse.  She was middle aged and Kurt hadn't seen her until today, but she looked nice.

"Everything is in order but I can't tell anything. The doctor will check him in a minute," explained the nurse taking notes on his chart.  "And I don't think he's trying to talk. He might be thirsty, patients always feel thirsty when they wake up. I'll get him some ice chips." She left the room and Kurt sighed.

"Finn, honey, wake up, it's mom," said Carole.  Finn moved a bit,  and she gasped and took his hand. "We're here, can you hear me?" she asked. “I'm with Burt and Kurt.” Finn moved his head like if he was trying to nod but it seemed he was still half asleep. Kurt murmured to himself ' _please, please, please'_ although wasn't sure what he was begging for. “Finn, you can hear me?" she asked again. After a few seconds he made the same movement. Burt giggled tightening the grip on Kurt's shoulder. "Oh God," murmured Carole looking at them. Her tears were falling over her face. Then she turned to her son again. The nurse came back with a small glass with ice chips in her hand.

 "He can hear me, I talk to him and he moves," explained Carole and the nurse looked at Finn. She left the glass on  the table and moved the foot of the bed so it start to move.  As he inclined, Finn moved his lips again and they were able to see the movement of his eyes behind the eyelids. "He's waking up, right?"

"It seems like he is," said the nurse smiling and took the glass. "Mr. Hudson?" she talked to Finn but he didn't move. "Can you hear me?" she asked, but nothing happened. "Don't worry, it's pretty normal. When they're waking up,  it takes them a moment to get out completely from their sleep," she explained and Carole nodded. "Mr. Hudson, I'll give you some ice, ok?" she said, but Finn didn't answer.

The nurse took one of the ice chips and put it slowly in Finn's mouth. He moved his lips as if he was trying to drink from a straw.  The ice started to melt with the warmth of his mouth and he drank the liquid awkwardly wetting his chin a little.  Kurt let go the grip from the metal bars and walked slowly, the nurse looked at him with a small smile.

"Can I?" asked Kurt nervously and she nodded giving him the glass with the ice.

"Sure, just be careful that he doesn't choke and don't give him too much," she explained.  Kurt took a piece of ice and put it in Finn's mouth. He moved his lips again and Kurt chuckled, amazed by the reaction "I'll be in the hall  in case you need me, alright?" said the nurse and left the room. 

"Talk to him," whispered Carole. Kurt looked up, as she encouraged him with a gesture of her head.  Kurt just kept giving him the ice chips and cleaning his chin with his other hand. Burt walked to them and stood behind Carole, his hands on her shoulders. "Come on, Kurt. He'll love to hear your voice," she said. Kurt doubted for a second and then cleared his throat. 

"Finn?" he whispered, but nothing happened. "Hey, it's me, Kurt. Can-can you hear me?" he asked but Finn just moved his lips. He gave him more ice and he drank the liquid. "Finn?" he talked firmly and Finn moved his head. Kurt smiled,"Can you open your eyes?" he asked but he didn't. "Please, try to open them, I know you can," he whispered and Finn moved his eyes not opening. Carole inclined the bed again, rubbing his cheek and she asked again.  Finn's eyes opened a bit, but closed inmediately. He moved his lips although he didn't drink the liquid. Kurt put the ice in the glass and gave it to his dad, then he took Finn's hand.

In that moment, the doctor came in followed by the nurse. He smiled at them and approached Finn from the other side of the bed. 

"He's waking up, uh?" he asked looking at his patient and grabbed a grabbed a small light from his pocket. He then turned it on to look at Finn's eyes. He closed his eyes with force and the doctor smiled. "I think someone is awake," he murmured and Carole made a joyful squeal. "Ok, Mr. Hudson? Can you open your eyes?" he asked and Finn made the same movement of his head "Well, he can hear me, that's pretty good. Alright, I know you want to stay and I'll let you if you stay there and let us to do the exam."

"Exam?" asked Burt nervous but walking with Carole and Kurt to the wall in front of the bed as the doctor as asked them.

"Don't worry, it's a cognitive exam.  He's waking up very well and I want to check all his functions so when he's finally up I'll go with the answers.  You can't intervene in the exam, I need him to show me what he can do or not, okay?" he said and the three of them nodded. The nurses grabbed the table next to the bed and put a small bag on it.

"Mr, Hudson, do you understand me?" asked the doctor with a very firm voice and Finn moved his face. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" he asked again very slowly and Finn repeated the move, this time inmediately "I'm Dr. Olse, you're at the hospital, do you understand?" it took him more seconds but Finn finally nodded "Good. Now I'm going to ask you to open your eyes, please" Finn moved his eyes but he didn't open, he moved his lips but didn't say anything "It's okay, I know you're tired and that's perfectly normal."

The doctor walked to Finn's legs and moved the blanket that were covering them. One of the nurses gave him a tiny reflex hammer and a metal pole, Kurt frowned, not recognizing the second tool.

"Mr. Hudson, can you hear me?" asked the doctor and Finn nodded, his head's moves were becoming stronger every second. He was  definitely starting to wake up."I want you to move your head or try to tell me, if you can feel this." He passed softly the pole over his left leg but Finn didn't do anything. Kurt crossed his arms trying to not get nervous, then the doctor repated the moved in the other leg but he didn't do anything.

"Come on, Finn, come on," Burt whispered very softly, next to Kurt. 

A nurse passed the doctor a small syringe and Kurt opened his eyes but didn't say anything. He  didn't want them to kick him out of the room, but were they going to inject him? The doctor poked a bit of  the needle in his left leg and Finn jumped with surprised opening his eyes a bit. Then he moved his head repeatedly. The doctor wasn't injecting him but it might have felt like that, and Finn hated injections.

"Very well, Mr. Hudson. You just needed something stronger, can you feel it here?" he asked and did the same in his other leg. This time, Finn moaned and shook his head "You couldn't feel it?" asked the doctor frowning.  Finn nodded and then shook his head opening his eyes a bit more but it was still so little that it was impossible to see his eyes. 

"He felt it and he wants you to stop," he said and the doctor looked at him, confused.  "He hates needles," Kurt explained with embarrassment, but the doctor just nodded.

"Alright, no more needles for now, I promise," he said to Finn, who opened his eyes a little more. "Here you go, you're doing it fine." Finn opened his eyes completely. Kurt held his breath and smiled, Finn's eyes, his beautiful eyes, those eyes that he loved so much were open again. There had been so many times in the past weeks when he had thought he wouldn't see those eyes opening again and looking at him. Now he was, still tiredly and not all awake, looking around.  Kurt wanted to kiss him, and tell him how much he loved him. The doctor walked to Finn.  "Hello," he said. "Can you see me?" he asked and Finn nodded focusing on his face. "Perfect." He smiled to Carole, she was crying silently while Burt was holding her hand and he was crying too.

"Ok, I know you have lots of questions, but I need you to finish, alright?" said the doctor and Finn nodded. He hadn't looked at them yet, he probably hadn't noticed they were there. "I want you to move your toes slowly," he said and looked at the foot.  Finn closed his eyes breathing deeply and then he moved them, he moved his toes. "Excellent! Now tried to move your fingers, but just your left hand.  Your right arm is injured and I don't want you to hurt yourself." Finn frowned and moved the fingers slowly making a face of pain, but he moved all his fingers.

Burt chuckled wiping his tears and putting his arm around Kurt who was crying too. He was smiling and not able to believe it, it was like a miracle seeing Finn moving and opening his eyes, and he didn't seem to have any problem understanding.

"Great, Mr. Hudson," said the doctor. Finn nodded,  not opening his eyes "I need you awake a few minutes, I know you're tired but just few more minutes, alright?" he asked and Finn nodded opening his eyes. "Now, your throat is inflamed because you had an intubation, and I know it hurts, but I want you to try and talk, can you tell me your name, please?"

Finn opened his lips but didn't say anything, he moaned and licked his lips looking around and coughed, one of the nurses took the glass with the ice that Burt had left next to the coffee. Finn drank fast from the liquid closing his eyes. His left arm moved, but  he could take the ice but dropped the hand clearly tired for the move. Kurt was amazed with all Finn was doing, it was like see him reborn and every move he did it was like a little miracle. The nurse stopped giving him ice at the gesture of the doctor. Finn didn't seem happy with that but the doctor smiled.

"You have to go slowly, now try again, okay? Can you tell me your name?" he said. Finn sighed and after a few attempts, he whispered with a very rough voice 

"F-Finn Hudson"


	5. Don't stop believin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG-13 this chapter
> 
> Beta: Ca-Babs
> 
> Notes: I know I haven't publishing constantly , and I know I had said that I will be posting very often, but I'm so busy, and I don't have so much time to write. However, this story is not going to be forgotten, I got a new beta (yay) and I plan to finish this fanfic in this year. Thank you for reading, and I hope you give me your thoughts, don't be afraid to comment, reviews are the energy to the writers ;)
> 
> Special notes: The idea of this fic came to me way before Cory's tragic death. I don't want to offend his memory by the general plot of this fic and I'm committed to write this because I love Kinn but also because I want to honor Cory's memory. This fic has a special dedication to him.

_Living just to find emotion_ _  
Hiding somewhere in the nights_

_Some will win, some will lose_ _  
Some are born to sing the blues_

 

__

The next time Finn woke up, Kurt was the only one with him in the room. After he had told the doctor his name, Finn only gave his date of birth and called for his mother (Carole had gasped in happiness at that), before he fell asleep again. But that was pretty normal, the doctor had assured them; Finn was going to sleep and be tired for the next few days and they shouldn't worry about it. After he gave them more information, he left them alone. The three of them had an emotional moment together hugging each other with happy tears because it felt like a real miracle. 

It was just that they couldn't believe it; they couldn't believe that Finn had woken up, but it was _true_. It really seemed like Finn was fine. All right, he hadn’t even talked very much and he had barely woken for more than a few minutes to be sure that he was _fine_ , but it had been enough to bring them the light that they felt was lost two weeks ago. They still had to figure out how he was physically and mentally; they didn't know anything about the state of his mind, how his brain was working inside. However for the first time, it seemed like everything was going to get better. The doctor had told them that it might be another three hours until Finn woke up again; that this time they would need to check his brain function more fully and keep him awake longer.  Kurt, Carole and Burt decided to stay at the hospital that day and wait for Finn to wake up.

Now, more than three hours later, Burt had taken Carole to the cafeteria to eat something. Initially, she had refused but in the end they both had left. They were there with Mercedes and Max (Mercedes had called him and told him the good news about Finn) while Kurt had decided to stay in the room. Finn wasn't sedated and he could wake up at any moment, so Kurt wasn’t going to take the risk of leaving him alone and waking up without anybody around. So when Finn started to move and show signs of opening his eyes, Kurt was with him sitting next to the bed. He was so nervous and excited that he stayed there just staring at Finn's movements and not knowing what to do, his own hands shaking in an almost funny way. The only advice that the doctor had given them was that they should call for him again when Finn woke up and meanwhile, they shouldn't push Finn with information about the accident and not try to make him say or do anything until the doctor was there.

However, Kurt had been waiting for this moment so long; he had dreamed and wished so much for Finn to awaken; that he just forgot to call the nurse, or the doctor, or even his dad and Carole. He leaned into Finn, his body trembling with nerves just as Finn’s eyes started to open slowly. He didn't say anything and just looked at him; Finn’s eyes were adjusting to the light of the room, and he was probably trying to identify everything that was around him. When he finally looked at Kurt, Kurt chuckled, and his tears started falling. He smiled at Finn and moved his hand but he didn't touch him. He was so scared that this might be only a beautiful dream, and if he touched him, he'd wake up and find out that Finn was still a coma.

He stared at him with a broken smile and Finn looked at him, with confusion on his face.

"Finn?" asked Kurt with a whisper, approaching the bed. He smiled at him. "Hey, you," he whispered delicately, putting one of his hands on Finn’s chest. Finn didn't seem like he recognized him, but Kurt didn't stop smiling at him. One of his tears fell on Finn's cheek, and Kurt cleaned it with his finger. "I'm here, I'm right here. You're gonna be okay".

"K-Kurt?" asked Finn after a few seconds of confusion; his voice was barely heard, and he looked tired. However, Finn had recognized him, and Kurt felt warmth in his chest. Hearing him saying his name after everything, it was so wonderful, his voice; an amazing sound.

"Yeah, it's me," Kurt answered taking his left hand and squeezing it softly. "I'm right here"

Finn closed his eyes a bit grimacing in pain; he moved his head a little but closed his eyes tightly. Clearly there was something that was hurting him. Maybe it was better to go and find a nurse, or someone that could call the doctor. What if it was something serious? However, when Kurt tried to move, Finn squeezed his hand weakly and opened his eyes looking scared, so Kurt approached again.

"Hey, easy-easy. I'm here," he said.

Finn looked around without moving his head too much; he seemed lost and confused. "Where am I?" he asked. His voice was a little stronger but still really hoarse.

Kurt hesitated; he didn't know if it was appropriate to answer him, even when the doctor had already told Finn a few hours ago that he was at the hospital and that he had had an accident. This was probably what the doctor had been talking about when he had said that they shouldn't push Finn with information, but clearly Finn was confused. There wasn’t anything wrong with helping him with that, right?

"You're at the hospital. You had an accident," he explained, stroking Finn’s left hand. Finn listened, but it seemed that he was trying to process the information. "You're gonna be fine, okay?"

Finn frowned and looked around; realization suddenly came to his eyes.

"Ac-ccident? Where?" He looked around like he was trying to find something or someone, but the constant movement of his head and part of his body were too much. He stopped and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing harder.

"Don't move, please. Your arm is injured; you're going to hurt yourself if you move it." Kurt put his hand on Finn’s chest and rubbed lightly, trying to calm him. A few seconds later, Finn's breath relaxed and he opened his eyes without moving too much.

"What happened?" he asked with a whisper.

Finn was scared, and Kurt didn't want to talk about the accident, but he knew that Finn needed an answer, or he'd be more afraid, and that wasn't good if Kurt didn't want him to move. Kurt thought he should have called someone the moment Finn had started to wake up.

"You had an accident at the workshop, and you hurt your head and your arm. I- I don't know what exactly happened, though." He lied because he still felt terrified every time he thought about the accident. He just couldn't say it to Finn, because it was too much to handle. The accident, the coma and the seriousness of all his injuries; they were very hard to deal with. He would need to know about it in the future, but right now it was better not to get into too many details. The less he said, the better.

Finn frowned and bit his lip; it seemed that he didn’t completely understand what Kurt was saying.

"Workshop…?" he asked licking his lips a bit and frowning even more.

Kurt nodded.

"Burt," he said suddenly louder, although his voice was still hoarse.

Kurt frowned then.

"Oh, go-is he okay? Is your dad okay?"

"Y-yes, Finn. He's all right... did you hear what I said? About the accident, at your work?" Kurt was afraid. Why was Finn asking about his dad? Had he heard something different? Maybe he had trouble hearing. Finn nodded gently; he was still in pain. "I'll go to find the nurse and..."

"Mr. Hudson?" Fortunately, the nurse walked in right at that moment. She approached the bed smiling at Finn who just looked more confused. "I'm glad you're awake again"

"He's in pain," said Kurt, looking at her nervously. "A-and I think he's confused. But the pain, I think he has a headache, but when he moved I think he hurt his arm too. Is that bad? I mean, does it mean something bad?" He was babbling, not even noticing that he was squeezing the sheets beside Finn's body.

The nurse looked from Kurt to Finn with a kind smile. "Headaches are very common in cases like this," she said, being careful not to mention what kind of case she was talking about. "But I'll go to find the doctor. Don't worry Mr. Hudson, I'll go for your doctor and he'll give you something for your pain, okay?" She looked at Finn, who nodded a bit with his eyes half closed. The woman walked away without saying anything else.

Kurt breathed deeply and tried to calm down. He put his hand on Finn's left arm, and stroked it, and hoped that the pain wasn't really bad.

"D-did I crash?" asked Finn, after a few seconds of silence. His eyes were still half closed, but he didn't seem about to sleep again, although, with the pain it was clear he was having, Kurt wished that he would go back to sleep until the doctor gave him something. "Did I hit him?" he asked louder.

Kurt started to feel real scared not knowing what Finn was talking about. What was happening?

"What? No, Finn, you didn't crash. I just told you; you had an accident at your work, in the workshop. But you're going to be fine, ok?" he repeated, making sure that his words were clear and loud enough for Finn understand them perfectly fine. Maybe it was because of the headache that he was so confused. When Finn had headaches, he got confused very easily, and he didn’t listen well. Yes, it was that; it was the headache that had Finn so confused and lost. It had to be that.

"Wh-where's Mom?" he asked, opening his eyes, but without moving his head.

"She's in the cafeteria, with my dad. I'll call them when the doctor is here, all right?" he said, but Finn didn't answer. Minutes went by, and Finn seemed calmer, not sleepy, but it looked like the pain was leaving. Kurt felt thankful for that, but he wondered why it was taking so long to for the doctor to show up, or at least a nurse that could give Finn a painkiller. Unfortunately, his dad had taken his cellphone, and Kurt didn't want to leave Finn. So he was going to wait until he could ask someone to go and find Carole and Burt and tell them that Finn was awake. Meanwhile, Kurt stayed next to Finn not saying anything and wishing that when the pain passed, he wouldn't act so weirdly anymore.

"I had an accident at the workshop," Finn said minutes later. His eyes were open, and Kurt could tell by the tone of his voice, that Finn was reacting, and he didn't seem lost. Kurt sighed with relief and nodded at Finn.

"Yes, you did," he said.

Finn looked around, at the machines and the hospital room.

"Is everybody okay?" he asked with a whisper. His eyes were stuck on the machine that showed his heart rhythm. Kurt followed his eyes and then went back to look at him.

"Yes, everyone is fine. It was only you in the accident," he said. Finn turned to him with worried eyes. "But you're going to be okay very soon, I promise you," he assured him with a half smile that Finn at least tried to respond even if he failed.

"My mom is...?" he asked, trying to remember.

"At the cafeteria"

"Right, cafeteria... she's with your dad, right?" he said and Kurt nodded, smiling again.

"Yes, she's with my dad.” Kurt saw him trying hard; maybe he was trying to remember every detail since he had woken up, but it seemed to be very difficult, and he didn't know if that would increase the pain, so he tried to change the subject. “Hey, is the pain gone? Do you feel better?" he asked putting his hand on Finn’s chest. Finn looked at it frowning.

"A bit better... Umm, is Rachel with them too?" he asked; still looking at Kurt’s hand on his chest.

Kurt froze. "Wh-who?"

Finn raised his eyes, and cleared his throat looking at Kurt.

"Rachel; is she with my mom and Burt in the cafeteria?" he asked again. His voice seemed to have recovered his normal tone the more he talked.

"Rachel? _Rachel Berry_?" On the contrary, Kurt's voice was trembling, and he could feel his heart beating faster in his chest. Finn nodded; the confused expression coming back to his face, as though he was confused about Kurt's attitude. "Wh-why would she be here at the hospital?" This was ridiculous; why was he asking for Rachel? An alarm went off in Kurt’s heart, but he ignored it.

Finn snorted, but the movement pained him, so he closed his eyes for several seconds. Then he opened them again and looked at Kurt frowning.

"Dude, because she's my girlfriend?" he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Why wouldn't she be here?" The exasperation was evident in his voice.

"I'm sorry for the wait; I was with another patient," said the doctor, who came in followed by the previous nurse. He walked over next to Finn and smiled at him. "How you doing, Mr. Hudson? We talked earlier, do you remember me?" he asked.

Finn turned to him; the doctor waiting patiently until Finn nodded. "You stung my leg," he murmured, not completely sure, and the doctor laughed.

"Yes, that's right. I stung your leg. I can see your voice is getting better, I promise you that you'll talk just fine very soon. How long has he been awake, Mr. Hummel?" The doctor turned to Kurt now, who was still looking at Finn; his eyes were wide, and he was pale. "Mr. Hummel?"

Finn looked at Kurt half confused, but Kurt didn't answer. In fact, it seemed like he hadn't heard anything the doctor and Finn had been saying.

"Kurt?" Finn spoke and finally got Kurt out from his state of shock. He looked at Finn and then at the doctor with big eyes. The doctor frowned.

"Y-yes?"

"Umm, I was asking you how long he has been awake," repeated the doctor. However, it was obvious he knew that something was happening, and yet didn’t say anything about it.

"I- he. Umm like twenty minutes or so," Kurt said distractedly. He looked at Finn as if he was trying to find something in him. Finn just frowned nervously and watched him in silence.

"Alright. The nurse told me you have a headache," the doctor said, turning back to Finn "Does it hurt too much?"

"It's hurting less now," said Finn. However, his eyes were still on Kurt, who wasn't looking at him anymore; instead he was staring at the sheets of the bed.

"Now I need you to tell me how you feel. Besides the pain in your head, what else do you feel? Everything is important; even the smallest detail can be very important. Tell me everything you feel… different or weird," explained the doctor. Finn looked at the ceiling and puckered his lips. Kurt watched him nervously.

"I don't know. I just... I'm tired, and... confused," murmured Finn a bit guilty, as if he was giving the wrong answer.

"You don't have to feel pressured. If something feels different, or if you start having problems talking or moving, tell me. Okay?"

"Umm, well, there's something but it's not about me."

"What do you mean?" asked the doctor, with a raised eyebrow. 

Finn looked at Kurt again, but he hesitated. Kurt breathed hard, and his eyes trembled as Finn answered.

"I just, well, he looks different," Finn said, referring to Kurt.

Kurt bowed his head, and put his hand to his mouth

"Sorry Kurt, you don't look bad or anything. You just look... older" murmured Finn. His fingers played with the blanket that was covering his body.

"Older?" repeated the doctor suddenly serious. The nurse that had been writing on Finn’s chart was now was looking at Finn with the same expression as the doctor. "Alright, I'll talk with your... with Mr. Hummel and we'll be right back, okay? The nurse will give you something for the pain. Don't worry, everything's going to be fine," explained the doctor, and he walked out of the room.

Finn looked at him confused and scared. But when he turned to meet Kurt's eyes; Finn watched him stand up from the chair, and leave the room too without looking back or saying anything.

The doctor walked to the nurse’s area that was in front of the elevators and stopped there. Kurt stood next to him, and crossed his arms; his face was tense and his eyes showed his emotions.

"I look as old as I did three months ago or even before," he said in a high voice. He felt something in his chest, heavy like a rock, and his head was swimming with thoughts. "You know that the problem is not with me, doctor."

The doctor sighed. "Sometimes coma patients have memory problems when they wake up. In most cases they recover their memory quickly; sometimes it takes them hours or days. Just because he doesn't remember the last month or so right now, it doesn't mean he won't remember them ever again," the doctor explained calmly.

" _Years_ ," Kurt corrected with a firm expression. He was starting to get angry although he didn't know exactly why. The other man frowned, confused.

"Excuse me?" the doctor asked, and Kurt took a couple of deep breaths before answering.

"It's not months that he doesn't remember; it’s years," said Kurt roughly. The doctor raised an eyebrow, expressing clearly that he didn't believe him, so Kurt explained.

"When he woke up he asked me about what had happened; he didn't even remember that he was in the hospital. So I told him that he had had an accident. I know you told us not to press him with information, but I just said that there had been an accident at the workshop, his work. And Finn... " Kurt looked down remembering, and feeling stupid because it all made sense now.

"I'm sure he thought that I was referring to the work he used to do with my dad at his shop when we were in high school," he said. And then added before the doctor could object, "He asked me how my father was when I told him about the accident."

"Alright. But sir, that doesn't mean that he doesn’t remember the present or even things that happened between now and then." He tried to reassure him but Kurt shook his head with a broken smile "What is it?"

Kurt's anger started to disappear; sadness and pain invaded his being. "He asked for someone else, someone that he hadn't seen in years," Kurt said despairingly. He wanted to moan, to snap something, to go and punch Finn even, because this couldn't be happening. It was ridiculous; it was madness. "Someone that I'm sure he doesn't think of very often."

The doctor surmised the meaning of that 'someone' by just looking at the grief Kurt radiated and he didn't press the subject further.

"Look, I understand, okay?” the doctor began. “But you can't just think the worst anymore. You saw him; he's so much better that I had expected. The damage in his brain was massive. He could have died, or he could have stayed in a coma forever. He could have woken up not being able to talk or think even. This" he pointed at the hallway where Finn's room was, "this is a miracle; a medical miracle. I know this is not very professional of me to say, but the truth is, when he was still in the coma I thought that if he ever did wake up, it was going to be worse. And I promise you that this is the best of the cases I’ve seen in patients that have been in a coma." Kurt raised one of his hands to his mouth; his eyes were trembling as the doctor explained everything with a tone that Kurt never thought he had seen in him; so human and comforting. "Now what we need to do is figure out how much he does remember and then we'll wait."

"Wait?" repeated Kurt, not understanding what the doctor meant.

"Right now, the first thing we need to check is his short-term memory. He has been awake for a small period of time, and it's worthless to determinate how his long-term memory is if his short-term memory isn’t working either, okay?"

"I, yes, but how? Do you think that his short term recall is not working or what?"

"I don't know. We needed to work with him, give him a test, then repeat it to see how much he remembers and how much he doesn't," the doctor explained; his voice having returned completely professional again.

"And how many times are you going to do it? I mean, how long it will take to know if he's okay or not?" asked Kurt. He was calmer now, but still nervous and scared. The doors of the elevator opened and Carole and Burt got out. When they saw the doctor and Kurt, their expressions changed immediately to concern.

"Kurt? What happened?" asked Carole walking quickly to him, Burt behind her. "Is Finn all right?" she looked at the doctor with wide eyes.

Kurt had to explain to them what had happened when Finn had woken up, and both of them had been excited until he told them about Finn asking for Rachel. Then the doctor had told them what he had already said to Kurt about Finn’s memory and what they were going to do next. Carole and Burt weren't as upset as Kurt, but they were still very concerned.

"What you need to do now is focus on what is going on and not jump to conclusions when we have not given you a diagnosis yet. We will move step by step, alright?"

"Alright. Step by step," agreed Carole. And then asked shyly, "Can I see him?"

The doctor thought about it for a few seconds before he sighed and nodded. "Yes, you may, but please do not talk about the coma or even mention his memory loss. Not yet. However, he will notice it. I mean, he noticed that Kurt looked older. He's going to suspect that something has happened."

Burt and Carole nodded in agreement. Kurt just looked at the floor; he had been quiet since the doctor had explained what had happened when Finn had woken up.

Kurt stayed out of the room for a moment. He was scared; afraid of what was going to happen if this was permanent. He couldn't even deal with the idea of what was going to happen, but the fear was big. He did his best to ignore it, but the doctor was right. It was worthless to worry about it when they didn't even know if he would remember anything from today, tomorrow. He sighed and entered the room.

Carole and Burt were next to the bed, they both were smiling and Finn was just looking at them. The doctor was the first to talk.

"How you doing, Mr. Hudson? Is the pain already gone?" asked the man. Finn nodded, his eyes on his mother. Carole smiled at him with tears in her eyes, but there was also fear, the same fear all of them had. "You know who they are?"

"Yes, of course," Finn said. Then he looked at Carole's face and then her hair; her gray hair, and it finally started to click in his mind. There was sadness in his face. "I wasn't asleep, wasn’t I? The pain in my head, and their looks, I was..." He didn't complete the phrase. Kurt, who was standing next to the door, bowed his head licking his lips. The ache in his chest increased.

"Yes, you were in a coma," said the doctor compassionately. Finn breathed and looked at his body, at his right arm, at the room, and finally at the doctor. His eyes were full of disbelief, rejection, and then pain; so much pain.

"For how long?" The question came out as if it was the hardest question; like he was terrified of the answer, Kurt couldn't imagine what Finn was feeling right now. Waking up and finding out he had had an accident? And that he had been in a coma? No, it wasn't easy, not at all.

"Only two weeks," the doctor answered.

Finn frowned, obviously not believing it, because it didn't make sense, of course it didn't make sense, just like Kurt thought. Finn was looking at the three of them, and all they looked older; different. People don't change that much in two weeks. If the doctor had planned on hiding the information; it wasn't going to work for very long.

"But, how...?" Finn looked at them, especially at his mother. It seemed to break his heart seeing his mother so different. "No, for how long, how _much_ time?" he repeated the question firmly but this time looking at Kurt. Finn was giving him that look that said 'tell me, don't lie to me', and Kurt bowed his head again not being able to stand that look; he just couldn't.

"Finn, you were in a coma only for two weeks, I promise," assured the doctor; using his name as a sign that he wasn't lying. Finn just shook his head. This time he looked for the answer in his mom's eyes. Carole nodded with sadness and pain. "Finn, I need you to tell me what's the last thing you remember."

"What?" asked Finn angrily. "It couldn't be just two weeks, not when they look so... two weeks is not that long," he murmured to himself.

"That's why I need you to tell me what's the last thing that you remember," the doctor said softly.

Finn frowned again and this time it took him longer but he finally turned to the doctor with wide eyes, his face pale. He turned around and looked at the three of them. Then he looked one more time at his own body, but this time he was watching it like he was seeing someone's else body, not his own.

"What year is it?" he asked with a trembling voice.

"Finn, just try to remember and tell me what's the last..."

"What year is it?" he asked yelling. His voice sounded hoarser like that. "Tell me!"

"Mr. Hudson, calm down, you can't..."

"What year is it!" Finn demanded, and Kurt walked to the foot of the bed looking with anger at the doctor, before turning to Finn.

"Two thousand and twenty-two!" His voice was firm and honest. Finn blinked with his mouth half opened; the doctor looked at Kurt annoyed. "Sorry, but he needed the truth; he was going go nuts if you didn't tell him when it's obvious that something is not right."

The doctor just stared at Kurt, who didn't falter at the hard look. Finally, the man sighed and turned back to Finn, who was breathing deeply and blinking his eyes. It was evident he was trying to process the information, but not being able to handle it.

"But I don't... no, how can I. Why can't I...? Oh my God!" Carole walked to him and sat in the chair next to the bed. She took Finn's hand and he squeezed, looking at her overwhelmed. "Why?"

"Shh, shh. It's okay; it's okay," she said with a broken smile. Finn shook his head again.

"Mr. Hudson, please," the doctor said, trying to sound compassionate again. But Finn didn't look at him; he focused on his mother. "It's very important for you to tell me, what's the last thing that you remember?"

"Finn, please, just think. It's going to be fine," Carole said affectionately.

"I... I don't know. I'm not sure," he said, still affected by the news.

"Try to think, Finn. What is it? What's the first thing that comes to your mind? The last memory you have?" Burt encouraged him smiling and trying to sound completely relaxed. Finn sighed; he was tired and closed his eyes trying to remember. Kurt watched him with anticipation, and seconds later Finn opened his eyes looking at the ceiling, not very sure.

"I don't know. I think I was singing, maybe?" he said and closed his eyes again trying to remember more. "No, wait, I wasn't singing, someone else was singing. Someone from Glee club was singing, but I was... _swimming_?"

"Swimming?" asked Carole confused. "Honey, you never sang and swam in Glee club."

"Yes we did," said Kurt disbelievingly. He was sure of the moment; maybe he didn’t remember all the numbers they had done in Glee club, but he still remembered perfectly well that number in his senior year. The whole club had helped Mr. Schue propose to Miss Pillsbury by performing with synchronized swimming. It had been so long since then. And sadly, this only proved what he already knew. Finn didn't remember years of his life. "We did a performance with synchronized swimming with Mr. Schue."

"Yeah!" said Finn. He was glad that at least what he could remember wasn't part of his imagination but then he looked down with sadness. “That's not good, right?” he asked, heartbroken. “So basically I lost my memory... what happened in the accident?” His whole face was sorrowful, and he seemed terrified. And honestly, who wouldn't be after waking up and figuring out that ten years of life had gone by, and you don't remember _anything_ about it _._

Still, the doctor tried his best to explain to Finn the same things he had explained to the others earlier. They were going to focus on one thing at the moment. Finn still wasn't very convinced about the tests, and he didn't see the logic in that, but he agreed in silence, looking constantly to his mom for comfort.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*   

"Okay, what was the animal from the card?" Kurt asked. He put down the magazine he had been pretending to read. Finn rolled his eyes and sighed with frustration.

"Dude, I told you an hour ago! Two hours ago I told my mom, the doctor, Burt, and everybody," he complained. Finn shifted, trying to find the most comfortable position on the bed, but with his right arm like that he just couldn't. He was used to leaning on the right side of his body.

Kurt didn't answer, and just stared at him with a raised eyebrow. Finn growled, and looked at the wall in front of him, frowning angrily.

"A horse, and the object is a blue truck and the place is a forest," he said peeved and tired. "Look, my short memory is just fine. Could you stop with the questions, please?"

"Short-term memory," corrected Kurt and Finn snorted. "I'm sorry, Finn but the doctor said you needed to be tested every hour, this is for your own good, at least try to do your part without complaining." He was tired too; it was close to nine p.m., and his eyes were barely staying open. He hadn't slept at all in more than twenty-four hours.

Finn's bad attitude was starting to annoy him. The fact that the doctor had prohibited them from giving Finn any essential information, coupled with Finn not being interested in knowing anything about the future didn't help to improve Kurt’s mood either. Who on earth wouldn't be interested in their future if they didn’t have a clue about what had happened in the last ten years? It was ridiculous! The only questions that Finn kept asking were about the past. _Did we win regionals? Did I pass my Spanish test? Was I finally able to dance without hurting Rachel?_ The only question he had asked about the future was if everybody was still alive. Kinda creepy… but understandable.

"I... sorry," Finn apologized genuinely embarrassed. Kurt sighed and shook his head making him understand that it was okay.

They didn't say anything else after that. Kurt went back to pretending to read his magazine and Finn just stared at the ceiling; both of them immersed in their own thoughts. Carole and Burt had gone to Finn and Kurt's house to shower and change their clothes. After a couple of minutes of discussion, they had decided that Carole would stay at night with Finn. Kurt wasn't happy about it since he was the one that had always stayed with Finn during the night. However, Burt had told him that Finn would find it weird if he stayed with him instead of his mother. He also made a point of saying that Kurt needed to sleep in a bed for once since the accident had happened. So now Kurt was there with Finn waiting for Carole and Burt to come. Then he would leave with his father to go back to his house and come back the next morning.

At least he was going to see Elizabeth; he really missed her. The past two weeks he had barely had any time to see his daughter. So now he was going to tell her that her daddy was awake again, and she’d see him very soon. Though there was a huge possibility that her own father wouldn't recognize her. The idea of that happening to Elizabeth broke his heart, so Kurt tried to think of something else. 

"I did propose her, right? I asked her to marry me, didn’t I?" Finn broke the silence with a shy voice. He was playing with the blanket, and not raising his eyes from there.

Kurt gulped, and looked at him tensely. Rachel again. "Finn, no. I'm not... stop it"

Finn turned to him, begging him with his eyes, _those eyes,_ and that hurt Kurt even more. What did Finn expect him to do? Start talking about _Rachel_? About their stupid idea of getting married when they were still in high school? About what had happened then? No, he was not going through that.

"Kurt, please. I just want to know what happened. I asked her to marry me, that's the last thing I remember, and I really need to know."

"I thought the last thing you remembered was the performance at the pool," objected Kurt with a raised eyebrow and a rough voice.

"I did, but then that memory came and I didn't want to say anything in front of my mom and your dad, I don't even know what happened next and if they know it’d probably be embarrassing."

Kurt blinked slowly and went back to his 'reading'; he felt offended and hurt. It wasn't Finn's fault that he didn't remember, but the fact that he was bringing up Rachel again hurt him, and he just couldn't help it. The whole wedding incident was something that he had never accepted during high school. It had made him suffer more than he would admit to himself or anyone at the moment. And for some reason, now being married to Finn didn't give him the same comfort that it always had given him before when he, randomly, remembered that time of their life.

"Well, you should wait and maybe more memories will come back to you and you won't need me to tell you anything," he said to Finn coldly not raising his eyes from the magazine.

"Oh, dude, come on! Just tell me, and I won't ask you anything else, I promise," Finn insisted.

Kurt breathed faster trying not to lose control, he was angrier. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because she's my girlfriend"

"She's _not_ your girlfriend anymore; she's not your wife either!" Kurt said almost yelling and dropping the magazine. His face was turning red. "Do you see her around here? Do you hear someone of us talking about her, mentioning her to you? No! That doesn't give you the enough information? You're not together anymore, Finn!"

Finn’s eyes were wide. "Fine! I get it, okay? She's not here, and we're not together anymore. I get it. Just don't yell at me."

Kurt didn't answer. He was still angry, and he knew that he had been cruel, but he just couldn't believe that, after all the hell he had been through, Rachel was coming back to his life. She was still getting between them, and he hated that he couldn't even tell the truth. He couldn’t tell Finn why he felt like that about the subject of Rachel. Maybe it was a good thing that he was going back home for tonight. He needed a break, and he needed to relax so he wouldn't lose control like he was doing right now. As the silence wrapped around them, and the minutes passed, Kurt felt the need to reassure Finn again. He still felt sad, and angry although, not with Finn anymore. He was angry at everything, and he was sad because he didn't know what was going to happen to them. It hurt him to have his husband in front of him, alive and talking, and not be able to tell him how much he loved him, or kiss him. He really hoped that tomorrow everything would start to get better, and Finn’s memory would recover. Kurt needed him back completely; he needed his husband.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have yelled," Kurt said suddenly, looking ashamed. "I'm just... I'm tired" he lied because there was nothing else he could say without revealing the truth. Finn looked at him with those big eyes. He knew Finn could tell he was lying, but he didn't say anything, and Finn didn't object.

Kurt's phone sounded, and he opened it. "It's my dad," he said, reading the text. "I have to go so Carole can come. I... I'm really sorry" he apologized again, and Finn shrugged. Well, kind of.

"Don't worry, bro. No hard feelings."

 _Bro_. His chest felt so heavy, and it hurt, it hurt a lot. Kurt wanted to cry, but he didn't do it. He just smiled at him; he knew that it looked fake and Finn would notice, but there wasn't too much he could do or say.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" he said and Finn nodded. Kurt stayed there for a second; he wanted to lean down and give him a goodbye kiss as he had done every time he had to leave the room, but he couldn't. Even a kiss on the cheek would look weird. So he just patted his knee and stood up getting out of the room quickly, trying to keep his head up. He was trying to demonstrate that he was okay, and not show how much he was suffering inside.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Eat more, Kurt. You're so skinny that I'm afraid you'll disappear at any moment"

"I'm full, Mercedes. I ate enough," complained Kurt. He gave his food to Elizabeth, who was quiet and sleepy, just like her father.

"You barely touched the meat."

"You know I don't eat that much meat. It's not very healthy and I don't think it's the best thing to eat just before going bed," explained Kurt. He gave more carrot puree to the girl, but she swung her head, her eyes half closed. "All right, no more food for you. Come here." He cleaned her face and unbuckled the seat belt so he could hold her in his arms. Elizabeth buried her head immediately in his shoulder with her eyes already shut. Kurt rubbed her back, smiling. He loved the weight of his daughter when he was holding her; it gave him the tranquility he needed so much right now. "Oh, don't bother, I'll do that," said Kurt softly when Mercedes started to grab for the dishes from the table. The woman just smiled and kept on doing it.

"You go and put that little girl to bed, and then go to sleep yourself. You're exhausted, Kurt," said Mercedes, pointing at him with a finger, and now cleaning the table. Kurt didn't argue; she was right. He still felt bad from what had happened with Finn earlier at the hospital. He had already talked to Mercedes, and now he just felt like sleeping, and nothing more. His dad had decided to stay at the hospital in the waiting room so he could be there in case something came up. "You want me to stay?" asked Mercedes, when she had finished. Kurt had waited until he was sure that Elizabeth wouldn’t wake up when he'd laid her down in her crib.

"You have to go to work tomorrow."

"I don't care; I can wake up early and just go home, change, and then go to work. I'm asking you if you want me to stay tonight with you," she said firmly and Kurt nodded softly. He felt embarrassed, but he didn't want to spend the night alone. He felt so sad, and Elizabeth was there, but it wasn't the same. Mercedes was what he needed now, his best friend. "Okay, let's go to bed then."

When they were in bed Mercedes just held him not saying anything, she didn't need to, and Kurt just let out the silent tears. He wasn't sobbing, there weren't too many tears, but each one represented the hurt he was feeling, Mercedes hummed softly until the exhaustion won, and Kurt finally fell asleep.

The next morning Kurt was still tired, but at least his mind was completely awake. Mercedes was taking a shower so she wouldn’t have to go to her apartment, change and then go to work. Kurt had already bathed; now he was trying to convince Elizabeth to look at the camera of his phone but she was playing with her shoes. Kurt had given her bath and put her in a dress, that he had bought a month ago for a special occasion. It was a beautiful purple dress and the little girl looked adorable in it.

"Elizabeth, turn to the camera," Kurt coaxed, taking a picture when she did it. However, he deleted it because it had come out blurry. "One more time, turn to me, Elizabeth." The girl was bubbling and then she took off one of her shoes and put it in her mouth "No, don't eat that, honey." Kurt approached her and tried to take the shoe, but she just laughed and bit it. The shoe was now all wet from her saliva. "Oh, Elizabeth, that's new. You don't eat your shoes, you don't eat your clothes," he said to her, and she yelled with excitement. Kurt took advantage of that and snapped another photo. He looked at it not sure if it worked because Elizabeth had her mouth wide open, but at least it wasn't blurry.

"Kurt? What are you doing?" Mercedes demanded, walking to them. Her hair was wet, and she smelled like his shampoo and soap.

"I'm trying to take her picture but she decided that her shoes are edible," murmured Kurt trying to fix Elizabeth's dress, but the girl started to play with his hand. She was really happy that morning, and Kurt smiled at her playing with his hand.

"But why? Why do you want a picture of... what is this?" asked Mercedes looking inside the bag that was next to her cellphone on the night table. There were several personal objects. She frowned and looked up at her friend. "Kurt, what are all these things? Why did you put them in the bag?" she asked although she already knew the answer, Kurt pretended not to hear her while he was trying to put the shoe on his daughter. "Kurt."

"I need them," murmured Kurt still not looking at her, Mercedes raised an eyebrow.

"You _need_ them?" She grabbed an object from the bag; it was a picture of Kurt and Finn's wedding, they were just looking at each other and smiling in the picture. It was Kurt's favorite picture of their wedding. Their eyes were so full of love; someone had taken it without telling them. Mercedes sighed and then took out a cd; it was their wedding video. Then she took out a small book pictures; there were photos from Elizabeth when she was still a little baby, there were pictures from Christmas of last year, Burt and Carole were in the pictures. There was also one of herself with Kurt and Elizabeth and another with Finn, both laughing. "Kurt, what are you doing? The doctor told you that you can't tell him about how is his life now, you need to give him time and see if he recovers his memory naturally"

"He won't," Kurt said. He finished putting the shoe on his daughter. "I'm just going to show him the picture that I just took of Elizabeth and see what happens, all right? I'm taking all that, in case it is necessary."

"Necessary? Kurt, you can't disobey the doctor's orders. If he said that you shouldn't tell him anything it is for a reason. You don't know how he's going to react if you just come up and tell him that you're married, and you have a daughter. It might be bad for his recovery"

"Of course it won't be bad for his recovery. I'm trying to help him recover his memory, okay?" Kurt walked to the other side of the room looking for something in the closet. Mercedes groaned with exasperation.

"No, Kurt, you’re not going that. You can't go and tell him that, you know this is not a good idea. You don't even know how he is this morning. You don't know if he has remembered more stuff…."

Kurt turned to her with dark eyes.

"In fact, I do know. My dad sent me a text a couple of minutes ago, and he told me that there is no change. He doesn't remember anything after that stupid performance. Of course my dad and Carole don't know that the last memory he _actually_ has is the moment when he asked Rachel Berry to marry him," Kurt said his voice showing how he really felt. "So that's why I'm grabbing these things, I'm just going to help him to remember that he has a family, that he has a daughter."

Mercedes looked at him with sympathy and sadness, but she was not going to let him do that, not when she knew it could affect Finn.

"It all sucks, I know. So I also know how much it hurts you, but Finn doesn't need to be pushed like that, Kurt, not now.  You need to wait, be patient..."

"I've been patient for _weeks_ , Mercedes. I've waited enough; I can't wait longer," he said putting his hands on his hips and then dropping them. "Maybe with one of the pictures he'll remember, maybe that's what he needs."

"No, _you_ need that. What he needs now is understanding; from the people who love him, the people he loves. You don't know how that might affect him. You can't tell if he'll take it well."

"Neither does the doctor. Nobody can tell that, and it's not like I'm going to yell the truth at him. I'll just... give him a push."

"Kurt, please. Don't." She sat on the bed next to Elizabeth and Kurt crossed his arms. He seemed very unwilling to change his mind. "These things take their time; you don't know what will happen today, or tomorrow. You don’t know what he might remember from a moment to another."

Kurt snorted smiling bitterly.

"Right, because that's how things work all the time. One moment they don't remember and the next a miracle happens; _boom_ , it’s like nothing bad happened," Kurt objected resentfully.

"Okay, that's enough. Sit down," Mercedes demanded harshly.

"What? Are you going to spank me?" Kurt replied indignantly.

"Hell yes, I'll do it if you keep acting like a child!" she pointed to the bed.  "Sit down."

Kurt snorted again and sat next to her with his legs and arms crossed, Mercedes took a deep breath before talking.

"I know this is not easy to handle and all you want is for Finn to recover his memory, but you know this is not the way to help him. You know that pushing him to remember is not the best right now. It hasn't even been a week since he woke up. And I know you're tired of being patient but that's the only thing you can do." As she was talking, Kurt's hard expression softened and the same look of sadness he’d been wearing for weeks came back to his face.

"I just want him back," Kurt whispered leaning down his head. He could hear Elizabeth babbling behind him, attempting to eat her shoe again.

"I know, honey. We all want that too. However, it's not your job, and pushing him won't help." She hugged his shoulders. "He's _alive_ , Kurt, he is alive and awake, and he is not paralyzed. Finn can even talk and get angry and cry. Don't you see it? He might not remember things that are important, Kurt. But he's _here_ with us when we all could have lost him in that accident; just... stop seeing the worst when there are so many exceptional things that have happened. If he's going to recover his memory, it's going to happen when it has to. Meanwhile, you'll be there supporting him and helping him to feel better. He still needs you, maybe not the way you would like him to, but he needs his friend, his stepbrother. I'm sure that eventually he'll need his husband too."

Kurt nodded silently, but he felt so despondent. Mercedes put her face in his shoulder holding him around his waist.

"You have to go to work. And I have to take Elizabeth to school and then go to the hospital," Kurt murmured a few minutes later, standing up from the bed. He was still weary and even apathetic, but he didn't take the bag with the pictures. He just grabbed Elizabeth and her diaper bag. Mercedes stared at him with worried eyes. Kurt sighed. "Look, I got it, pushing is not the way to help, and I won't do anything, okay? I'm just... so tired”

“I know, sweetie, I know,” she responded sympathetically. "Let's go, okay?" I'll come out in the afternoon. I want to see him awake and hug him. Hey, I could even convince him that he wasn't in coma but he just traveled to the future without noticing."

Kurt smiled softly. "Don't, he'll believe you"

"That's the point," she responded with a smirk. 


	6. Hello, I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Kurt are married, they have a daughter, they love each other. They have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and never go back to be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG-13 this chapter
> 
> Beta: Ca-Babs
> 
> Special notes: The idea of this fic came to me way before Cory's tragic death. I don't want to offend his memory by the general plot of this fic and I'm committed to write this because I love Kinn but also because I want to honor Cory's memory. This fic has a special dedication to him.

_Won't you tell me your name?  
…let me jump in your game,_

_….blind to every eye (s)he meets._

 

 

Kurt had just left the elevator, and barely taken a few steps towards Finn’s room, when a distant voice on his left called him. It was his father, who was walking up to him and, to Kurt’s surprise, Kurt could see that an orderly was pushing a stretcher with Finn on it. Kurt came towards them quickly, his face etched with concern.

“Dad? What's going on?” He asked, approaching his father, but he kept walking to the stretcher where Finn was. “Are you okay?” Finn looked just fine; in fact, he smiled at him.

“Hey, dude!” He grinned. Finn looked happier, and his voice sounded far better than the day before. And, although Kurt was delighted about that, he couldn’t smile him back; he just turned to his father still concerned.

"Everything is fine, don’t worry. They're just going to move him to another room," his father informed him calmly.

"What? Why?"

"Yes, they’re moving me to a room without oxygen!" Finn exclaimed excited.

Kurt looked at him incredulously; his eyes very wide. Burt laughed a little at the expression on his son’s face.

Finn seemed to realize how strange that sounded, so he tried to explain himself. "Not without oxygen, oxygen -I'll die without oxygen." Finn cleared up his mistake, and then yawned.

Kurt's face was priceless. "I don't get it," he murmured still looking at Finn.

"What Finn means is that they are moving him to a room without an oxygen conduit, or so they said. Apparently very few rooms on this floor have machines with ventilators, and since Finn no longer needs them, they are moving him to a new room.” Finn nodded at Burt’s explanation.

"Gentlemen, can you talk in the room? We're almost there, and I have work to do," interrupted the orderly. He looked very annoyed at having to stop.

Kurt looked at the man grudgingly but just nodded. They walked to the new room; it was the same size, and indeed, there weren't any ventilation machines. However, not seeing the machines in the room was bittersweet for Kurt; those machines had kept Finn alive for two weeks. But it was certainly a huge relief to know that he no longer needed them.

"Oh, cool! A t.v.!" Finn said, pointing with his left hand to the television that was on the wall opposite the bed. In the previous room, there were no electronic devices; there were only the ventilation machines and a resuscitator. In this room, though, there was even a small radio with a CD player; it was really old, but it seemed to work well.

Besides the usual chairs, there was also a sofa that sat three. It was definitely a more homey room than the other, and for some reason, Kurt felt warmer in this one, but he knew it had nothing to do with the temperature. Kurt wondered if perhaps they could fit more than two people at time in the room now. There were lots of people that wanted to see Finn, and now that he was awake, Kurt saw no reason to deny them access.

Well, the memory loss was going to be a problem, but still, he couldn't keep telling Finn's friends not to come see him if the doctor said it was ok for him to have more visitors. Kurt needed to talk to the man about it. When Finn was still in a coma, in addition to Kurt, his father, and Carole, only Mercedes and Max had come to see Finn. Kurt hadn’t wanted many people to see Finn in that state. Perhaps it was because when his father had been ill, so many people had come into his room without asking Kurt, which had only made Kurt’s mood worse at that time. However, this time, he had been able to control who entered the room or not; being Finn’s husband gave him that authority and right.

Between Kurt, Burt, and the orderly, they were able to move Finn from the stretcher to the bed in the new room. It was not an easy task because his right arm was still immobile, and Finn had little strength; having been in a coma had left his legs and arms somewhat clumsy, and very weak. Although he had slimmed down, he was still taller than them, and moving him wasn't easy. Thankfully, they did it without hurting him, but those movements appeared to be too much for Finn, because once he was in his bed, his complexion turned a little green and his eyes shut in pain. No doubt he was dizzy and exhausted.

The orderly left without a word. Kurt settled the pillow behind Finn's head gently and fanned his face with one hand. Burt got a paper towel, and gave it to Kurt to put on Finn’s forehead; he hoped that the cool water would decrease the dizziness. After a few minutes, a nurse came to the room and placed the new i.v. in Finn’s left hand, and minutes later, he gradually regained his normal color.

"Feeling better?" Kurt asked softly when Finn opened his eyes again. He was sweaty, but he smiled at Kurt, and then nodded. Kurt sighed but returned the smile; he rubbed his forehead and looked around.

His father was trying to figure out how the radio worked; obviously giving them privacy. But Kurt didn't know why he bothered; it wasn't like he was going to kiss Finn or something. Finn hadn’t recovered his memory, so there was not much Kurt could do to make his father feel awkward.

“Where's Carole?” Kurt asked, realizing that she was not there.

"She had to go to administration and sign papers for the room change," Burt said and Kurt just nodded. Apart from him, Carole was the only person authorized to sign papers at the hospital. Well, not all the papers, but at least most of them. Kurt had already signed the others documents when Finn had his surgeries.

"Guess what, dude," Finn said. Kurt jumped a bit, not expecting him to talk so enthusiastically that soon. He shook his head to indicate his lack of response. "I have a pin in my arm. I'm like a bionic man. How cool is that?"

Kurt frowned, not understanding what Finn was trying to say; how did he know about the pin in his shoulder? Kurt couldn’t remember agreeing with the doctor to talk allow Finn about the details surrounding his injuries, much less his surgeries.

"What are you talking about?" Kurt wondered gently.

"I have a pin in my arm, dude. The new doctor came and told me that today. _Oh_ , by the way. I think you’re gonna like him," Finn said the last sentence with a playful tone. And, to Kurt’s amazement, Finn winked. This time Kurt had no words to say. He just turned to his face to his father who only tilted his head slightly, in a ' _Don't ask_ ' manner.

"Wait, a new doctor? What do you mean?" Kurt asked suddenly, as it dawned on him what Finn had said. Finn rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Dude, focus: a pin. In my arm! Didn't you hear that?" Finn exclaimed, but Kurt ignored him and instead, looked at his father.

"Well, actually it was a doctor, and a physical therapist," Burt informed him. Kurt crossed his arms and straightened for an explanation. Burt continued, "Apparently, they're going to start his physical therapy now that Finn is conscious, and not waste any more time. He needs a lot of therapy; in his arm and his hips."

"Bu-why didn't you call me and tell me they were coming to see him so I could talk to them too?" Kurt demanded resentfully, and his father sighed wearily.

"We didn't know that they were coming; they just showed up at the other room,” Burt explained. “Besides, you had already told me that you were on the way; I saw no need to call you. I didn't think it would take you an hour to get here."

Finn looked at both of them, and then he spoke to Kurt. "Kurt, its fine. My mom and Burt were here, and they talked to the doctor, and to the other guy. You don't need to talk to them too. You're just my bro." He smiled casually a Kurt.

"Can we talk outside, please?" Kurt asked his father, not even thinking of Finn's words. He could hear Finn complaining, but he ignored it, and walked out of the room, followed by his father.

"Okay. What exactly did the doctor and the physical therapist say?"

"Son, they didn't say that much, really. They just came to meet us, and tell us that they'll be working with Finn to help him with his physical recovery. Everything is fine," Burt assured with a strong voice "Now you tell me, where were you? Why did it take you so long to get here?"

Kurt didn't want to drop the subject just like that; he didn't want to be left out of Finn’s care, of _his_ _husband’s_ care. However, he wanted to talk to his father about why he was late, so he let it go, at least for now.

"I was on my way here, but I decided to stop by the office and talk to my boss," Kurt explained. "I told him that if he demoted me, and put me back in administration knowing that my husband was hospitalized, I'd sue him." Kurt felt his body tense just talking about it. It hadn’t been an easy thing to do, but now that Finn was awake, he didn't feel like he did two days ago when he didn't care at all about his job.

"That's amazing, Kurt. What did he say?" Burt was obviously happy and impressed. But Kurt didn't feel the same, he hated a tense atmosphere at work and he knew it would be like that from now on at the magazine. However, he did not regret his actions.

"He's not happy, obviously. But there was nothing he could do, actually. He gave me someone to help me with the next edition, and I can send my work by email for now. I won’t have to go back to the magazine unless it's necessary." Kurt raised the hand that was carrying a portfolio. "I brought some papers, so I can work on them while I'm here with Finn. You were right, dad. I shouldn't have acted so carelessly about my job."

Burt smiled and shook his head, putting his arm around Kurt's shoulders. "Don't worry about it, Kurt. The good thing is that you won't lose the position you have there. Everything is getting better, see?" he said optimistically. "Hey, things take their time, you've seen that. We have to be patient, that's all."

"He keeps calling me _bro,_ " Kurt snorted. He stared at the door of the room apprehensively. But when his father shot him a look of sympathy, Kurt just sighed dejectedly. "I know, I know. I have to be patient, I have to wait, and yeah... I know, I'm sorry."

Burt sighed too, and nodded his head in agreement; he gave his son a short hug. When he let him go, Burt turned towards the room, making sure that Finn wasn't listening to them; then he looked at Kurt seriously.

"Look, son. I have to tell you something, but I want you to promise me that you'll be okay," he said. Kurt frowned; both confused and worried about what his father might have to say. "I've gotta go back to Ohio; tomorrow." He seemed remorseful and that made Kurt feel even more confused, and worried.

"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked with concern.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything is fine, don’t worry," he clarified quickly at Kurt’s expression. "I've gotta go back, because I have two new machines arriving for the shop that I ordered six months ago, and I don't actually trust any of my employees enough to make sure the machines are exactly how I ordered them and that they work." Burt’s explanation was gruff and tinged with guilt. " I swear, if I could set back the delivery until Finn was out of the hospital, I'd do it, but I can't. I really need to go." Burt seemed really sorry to have to return to Lima at that time.

But Kurt understood that his father needed to go. Besides, memory loss or not, Finn was out of danger now. So, even though Kurt wasn’t happy with the idea of his father returning to Lima at that moment; it wasn't really _that_ bad. Kurt understood that Burt had his own responsibilities; he also was very aware that his dad didn't like to be away from his shop for that long.

"Don't worry, Dad. It's fine, you have to do what you have to do, I understand," Kurt comforted him with a small smile. "I know you can't stay here forever, and leave the shop to your employees for so long. You go. I'll be fine"

Burt didn't seem that confident. "You sure?" he asked and Kurt couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Look Kurt, I know you can take care of yourself perfectly fine. You've done that since you were a kid. But we both know that this has been overwhelming for all of us. And we still don’t know if Finn is going to recover his memory." Burt spoke bluntly, causing Kurt to tilt his head down and bite at his lips. "See? I'm worried about leaving, knowing that you can't handle this alone."

Kurt looked up; he seemed hurt, but there was a look of determination in his eyes. "I'll handle it, Dad. Don't worry about it. I'll handle whatever happens, okay? You go and do what you have to do because I'll be fine."

At Kurt’s continued assurance, Burt knew that there was nothing else to be discussed, so he just nodded, and hugged his son one more time. Kurt hugged him back tightly.

"Is Carole leaving with you?" he asked when they stopped hugging.

"No, she wants to stay here until Finn is discharged from the hospital."

Kurt felt relieved at that; although he wouldn’t admit out loud, not right now when he had just promised his father that he'd be fine. But the truth was, he couldn't do it alone, and he knew that Carole was the one person who could help him the most with Finn right now. So it was a huge relief to Kurt that at least she'd be there.

"But won't she get in trouble if she doesn't go back to her job?" Kurt asked.

"Well, I'll go there and talk to her boss. She already called them this morning, telling them that she couldn't come back, not yet. But I’m still going to talk them in person, so she doesn't have any problems when she gets back."

"That seems like a good idea, Dad. So, when are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning; I called, and there's a flight in the morning. Can you take me to the airport? Carole wants to stay with Finn tonight." 

Kurt wasn't very happy with that, but to be honest, it was probably best if Carole kept staying overnight with Finn. At least while he still didn’t remember anything, and so that he didn’t find it weird if Kurt stayed with him instead of his mother. So he agreed to take his father to the airport next morning. They both walked back Finn’s room; his eyes were half closed, he was clearly falling asleep.

"Hey, you're back," he said sleepy when the two of them came in. "I thought you were lost or something." He smiled at his joke and then yawned.

Kurt returned the smile, and approached him, wanting nothing more than to lean in and kiss him. He felt the same way every time he saw that Finn was awake; talking to him, and smiling. He couldn't believe it was real, and yeah, it wasn't perfect; it wasn't everything he had wanted for the past few weeks. But now, looking at Finn and listening to him telling jokes; it was definitely more than marvelous. So instead of kissing him, Kurt resisted the temptation and just gently patted his healthy shoulder. If his hand stayed there longer than necessary, it didn't seem to bother Finn, who just smiled back, and asked him if he could turn on the t.v. since nobody had left the remote control in the room.

 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

 

"Hey… Kurt?" Finn spoke hesitantly. Kurt raised his head from the laptop and the papers he had in one of his hands, one of his eyebrows raised in question. "Can I ask you something?"

"Finn, I've already told you that I can't answer your questions; not until the doctor says so," Kurt explained again as patiently as he could. Finn moaned and pouted; he _actually_ pouted! Kurt didn't know whether to laugh or roll his eyes.

"Please, Kurt. I promise, I won't tell the doctor anything. I just want to know!" Finn’s obvious frustration made Kurt feel guilty. He couldn't imagine -even when he tried- how maddening Finn's situation would be. But he wasn’t about to blow everything just like that because he knew it was a risk; even if all he wanted was to tell the truth.

"Finn, stop. I can't; you know I can't tell you anything until the doctor says so," Kurt said tenderly. But he knew it was almost time for them to tell Finn the truth. The period of time that the doctor had wanted to focus only on Finn's short-term memory was about to end, and it was clear that his short-term memory was fine. The problem was that Finn still couldn't remember anything after high school. Sooner or later they would have to face reality, and figure out how to help Finn regain his memory. But the truth was, Kurt was afraid; he didn't want to imagine what would happen when all Finn’s questions began to be answered; when they all told him the truth.

Kurt had taken his father to the airport that morning, so now he was at the hospital with Finn while Carole had gone to his house to take a nap and spend some time with her granddaughter. Kurt was trying to read his papers from work, while Finn was watching some cartoons on t.v. But Kurt couldn't concentrate for long; not when Finn was trying to get information from him, or when he suddenly chuckled at some stupid joke on the t.v. Although, Kurt found it very intoxicating listening to Finn laugh; Finn had these moments when he just stayed still, looking nowhere, and his mood would change to melancholy and sadness. Kurt had a pretty good idea why, and it broke his heart to know that someone who had been buried in the past for so long was now causing Finn pain again.

"I still can't believe I lost ten years of my life," Finn murmured, just as Kurt was about to ask the questions to test Finn’s short-term memory like he did every hour. Kurt glared him, a bit surprised by the seriousness of his voice, and the meaning of his words. Finn was not looking up, but Kurt could see in his eyes how overwhelmed he was.

"You haven't lost anything, Finn,” Kurt explained gently. “You just don't remember it because of the accident." He resisted the urge to take Finn’s hand in his and squeeze it.

"Oh, really? Because I feel like I woke up in a strange world where I only know you, my mom, and Burt; and yet, you all look so different. I don’t even know where I stand, and you won't tell me." There was resentment in Finn’s words, and Kurt's heart felt so tight that it physically hurt.

If Kurt felt this way now when they hadn’t told Finn the truth; how was he going to feel when they finally did? Kurt had been so ready to tell him everything the day before; even though he knew it was against the doctor’s orders, but now he just couldn't. In fact, he didn't want to tell the truth anymore. Kurt was absolutely terrified because it was obvious that in order to tell Finn the truth, to make him believe it, they would have to explain to him why his life was currently like this. But what else could Kurt do?

"Finn, look at me," Kurt said firmly, determinedly. Finn turned his head slightly towards him; his eyes showing Kurt how lost he felt, how confused he was. Kurt had hesitated for just a second before he extended his hand to take Finn's and held it tightly. The other man said nothing; Finn just kept watching Kurt expectantly. "Listen to me, Finn. No matter what happens, you're not alone, okay? We're here for you… _I'm_ here for you." Kurt squeezed his hand and Finn just squeezed it back, not saying anything.

Kurt looked down at their hands clasped together, and he couldn't help to feel like an idiot for hoping that it would make some sort of difference, and miraculously make Finn remember everything. But things weren't like that; holding Finn’s hand, _hell_ , not even kissing him was likely to bring his memory back, at least not like Kurt wanted it. Looking up again, he could see in Finn's gaze how much it was affecting him too; in a different way, of course, but it was also obviously very painful for Finn.

Knowing that it'd be weird to keep holding Finn’s hand for any longer, Kurt let go of his hand. He tried to smile as friendly as he could, even though it hurt him that the tiny smile that Finn gave him wasn't even half as large as the one Kurt had been used to for so long.

"Thanks, dude. You've always been so cool to me," Finn admitted sounding sad, but not as overwhelmed as he had sounded seconds ago. He moved a little bit, trying to find a more comfortable position; he winced and sighed, closing his eyes. "I hope the physical therapy starts soon. I can't stand the pain in my arm, nor my hips." Finn complained as he tried to move again, but slower. Kurt stood up and walked to the other side of the bed, grabbing one of the pillows and putting it right behind Finn’s injured arm so he could lean on his right side without hurting himself.

"There, there," Kurt murmured. He finished adjusting the pillow, and when Finn stopped moving, Kurt went back to the chair next to his head. Finn's eyes were still shut; Kurt stared at him, his eyes filled with sorrow wanting to say so much, and yet scared to even say a word. "I hope the therapy helps you." Finn opened his eyes and smiled when Kurt said that.

"You can come with me to the sessions if you want to, you know?" Finn said with a smirk. Kurt pursed his lips tensely, and bowed his head trying to look selfless. Finn laughed softly. "See? This is also why I want to know things. I can't even try to fix you with my therapist; you act like that, and I don't know if it's because you don't like him or because you’re already taken. You could at least tell me that. I don't think it'd affect my recovery or anything." Finn smiled expectantly at Kurt.

As it had turned out, Finn's therapist was a young and very good-looking man, who was also _very_ gay. That's why Finn had been so amused when he had told Kurt about him, but Kurt had found that annoying. Yeah, the therapist (Kurt didn't even remember his name) had been really nice to him when he had met him the day before, but Kurt didn't know how to make Finn stop this stupid mission of fixing him up with the other man. It was more than weird and surreal, especially since the only man he wanted was the one trying to fix him up; his husband. Okay, he could easily say that he had someone, but Kurt knew Finn, and he was sure that if he said that, Finn would ask questions Kurt couldn’t and didn’t want to answer. So Kurt just stayed quiet, and pretended to study his nails; not bothering to answer.

"Okay, if you don't say anything, I won't tell you what I dreamed about last night,” Finn said after a few seconds of awkward silence. “And I'm pretty sure it was something that really happened and I just remembered it in my dream."

Kurt raised his head really quickly, his eyes wide and hopeful. "You remembered something?" Kurt didn’t even try to hide his excitement and hope.

Finn half-shrugged looking at the t.v., a little smile appearing on his lips. "I might or might not. I can't tell." He looked at Kurt playfully, and while that was something Kurt loved, at the moment he wanted to slap his arm so he’d stop playing and answer properly; for him to give Kurt an answer that actually told him something. "I think I'll wait until my mom comes to visit me; I tell her so she can say if it's a real memory or just a dream." Finn continued watching the t.v.

Kurt frowned. "Finn, please. That's not fair; you know I can't tell you anything until the doctor says so. Please, what did you dream?" He knew he sounded desperate, but Finn shook his head, still looking at the t.v., his smile getting bigger.

"Nope, sorry," he replied, sounding exactly like an ill-mannered child.

Kurt moaned, and Finn chuckled.

Carole was supposed to come to the hospital in two more hours; which wasn't so long, but Kurt’s patience was already being tested and he really wanted to know right now. It was obvious that if Finn had, in fact, remembered something, it had nothing to do with them because there was no way Finn would have been so calm and casual about it. He wouldn't have been talking about fixing Kurt up with the therapist again. But still, Kurt wanted to know, so maybe giving Finn a little bit of information wasn't _that_ bad. Besides, they had a meeting with the doctor in two hours when Carole arrived. Kurt didn't need to be a psychic to know that they were going to talk about Finn's long-term memory, and they'd probably tell him that they couldn't continue to hide information from Finn. So maybe it wasn't too bad to tell him something, as long he didn't give too many details.

"Fine, you win," Kurt sighed with resignation. Finn turned to him with a triumphant smile and made a little 'yay' sound. Kurt rolled his eyes "But I can't tell you anything about you, and I have the right to remain silent if I consider it necessary. You can only ask ten questions, so you better choose them pretty well because I won't answer more than ten. And questions about you count even if I don't answer them." Kurt tried to sound more annoyed than he really was; this time it was Finn's turn to roll his eyes.

"Jeez, dude; you sounded just like a lawyer,” Finn commented. “So proper and uptight." Then he opened his eyes, "Oh my god, are you a lawyer?"

Kurt snorted and frowned. "Of course not, but I know I better make the rules crystal clear so you don't try to take advantage." Kurt crossed his arms, supporting his body with the back of the chair. "And that counted as a question, so you have nine left." Now Kurt was smirking. _Well, that had been easy._

"What? No, I didn't... fuck, okay," Finn said as he accepted his failure. He looked at the ceiling thinking about his next question. "Umm, okay. No questions about me. Got it. So... do you have a boyf-no wait! I take that back. You might say just no, and I wouldn't know if you're single or not. Okay, I got it, what is your marital status?" Finn turned to him with a gaze that made Kurt shiver, and not just because he was unwittingly looking at his husband.

Kurt wanted to drop the ' _game_ ' right now, but he couldn’t. He was a man of his word; besides, it was still an innocent question, as long Finn didn't want to know more than that about him. He sighed.

"Married." Kurt tried to take Finn’s gaze without showing anything with his own eyes. Finn seemed truly surprised, but he smiled almost immediately; a big and very honest smile. It made Kurt’s heart clench.

"That's awesome, dude!" he cheered, as Kurt gave him a forced smile. "Just like you always say, or said? Whatever. Just like you wanted: 'Legally married by thirty'. You made it, Kurt. You made it. Congratulations!" Finn was so happy, but that only made Kurt feel worse. It made him feel depressed; his eyes burned a little, and he breathed deeply. He was definitely _not_ going to cry, _no sir._

"Yeah, okay, thank you," Kurt said tensely, not looking at Finn's eyes. He just couldn't handle the happiness Finn was showing just because Kurt was married; married _to Finn_ , for god's sake. "You've got eight more, and you better not waste one asking me who my husband is, because I won't tell you." This time, Kurt’s voice sounded firmer but he couldn't help it.

Finn was now looking at the wall, clearly thinking of his next question.

"Okay. I guess there's nothing I can ask about that, though," Finn said, a little dismal. However, he quickly brightened as he seemed to have something to ask.

Kurt bristled with nervous anticipation.

"Are we still in Ohio?" Finn asked and Kurt breathed a sigh of relief. He had been afraid that Finn would keep asking about his marriage, or even worse, if he had kids. Kurt didn't think he could talk about their daughter in this way.

"No, we're not," Kurt said. "You've got seven"

"Cool. We’re not Lima-Losers," Finn said joyfully.

 _Oh-oh._ Kurt hadn't thought of it before, but if Finn had asked about Lima then, he'd definitely ask...

"So, are we in New York?"

… _that_. Crap!

"I-I can't answer that," Kurt said, looking at the t.v. and trying to avoid Finn's eyes. This had been a terrible idea; talking about NY would mean talking about the past, about Rachel, and about what had happened then. No, it was too much. He shouldn't have started this stupid game in the first place.

"So that means no," Finn said, and Kurt didn't look at him.

"It means, I'm using my right to remain silent, Finn. So stop asking about it." Kurt knew he was being rude as he crossed his arms. "You've got six questions." He could hear Finn's sigh.

"Fine!" Finn exclaimed, clearly annoyed. It was quiet for a few moments, and when Finn spoke again, his voice was whisper soft, like he was afraid to ask. "Is she there?" It took Kurt several seconds to figure out whom he was talking about. This was unbelievable! _Rachel_ _again?_ Finn seemed to see the annoyance in Kurt’s face because he added, "It's not about me; since you already told me she and I are not together, I don't seem the harm of you telling me if she's in New York or not." Finn sounded as angry as Kurt felt.

"Are you really going to waste your questions asking me about Rachel Berry?" Kurt asked bitterly. Finn shrugged and did not even answer. Kurt huffed in frustration. "Yes, Finn. Rachel is in New York. Happy?"

"Yes, I'm happy," Finn replied with the same tone. Kurt snorted, which only made Finn angrier. "It's what she always wanted! She has always fought for that, and even though it makes me sad to know that we didn't work out, I'm happy that at least she made it to New York."

A tear fell down Kurt's cheek. Fuck, he hated crying; more so in this situation.

"Well, she's there on Broadway, as she always wanted, so be _happy!_ " Kurt almost yelled, as he stood up from the chair and walked to the bathroom, but he didn't go in. He just wanted stay out of Finn’s sight so he could clear his tears.

"What's going on?" Finn asked, annoyed, but Kurt didn't turn to him. Finn lost control. "I'm sorry if talking about Rachel makes you so angry, Kurt. But you've got to understand that for me, she still my girlfriend. I still love her, and knowing that we're not together, even after I proposed to her it kills me. But it's good to know that at least she made it to New York." Every word Finn said was like a whip across Kurt’s skin. And when Finn said _he still loved her_ ; Kurt wanted to slap not only Finn, but himself as well.

"This was a terrible idea. I can't answer anything else," Kurt walked quickly to the chair and grabbed his portfolio. He had to get out of there or he was going to do or say something stupid. "I've gotta go"

"What? No!" Finn managed to extend his left hand and take Kurt's arm before he could walk out the door. "What's going on… Why are you crying?" He sounded worried now, not angry anymore. Just really worried, and that made Kurt cry more, but he shook his head and tried to pull his arm away, but he couldn't. He didn't want to hurt Finn if he pulled his arm too hard.

"Finn, please; let me go, I have to go," Kurt begged, not looking at him. He tried to control the tears but he couldn't. He just could not stop thinking, stop hearing Finn's words, how his husband had said _he loved someone else_. " _Please!_ "

"Kurt, why are you crying?" Finn asked softly, not letting him go. "You didn't make it like she did? You’re not on Broadway like Rachel? Is that why you're crying?" Finn was trying to understand.

Kurt laughed at Finn's questions, but it was a bitter laugh mixed with the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. "Yeah, that’s why." Kurt felt the weight of the like on his heart as he wiped his face with his free hand. "Can you let me go now, please?"

Finn’s grip was tight though, so Kurt looked over at Finn, begging him with his eyes. But Finn just shook his head, his eyes full of sadness and regret. He used his grip on Kurt’s arm to push him back into the chair. Exhausted from fighting with his feelings, Kurt sat down and only then did Finn let him go. Kurt didn't move from the chair, he just kept his eyes downcast, breathing deeply.

"I'm sorry, Kurt. I didn't..." Finn sighed and he extended his hand towards Kurt. After a few seconds of thinking about it, Kurt grabbed onto it, his eyes still wet and red. "You deserved to make it to Broadway, to New York, as much as Rachel did. I don't..."

"Can we not talk about that, please?" Kurt interrupted, tiredly. Finn nodded after a second. "I just... I don't want to talk about New York or Rachel, please." Finn nodded again and squeezed his hand.

"I'm an idiot," Finn murmured. Kurt chuckled, denying it by shaking his head. "Yes, I am. All of this was because of me."

"Don't worry, I... I shouldn't have started this game. The doctor is going to kill me if he knows I was giving you information." Kurt gave a resigned shrug in Finn’s direction.

"I won't say anything if you don't, dude. I promise." Finn finally let go his hand. "Anyway, I think you're going to be mad because I'm pretty sure that my dream is not even a memory, though it felt so real." Finn’s confession was tinged with regret, causing Kurt to laugh again.

"What was it?" Kurt asked, trying not to get angry.

"Umh well, it was prom. But there were dinosaurs everywhere, dude! There were even dinosaurs with Cheerio bodies! I mean, their heads were dinosaur heads and they had human bodies dressed like Cheerios." Finn made a face while he was explaining all of it, like he couldn’t believe what he was saying. "And I was the Prom King and Rac... well, _she_ was the Queen. And umm... oh yeah! _You_ crowned me!" Now Finn was excited, telling the story. “That was the best, man!”

"It's not a dream; it actually happened," Kurt said softly, smiling sadly at the memory. Finn looked at him curiously, unable to believe it. Kurt sighed, "Brittany was the school president, and she decided to make the theme of our Senior Prom Dinosaurs." Kurt rolled his eyes in amusement. "It was certainly the craziest prom in the history of McKinley, but it was actually pretty fun. And yes, you were the Prom King, and I crowned you." Kurt smiled at that particular memory.

"Oh," was Finn’s eloquent reply. "Cool"

"Yeah. _Cool,_ " Kurt repeated, studying Finn's face.

So, if Finn remembered prom, it meant he should also remember his failed attempt at getting married and Quinn's accident. But it didn't seem like he did; maybe Finn was getting random memories. Kurt was afraid to ask; besides, Finn was comfortable now and it was probably better to wait until they talked to the doctor later.

"So, umm, Kurt?" Finn asked a few minutes later. Kurt looked at him, but Finn didn't talk immediately; he seemed hesitant, so Kurt encouraged him with a raised eyebrow. "Can I ask you something else? I promise it's not about her or me. It's just something I really want to know."

Kurt wasn't sure if it was appropriate to answer anything else, but Finn looked really curious and genuinely innocent, so Kurt nodded softly.

"Okay. Are you happy? I mean, with your husband?" Finn asked. Kurt's heart began to beat fast, his eyes going wide. "You don't have to give me details; I just want to know if he's good to you, if he makes you happy."

Kurt's felt pain at Finn’s inquiry, but he managed to smile, even if it was with deep sadness. "Yes, he makes me very happy." Kurt was able to answer honestly. "He's the best husband in the world. 

Finn smiled widely. "Good, that's good… You deserve the best"

 

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

 

"The new tomography shows that he's recovered just fine, and there’s no a permanent damage after the accident and the two surgeries." The neurologist pointed the scan that showed Finn's brain. The fracture in his cranium was visible, but apart from that, everything looked normal.

"Except that he doesn't remember the last ten years of his life," Kurt commented sarcastically. Carole nudged him in the ribs and he looked at her scandalized, but her expression was enough to calm him down. "Sorry, doctor," Kurt apologized, and the man just shook his head.

"Don't worry," he said coldly. "I know that you're all frustrated with Mr. Hudson’s current loss of memory, but this is good news."

"How?" Carole asked, really confused.

"Because this means that his memory problem can be treated in a specific way and that there's a high possibility of Finn recovering his memory," explained the other doctor. She was a woman that had been sitting next to the neurologist in silence up to that point. Neither Kurt nor Carole had seen her before; she seemed as cold as the other doctor, although maybe a little bit nicer.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Kurt asked and Carole nudged him again. But he didn't look at her this time, and kept staring at the unknown doctor. Hey, at least he hadn’t said: _who the hell are you?_

"I'm Doctor Wang; I'm going to be Finn's therapist," she explained with a tiny; really _tiny_ smile that disappeared immediately.

 _Wang?_ She had no visible Asian traits, so Kurt found her last name very bizarre. Not that he really cared, but it was still odd.

"Finn already has a therapist. He talked to us yesterday; his name is Charlie Everard, I think." Carole looked and sounded as confused as Kurt felt.

"That's the physical therapist," the neurologist said and then pointed at Doctor Wang. "She's a neurological therapist, and she's going to help Mr. Hudson with his memory."

"But, what about you? Can’t you help him with that? You know his case better than she does." Kurt rushed all of his concerns out quickly.

"I do, but I'm a neurosurgeon and surgery is what I do. Doctor Wang, on the other hand, specializes in neurological therapy; that includes memory therapy, which is what Mir. Hudson needs now"

"But how does that work?" Carole asked. She didn't seem as disturbed with the change as Kurt.

"Well, there are different ways to help someone to recover their memory; it all depends how bad the damage is and how much they don’t remember. But it always involves an approach that includes memories from both the past and the present, combined with medication, and sometimes even psychological treatment. However, I can't determinate the exact treatment that Finn's going to receive until I talk to him, and run a few tests," Doctor Wang explained very slowly, allowing Carole and Kurt to absorb what she was saying.

Well, she seemed cold, but she was definitely warmer than the other doctor, which was good, since she was going to try to help Finn with his memory. Kurt didn't think that having Finn in a bad mood was going to help him. 

"This appointment was so that you could meet her and to let you know that I'm not going to be Mr. Hudson's doctor anymore. He’ll need another tomography in three months to check his brain function, but it's more routine than anything." Carole and Kurt nodded at the neurologist.

"So do you think Finn can really regain his memory?" Kurt asked the new doctor. The neurological therapist glared at him seriously.

"I can't tell that at this point. The brain is an extraordinary organ, it has the ability to repair and replace missing or damaged parts. Finn is young, so his brain is capable of doing great things. But that’s not a guarantee he'll regain his memory." She was honest but not as rude as the other doctor. "But I'll do everything I can to help him and this time you're going to be able to help him, as well. Family support is a determining factor when it comes to memory therapy."

At least this was really good news. For Kurt, knowing that he finally would be able to help Finn recover was something that Kurt had been waiting for since the beginning; he couldn't stand looking at Finn and not being able to help him. He was going to do everything he could to help him recover their life together. This was not only for Finn; it was for them, for their marriage, for their daughter, and for their family. He wasn't going to give up; he wasn't going to stop trying until they were back to what they were before this nightmare started.   

"We'll do everything you ask us to," Carole assured with the same determination that Kurt felt. He nodded in agreement "We just want our Finn back," she said sorrowfully.

The neurological therapist sighed, and looked at them with a serious expression.

"I know you want that, and you're looking for that, but you also need to be realistic," she said with a tone that Kurt didn't like. "Even though you can see in the scan that Finn's brain seems to be perfectly fine; you need to remember that he had a very serious accident, and the fact he had been put into a coma is not the best for brain recovery. Sometimes, a person who ends up in a come the natural way, and I say natural even when it has been after an accident, has more of a chance to regain their brain function, than a person who was put into a medical coma on purpose." She tried to explain everything as clearly as possible so they would understand.

"But the… doctor," Kurt pointed at the neurosurgeon "He said it was for his best and..."

"I'm not saying Finn didn't need to be put in a coma," Doctor Wang explained quickly, before Kurt or Carole lost control against her partner. "Finn needed to be put in the coma or he was going to die. But I'm telling you the real facts. He was still in a coma even after the drugs were retired from his body. What I'm saying is that you need to be realistic; you can have hope, but you need to keep in mind that even if Finn recovers his memory, there's a _huge_ possibility that he won't recover it completely. I don't want you to feel like he won’t, but I'm warning you that this is not going to be an easy road for anybody, and there will be moments where one of you could want to give up, even he might want to give up. The fact that he's going to need physical therapy is not the best either, because both therapies require a good attitude from Finn, in order to recover. Everybody has a limit, and these kinds of treatments are always pushing people to their limits; not only the patients, but also their families and closest friends.”

A heavy silence fell in the office where they were. Kurt was not actually surprised by what the doctor had said, but it still hurt him knowing the possibility that all his fears may be real knowing that Finn might never recover his memory. And Kurt really didn't know what he was going to do if they were told that Finn’s injury was permanent and irreparable. Because the Finn that was now in his room several floors up, the Finn that had said hours earlier that he loved Rachel Berry, the Finn that felt like he did not fit in the current world because his whole being was rooted in the past; that Finn was not his husband.


	7. Glory days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Kurt are married. They have a daughter, they love each other, they have everything to be happy. But life can change in a second and it'd never be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG-13 this chapter
> 
> Beta: Ca-Babs
> 
> Warnings: Future fic but following the canon story until episode 21 of S3 and some changes and exceptions. You'll notice them during the story of this fic.
> 
> Special notes: The idea of this fic came to me way before Cory's tragic death. I don't want to offend his memory by the general plot of this fic and I'm committed to write this because I love Kinn but also because I want to honor Cory's memory. This fic has a special dedication for him.

_Now he just sits on a stool down at the Legion hall_  
 _but I can tell what’s on his mind._  
 _Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture_  
 _a little of the glory of, well times slips away_  
 _and leave you with nothing mister but_  
 _boring stories of glory days._  


“So I’m not going to recover my memory? Ever?” Finn asked; his eyes were wide, showing his fear.

Carole, who was sitting on the corner of the bed, gripped Finn’s uninjured shoulder and stroked it, trying to comfort him. Kurt was standing in front of them, supporting his body with the wall behind him; he wouldn’t meet Finn’s eyes.

“We don’t know that yet,” Doctor Wang explained. “What I’m saying is that your lack of memory isn’t from the shock of waking up after your time in a coma. It means that it might be a result of the injuries from the accident, or maybe it’s a side effect of being in an induced coma.”

Finn didn’t say anything; he was trying to understand what she was saying. Kurt was now looking at him frowning, but not really focusing on Finn. Kurt was preparing himself for what was to come. He had said no at first; he had argued with the doctor and Carole. His stepmother didn’t understand why he was suddenly so reluctant to give Finn details about his life.

But it wasn’t that difficult to understand; not really. Yeah, he had been almost begging to tell Finn _everything,_ he had been dying to tell Finn all about their life, their marriage, their daughter… everything! But hell, at the time, he also had hoped that by telling the truth, Finn was going to recover his memory immediately, and everything was going to go back to normal, just like that. Kurt thought he was going to have Finn, _his_ Finn back in his life easily.

Sadly, he could see now that it was impossible. And Kurt didn’t need to be a genius to know that the moment they finally told Finn everything, about his life and whom he was married to; everything was going to fall apart. The situation was going to become even more difficult for everyone. So now, Kurt was wishing he could be anywhere else, and silently wondering again why the hell this was happening to him; to all of them.

“How am I going to recover my memory? Am I… are you going to operate on me again or something?” Finn looked confused and lost; it was a look that Kurt knew too well. But it wasn’t the same lost look that Finn had had worn at eighteen, although his eyes, what they showed, were the same. Kurt sighed dropping his head one more time, not wanting to keep seeing Finn like that.

“I’m afraid this cannot be fixed with a surgical procedure,” Doctor Wang said, giving Finn a small smile. “We’re going to start with the simplest method we have, which, sometimes is what works the best in patients like you.”

“And that is…?”

“Telling you everything you don’t remember,” she explained. “From the tiniest details to the biggest.”

Finn’s face suddenly brightened, a smile appearing. He also seemed so relieved and excited for the first time since he had woken up.

“So, are you _finally_ going to tell me everything? Are you going to answer all of my questions?” Finn turned his eyes to his mom and Kurt, who was still looking at the floor. Even though he knew that he had Finn’s speculating eyes were on him, Kurt didn’t say a word.

“Yes, Finn, we will,” the doctor replied. “But not all at once. You might be feeling much better now, and you’re no longer in danger, but you _are_ still recovering. You must consider that you just woke up from a coma, so things need to go slowly.” She spoke calmly, making sure that Finn understood what she was saying.

“But now we can start to fill you about the events from the last ten years of your life that you don’t remember. Hopefully, you willbegin to remember things as the new information is processed by your brain.”

Even though it wasn’t the answer he wanted, Finn sort of bounced happily towards his mom. Carole was also happy, but her eyes weren’t as bright as Finn’s.

“Well, I’m sure that that it’ll help a lot!” Finn assured them, very optimistically. “I’m pretty sure that I’ll start remembering things when you tell me stuff.”

“Yes, that is always very helpful for some patients, but I need you to fully understand what I’m saying Finn.” Doctor Wang seemed obstinate in pointing out the not so great parts of the ‘memory recovery process’. “You’ll need to go back to the life you had before the accident. Sometimes, knowing things is not enough to remember. The brain needs to revisit the places it was used to before the injury to provoke memory recovery. You might be surprised by this, but memory is a system that is triggered by the senses more than actual information.” If nothing else, she spoke with a true passion about her work.

Finn frowned giving her a funny look. One that Kurt knew meant Finn wasn’t getting her point.

“I… I don’t get it, sorry,” he exclaimed loudly, clearly embarrassed. But the doctor just smiled again; clearly not making fun of him.

“It’s ok. Basically, you might remember more if you return to the places you used to visit often. Getting a chance to use your other four senses, there is a better chance that you’ll remember more easily,thansomeone just describing things for you. Each person has their own perspective of _everything,_ and it doesn’t matter if someone gives you the best description of something, it’ll never be the same image your brain already has created; even if you can’t recall it. Creating a mental image is not just about what our eyes see, what we hear, or smell. How we create that image, the perception, is dependent on the mood we are in.”

Finn paid attention to her explanation; he was clearly less confused now, and after a few seconds, he finally nodded. “That actually makes sense.” Finn didn’t sound as happy as before but was still hopeful.

“I want you to know all of this because I don’t want you to get frustrated if you can’t remember things as soon as people tell you aboutthem. It’s very important to be patient.” She looked at Carole and Kurt as she spoke, her eyes emphasizing her words. They stayed on Kurt; who, however, did not budge under her stare. The doctor smiled softly at Finn again. “Unfortunately, you won’t be able to go the places that might help you to recall things right away. You can’t leave the hospital until your orthopedist gives you the okay. Meanwhile, we, and by _we,_ I’m not only referring to you and I, but also to your family; we will need to work here, okay?” She waited for everybody to agree, including Kurt.

“So… can we start _now_?” Finn asked anxiously. “I really want to know a lot of things.”

Kurt held his breath and bit his lip.

“Yes, Finn; we can start now, but slowly,” the doctor said. “First I want you to tell me what you already know, what you have figured out by the things your family has told you, or by what you’ve seen since you woke up.”

“What… why? How will _that_ help me at all?” Finn once again was frustrated at this new condition.

Kurt, likewise, looked at the doctor truly curious as to her reasoning.

“I want to see how much you… let’s just say, how much you can catch up,” she explained.

“Catch up? Like, what have I figured out already?” Finn asked. He clearly did not understand what she was trying to explain.

“Not exactly like that,” she said. “What I want to know is if, when you to tell me something you already know, and how you figured out, if it triggers something else in your mind. Does that make sense?”

Finn nodded slowly, but he didn’t look too sure. It seemed like he didn’t trust this new approach the doctor wanted to use, so he expressed his concerns.

“I do understand, but I… I’m sorry that just seems like it won't work,” Finn complained. He sounded like a child, but it was very obvious that he was tired of this whole situation, even if he had been experiencing for a shorter period of time because of the coma.

The doctor sighed, clearly not wanting to explain herself again.

“Okay, we’ll do it your way,” Finn agreed, although not happily.

Kurt smiled to himself when the other just gave up. He knew Finn wasn’t as stubborn as he was, especially in front of an intimidating figure like Doctor Wang.

Finn grimaced at first but then he began to talk. Hestared atthe sheets between his fingers as he talked. He knew it wasn’t 2012 anymore, he also knew he had graduated from high school, and he was no longer with Rachel, but he admitted he didn’t know why they had broken up. When he mentioned Rachel, Carole reached out and touched Finn’s knee but said nothing. Kurt didn’t want to meet Finn’s eyes, so he kept pretending to look at the floor.

Finn talked and talked, and the more he talked, the calmer he became. Finn also mentioned that he knew Kurt was married but didn’t know to whom.

When he said that, Carole couldn’t help but gasp in surprise, she looked at Kurt accusingly. Kurt knew his own expression was tense and when the doctor gave him a look but didn’t say anything; Kurt didn’t know what that meant. Luckily for them, Finn was still staring at the sheets, so he didn’t even notice.

“Well… I also know that I’m still working at the shop because that’s where the accident happened the one that put me here.” He sighed. “I can’t believe I’m still there, though. I always… I always believed I’d make it, that I was going to make it out of Lima and that job at the shop; that I wasn’t going become a Lima Loser. But, it doesn’t matter where I live; I still work in a _shop_ …!”

Not longer able to watch Finn looking so defeated, Kurt stepped forward. It was time for him to set Finn straight about his career at least.

“But you made it, Finn. We-you’re not a Lima Loser, you own the shop where you work,” Kurt exclaimed firmly. “You made it out of Lima, and you have your own business! You’re not a loser at all.” Kurt didn’t care if he was already breaking the doctor’s rules; giving Finn this information wasn’t exactly ‘starting slow', but Kurt was not going to let Finn believe the worst of himself, not when he knew how much this affected Finn.

Finn’s eyes focused on Kurt’s; his pupils were shining with hope. Kurt couldn’t help but smile at him, hoping to give him even more comfort. Surprisingly, the doctor didn’t seem angry with Kurt at all. Kurt started to believe that, maybe, she trusted him enough to give him the liberty to decide what to tell Finn now, and what not to tell Finn yet. She had seen how worried Kurt was about what was going to happen now. She seemed to agree with Kurt, to not tell Finn about them right away. He was grateful and relieved to have her support in the matter.

But Kurt knew this was only temporary and they’d have to tell Finn sooner than later. However, he was going to hold on to this peace between him and Finn for as long as he could.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Kurt was going back to Finn’s room after he had eaten a quick lunch when his phone rang. He stopped in the middle of the hallway and frowned; he didn’t recognize the number of the call on his cellphone.

“Hello?” Kurt answered, still frowning.

“ _I’m gonna kill you, Hummel. Why haven’t you called me? Finn almost got killed and you don’t even bother to call?_ ”

Kurt sighed, and then groaned. He stepped over to the side of the hallway, so he wasn’t interrupting the people walking around.

“Noah, what a pleasure to hear your _lovely_ voice,” Kurt responded with his own best bitchy yet sarcastic tone.

Kurt heard the other man snort.

_“Do not even turn this on me. How could you…?”_

“Noah, this is not the best time to talk about Finn’s accident; especially over the phone,” Kurt interrupted him, exasperated. He continued walking towards the elevator; his brain working quickly. He knew this would not be the end of it. He _knew_ Noah Puckerman quite well. 

_“Oh, but if you would come down to the lobby of the hospital, I’m sure we could talk in person. If that’s really what is bothering you so much.”_

Kurt stopped his walking again, this time more abruptly.

“What?” He almost shrieked. Almost. “You are here? In Dayton?”

 _“What else did you expect me to do when Mercedes told me about Finn’s accident?”_ Puck asked sounding very angry. _“Did you really expect me to stay at home and wait for your call? Wait for you to finally call and tell me how my boy is doing?”_

 “Oh,” Kurt murmured. He was _so_ going to kill Mercedes.

“Look, Noah, I’m sorry, okay?” Kurt apologized, almost genuinely. “I cou-didn’t want this to be spread all around when things were so unsure. And, honestly, I really didn’t have the time or even the thought of remembering to call all Finn’s friends.” He knew that what he was saying wasn’t entirely true and that he had messed up by not calling Puck before.

“ _I’m his fucking best friend, Hummel. He is my boy, I had the right to know what happened to him!_ ” Kurt could tell by the serious tone of Puck’s voice that he was hurt.

Kurt sighed. “Yes… you’re right. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have kept this from you. I should have told you… I’m really sorry, Puck.” Kurt barely used Noah’s nickname, not anymore. But he did use it now, to break down the wall that had existed between them since they had graduated from high school.

 _“You’re coming down to the lobby, right? I can’t get in without your permission,”_ was all Puck said in reply to his apology.

Kurt didn’t want Puck to see Finn. Things were so vulnerable right now. Finn was asking more and more questions as the hours passed, and Kurt didn’t know how Puck’s presence would affect everything. Kurt also didn’t know what exactly Mercedes had told Puck and, to be honest, he didn’t feel like rehashing everything that had happened since Finn’s accident.

But Puck was, indeed, Finn’s best friend. Even if they weren’t as close as they used to be when they were younger, they still trusted each other as they always had. Kurt shouldn’t be thinking about what _he_ wanted, he should be thinking about Finn’s needs.

“Yes, I’m coming,” he replied before hanging up.

Just like that, when Kurt thought things couldn’t get more complicated, Puck showed up and threw a monkey wrench into not only Kurt’s life, but Finn’s, as well.

Kurt hoped that Puck had come alone. He knew he would not be able to handle the presence of Puck’s wife; not now. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Quinn, he loved her dearly, but adding in one of Finn’s ex-girlfriends would only complicate things. This was already too intense.

Noah Puckerman was standing next to the front door of the lobby. He was wearing a suit, and even though Kurt had seen him in formal clothes several times, it was always a bit of a shock. Kurt would never admit it out loud, but he’d always miss the mohawk.

To Kurt’s relief, Puck was alone. Kurt could also tell that Puck came directly from the airport as he had a small suitcase at his feet. Kurt instantly felt more guilty. Puck’s eyes were filled with hurt and there was real concern etched into his face. Kurt wondered how terrible he must have looked, because as he approached, Puck seemed to calm, slightly, his anger decreasing as Kurt moved closer.

“Hi,” Kurt said very awkwardly. He always felt that way with Noah. They just didn’t have anything to talk about, apart from Finn. They were friends, in the strictest sense of the word, but they knew their friendship hinged on Finn.

“Hummel,” Puck replied as a greeting. He took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. “What the fuck happened?” It was obvious the question had been knocking around his head from the moment he had heard about Finn’s accident.

Kurt held his breath for a couple of seconds. This was exactly what he didn’t want to do; to explain everything that had happened. But he felt like he didn’t have another choice.

“Why don’t we go to the cafeteria and talk there?” Kurt suggested. “The story is kind of long.” When he saw that Puck wasn’t so sure, Kurt added gently, patting Puck's shoulder in what he hoped was seen as a friendly gesture. “Besides, I suppose you didn’t even eat anything before coming, right? Come on, I’ll treat. It’s surprising, but the food is actually not that bad.”

Puck snorted, but nodded his head and followed Kurt down the corridor.

On their way to the cafeteria, Kurt called Carole and asked her to stay with Finn longer. He explained how Puck had arrived in Dayton, wanting to see Finn. Kurt was grateful that Carole agreed not to tell Finn that Puck was there, not yet anyway.

Puck barely ate his sandwich and chips; he was so in shock. His appetite was all but forgotten as Kurt told him about Finn’s accident; the injuries and the surgeries. When he got to the part about the coma, Kurt could see that Puck already knew about that. In fact, it was the only thing Puck knew. When Kurt finished the story, they both remained silent for a few minutes.

This time, Kurt hadn’t cried as he recalled all the awful details from the past few weeks. But he felt tired, and kind of dizzy. Puck’s face had been set like a rock the whole time; his jaw was so tense that Kurt was surprised it hadn’t broken.

“Fuck.” Puck finally said. He was paler than Kurt could ever recall seeing him. That made Kurt feel even _more_ guilty. He could see how much Puck cared about Finn. How much this affected him. They really were like blood-brothers.

“Yeah… Fuck,” Kurt whispered. He drank from his cup of coffee.

“So, now what? Are we just going to wait for him to remember _everything_?” Puck asked, his anger coming back very quickly. “What kind of crappy medicine is that?”

Kurt knew that Puck’s angry outburst wasn’t directed at him specifically, it was directed at the whole situation. Kurt shared Puck’s anger and frustration.

“Apparently, it’s the only choice we have now.” Kurt shrugged, and Puck snorted.

“And what happens if he doesn’t remember?” Puck asked. “Are you going to keep pretending that he’s still eighteen?”

“Of course not. I just told you, Finn already knows what happened,” Kurt explained a little exasperated. “Now we’re checking to see if he remembers things as we start giving him more information. Sadly, it hasn’t worked, not yet. But it’s still too soon to lose hope and give up.” Kurt knew his own tone was not very convincing.

Kurt truly didn’t know why he felt the need to justify himself, or the doctor’s choice to Puck. Although it was something Kurt felt he was constantly doing. For instance, he always felt the need to justify his actions to Carole when it concerned Finn. Kurt felt like he needed to show Carole that he truly loved her son, even though he knew deep down Carole did not doubt him. But Puck, who would kick anyone’s ass for Finn, who was so aggressively protective of Finn, Kurt felt like he needed to show Puck that Finn was safe with him; that he could, he would, also protect Finn.

But Kurt wasn’t the only one who felt this way; Finn was exactly the same way with Kurt when it came to Burt and sometimes even with Mercedes. It had cost the two of them so much to be together, they were constantly demonstrating to everybody that their relationship was real and serious. To prove that their love was real and that they would always protect one another. Sometimes, Kurt couldn’t believe how much had happened since their relationship had started. And now, remembering the way Finn looked at him earlier, it was as if none of it had ever happened.

“He still doesn’t have a clue about the two of you, huh?” Puck asked, guessing at Kurt’s exact thoughts.

“I haven’t exactly found the perfect moment to drop that bomb,” Kurt replied. He didn’t raise his eyes from his cup of coffee; he couldn’t look at Puck.

“Oh, you won’t find the _perfect_ moment,” Puck commented, “That kind of information is never really expected, you know?” His rough voice was back, and Kurt really hated it when Puck talked to him like that.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want my husband to suddenly detest me, or be afraid to be close to me,” Kurt responded coldly- glaring at Puck.

Puck chuckled roughly, which only made Kurt angrier.

“Did you just say, ‘ _husband’_?” Puck asked sarcastically. “That’s kinda weird, don’t you think? I’m pretty sure that if I go right now and ask Finn who you are, he’ll say you’re his ‘step-brother’, or ‘brother’ if you’re lucky.” His eyes were full of mischievousness. “But I’m pretty sure he won’t say ‘husband’.”

Kurt wanted to punch Puck at the moment, but instead he breathed deeply, and counted to ten before he said something. “Do you really think I’m not aware of that?” Kurt squeezed the cup in his hand with such force that a few drops of cold coffee fell onto the table. Kurt’s eyes radiated anger, but Puck seemed neither impressed nor scared. “You honestly don’t think I have to bite my tongue, literally, and not tell him the truth each time he calls me _bro_?”

“Whatever, dude,” Puck shrugged. “You’re only wasting your time by playing ‘guess what’ with Finn. You know he hates when people are not honest with him; you know he hates it when people tell him half of the truth, because to him it’s still a lie.”

“Oh, yes,” Kurt smirked, without a trace of joy. “You know perfectly well how much Finn hates it when he has been fooled, right?” Puck pressed his lips together tightly, causing Kurt to smile wider knowing he had won this small battle.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Puck finally spoke up. “And you know that lying to Finn almost cost me his friendship.” Kurt didn’t say anything, and Puck chuckled his eyes weirdly bright. “Do you really think he’s going to recover his memory if you -or anyone- give him crappy little details? Do you actually believe that if you tell him that he owns a shop, or that he doesn’t live in Lima anymore, Finn will miraculously remember everything else?”

Kurt stared at Puck- truth was, he wasn’t sure what he thought anymore about Finn’s chances to recover his memory.

“You know what I think, Kurt?” Puck leaned on the table, looking Kurt right in the eyes. “From what I can see, you could go and tell Finn that you are a rock star and he’s your manager, and he’d still believe you. He’d believe anything you’d say, and you don’t even appreciate that.” Puck’s voice was bitter. “You’re so stubbornly obsessed with your fears of Finn rejecting you, that you don’t see the reality.”

Kurt blinked rapidly trying to process Puck’s words, but he couldn’t make any sense out of it. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He truly didn’t understand Noah Puckerman sometimes.

“Finn trusts you, man,” Puck said sitting back in his chair, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter if he can’t remember a thing about your marriage. He has trusted you sincebefore the two of you were actual friends.”

Kurt frowned still not understanding where Puck was trying to go with this. “I just…” Kurt didn’t know what to say.

Puck rolled his eyes in exasperation. “You think the worst part of this situation is that he doesn’t remember your marriage or even that the two of you are a couple.” Puck said sarcastically. “Imagine trying to convince him about it if you were a complete stranger to him.”

Kurt opened his mouth in surprise.

“He is going to be pissed, and in shock and everything, but you two have a history, man,” Puck explained. He was calmer now, obviously noticing that his message was getting to Kurt. “Finn’s not stupid; he’ll get it, eventually, and he’ll believe you.”

Kurt was stunned; he couldn’t believe that Puck was actually speaking like that. Puck was basically pushing him to go and tell the whole truth. “What if he never gets it?” Kurt asked expressing his worst fears. “What if he doesn’t recover his memory and never sees me as his husband again?”

Puck didn’t even blink when he answered, “You move on.”

 _Move on? Really?_ _Move on from our marriage_ , _from everything we have been through together?_ _Move on from the family we built?_ _And why? Because of an accident that happened in the blink of an eye?_ _It wasn’t fair!_ _There should be a way to fix this!_ Kurt thought. He just couldn’t get used to the idea of letting go of his husband just like that.

“I don’t think I could move on, Noah. I wouldn’t know where to start.”

And then, an unwelcome reality came to his mind. Kurt thought about his mother; how she had died so young when she still had so much to live for. She had left Burt alone and a kid that was too little to understand why his mom wasn’t coming home ever again. Not even to say one last goodbye. And Carole had been trough a similar thing as Burt. Finn had been so young that he didn’t even have honest memories of his father, other than a spot in his heart, and an absence that had always affected him.

In both cases, Carole and Burt had moved on. It hadn’t been fair losing their partners; it hadn’t been fair that two kids had lost so much being so young. Kurt was sure that if Carole or Burt had had a choice, they wouldn’t have moved on, they were too broken to do it. But they both had done it; they had had a huge reason to move on.

And so did Kurt. Finn wasn’t dead, but that didn’t mean their path was clear. Kurt was still in a position where “moving on” was one of many paths he could follow. Even though it hurt to admit it, he knew that if he had to, he’d end up moving on. For Elizabeth’s sake, and his own.

“You’ll it figure out; you always do, Kurt.” Puck said, giving him a tiny smile.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Dude, where were you?” Finn asked as soon as Kurt returned to the room.

The t.v. was on but silent; the cartoons were back on again. Kurt didn’t see Carole, but there was a light under the door of the bathroom was on so he guessed she was in there.

“I got busy talking to someone,” Kurt explained. He put his stuff on the chair next to the door. “How do you feel?”

“This place is deathly boring,” Finn sighed. “And my arm started hurting again. I’m also getting tired of the bandage on my head; it’s hot!” Finn’s whining reminded Kurt of a small child.

Kurt walked to him, putting his hands on the supports of the bed. He gave Finn a tiny, comforting smile. Finn did not even look up at him.

“You’re such a child, Finn.” Kurt teased.

“I’m serious! Even the t.v. is not fun and I…,” Finn grimaced. He quickly looked at the bathroom door and lowered his voice. “I can’t even go to the bathroom. Dude, how am I…? I mean, was I wearing a, you know, a _diaper_?” He seemed traumatized even thinking of it.

“Oh, um… not exactly,” Kurt murmured, avoiding Finn’s eyes.

Finn grimaced, he seemed deeply embarrassed. “Gross.”

The doctor and nurses had taken out all of the catheters that had kept Finn fed and cleaned since the accident. But apparently, Finn hadn’t noticed them when he had woken up, or he had just forgotten it from the shock of waking up. Kurt hadn’t been there, so he couldn’t tell. But it was still surprising that Finn hadn’t _figured it out_.

“Finn, haven’t you… done _that_ since you’ve woken up?” Kurt asked. Suddenly he was worried that Finn had been resisting this so long just because he was too ashamed to use a bedpan, or ask a nurse to help him.

But to be fair, Kurt hadn’t thought about that either. He had made sure Finn was not in pain, comfortable, and well fed, but it never occurred to him to think about _that_ part of Finn’s bodily needs. And since he hadn’t been around Finn all of the time, he hadn’t noticed anything abnormal.

Finn’s face started to redden. “Yeah, I have. But I only peed, not…” He didn’t finish the sentence, but his face got redder. He looked so embarrassed about it, which was kind of endearing.

Kurt tried to not laugh or smile. “Finn, you shouldn’t resist that need for so long, it’s not healthy,” Kurt informed him seriously. Finn gestured uncomfortably, clearly not wanting to talk about it. “Do you want me to bring a nurse so they can give you a bed pan to use?”

“Agh Dude!” Finn shouted in frustration. “Can’t I just go to the bathroom? It’s right there! This is super embarrassing.”

 “Having natural and _normal_ needs is not embarrassing, Finn.” Kurt rolled his eyes.

This time, he couldn’t hear what Finn whispered, and before Kurt could say how ridiculous Finn was being, Carole came out of the bathroom. She smiled at Kurt and looked around the room, obviously looking for Puck, but Kurt shook slightly his head before she could ask about him.

Kurt turned his attention back to Finn. “So, do I call the nurse or what?” Finn gestured uncomfortably again. Kurt sighed; this was harder than talking to a child. “Finn, you can’t just hold it forever, you know that, right?”

“Oh, did youdecide to poop, honey?” Carole asked her son gently.

“Mom!” Finn yelled.

It was pretty obvious to Kurt now, that the _‘Finn’s needs to poop’_ wasn’t a new topic. Seriously, how long had Finn had been holding up?

Carole chuckled at Finn’s scandalized face. “I’ll go for that nurse, sweetheart. I don’t want you to get sick.” She petted Finn’s knee and walked to the door, but Kurt approached her before she could go any further.

“I can go to find one, Carole. You should go to cafeteria, remember you haven’t eaten anything in hours.” Kurt suggested. Carole was about to argue, but Kurt gave her a significant look that she understood.

“You’re right,” Carole nodded. She looked at Finn. “Honey, do you mind if I go for awhile?”

 “Nah, mom,” Finn smiled calmly. “It’s cool, Kurt’s going to be around; I’ll be fine.”

Kurt waited until Carole had left the room to talk about the main issue.

“Now I’ll go to for that nurse, so you better be prepared,” he said to Finn who only scowled at him. Kurt rolled his eyes. “Stop it, Finn. You’re not the only person in the world who needs to do this.”

Finn snorted. “Easy for you to say when you’re not the one who’s going to _poop_ in a bed pan in front of a stranger.” Finn continued to complain, but Kurt didn’t bother to respond, he just left the room without another word.

Puck was sitting in a chair next to the elevators; he looked a little nervous when he saw Kurt approaching him.

“Can I go in now?” Puck asked, trying to not sound as nervous as he looked. “Carole told me that Finn’s awake now, and in a good mood.”

Kurt gave Puck a wry smile. He wanted to change his mind about letting Puck see Finn, but he wasn’t going to do that to either of them. “Yeah, he’s in a good mood. But right now he’s with the nurse; she’s helping him with something. When they’re done, we can go in.”

 “Busy with what?” Puck frowned. He looked at Kurt, probably thinking that there was something wrong with Finn. Something new anyway.

“Nothing bad, I promise,” Kurt told him, “but please, don’t ask what.”

Kurt sat next to Puck’s chair; they both were quiet for a couple of minutes. It was an awkward silence, but neither of them had much to say.

“Dude, I can wait here until the nurse is gone,” Puck said. “You can go with Carole while I’m with Finn.” He obviously was trying not to sound bossy.

Kurt gave him a look, but then shook his head, and looked back at Finn’s door. “No, it’s fine. I’d rather wait. I want to be around in case Finn needs something.”

“Bullshit.” Puck snorted. “You just want to keep an eye on me, make sure I won’t open my mouth about all your dirty little secrets.” Puck crossed his arms and looked at Kurt.

Kurt avoided Puck’s eyes, but his silence proved Puck was right.

“I’m not a kid, you know?” Puck said when he saw Kurt wasn’t going to reply. “You don’t need to watch me.”

“First, I’m not hiding _dirty_ secrets from Finn, okay? Second, I didn’t say you’d…”

“Oh, come on. Be a man! You want to stay to make sure I don’t go and tell him you’re married to each other.” Puck did seem angry now, as well as offended. “I’m not that kind of person, okay? If you want to keep your marriage as a secret, do it, I won’t stop you.” Puck’s voice raised a little; the people walking around them looked at them and Kurt felt his cheeks reddening. “Do I agree with that decision? No. But that doesn’t mean I’ll go and ruin _the surprise_ for you.”

Kurt squeezed his lips. He did believe Puck. But he still didn’t feel comfortable with leaving Finn and Puck alone so soon. Maybe Noah didn’t intent to say anything, but Finn was going to try to get information from him. Kurt didn’t trust Puck’s willpower to keep his mouth shut once Finn showed him his puppy dog eyes.

“Whatever, man,” Puck said. It was obvious that Kurt still didn’t trust him enough to leave. “But I’m sure Finn will ask you to leave us alone anyway, and you’ll have no reason to say no to that.”

Ten minutes later a nurse came out of Finn’s room, and told them they could go in. Kurt entered the room first, trying to look relaxed. Finn was blushing deeply, but was clearly relieved, and now he was back to watching t.v. He avoided Kurt’s eyes, so he didn’t notice when Puck came in right behind Kurt.

“Well, well. If it isn’t _princess_ Finn?” Puck joked. Finn turned his head so fast that his neck cracked, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Puck?” Finn asked incredulously. His hand dropped the remote control into the sheets. A huge smile appeared on his face when he realized that it was really Puck.

Puck walked over to the bed, a similar smile on his face. He leaned in to give Finn a half-hug, then Puck looked Finn up down. His smile did not disappear, but a shadow of sadness crossed his eyes as he looked at the cast on Finn’s right arm, and the bandage covering his head.

“You’re such an idiot, you knew that right,” Puck said; his voice a little broken.

Kurt leaned against the wall in front of the bed, already feeling out of place.

“Well, I don’t actually remember what happened, so I can’t tell if it was my fault or not, right,” Finn said, still smiling. He seemed so relaxed. Kurt didn’t even know if Finn noticed he was there too.

Kurt always felt out of place when he was with Finn and Puck, he also felt invisible when the two of them talked after awhile of not seeing each other. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he felt jealous as well, but not because he saw Noah as a threat to his marriage. He was jealous of the natural connection between Finn and Puck; it was a bond that he had only seen in siblings, and he had never experienced that. Which was funny and ironic, since he and Finn had been stepbrothers before they got married. But they had never had that brotherly bond. Hell, they had learned years ago that they couldn’t really act like stepbrothers, much less brothers.

“Dude! What the hell happened to your mohawk?” Finn asked minutes. He reached his left hand out to scrub over the short hair that covered Puck’s head. “Did your mom finally get tired of shaving it or what?”

From his chair close to the door, Kurt snorted. Neither Puck nor Finn seemed to hear it.

“Oh, man. I haven’t lived with my mom since we graduated from high school,” Puck commented smirking, “and I wasn’t going to have a mohawk forever. I am a grown man now, don’t you see?”

Kurt had to bite his lip not to snort again. Growing up meant being mature, too, and he doubted that Noah had done much maturing in all those years. Yet, Kurt was the one sitting there being ignored and feeling jealous of the interaction between his husband and his ex classmate. Who was being the immature one now, right? But it was really kind of endearing that, no matter how much time passed, or how much their lives have changed, every time Puck and Finn got together, they’d act just like when they were in high school. Even now with their current surreal situation, and things so difficult to handle, Puck was acting normally, not even bothered by the fact that Finn couldn’t remember anything from their lives after high school.

“Yeah, I can see you’ve grown.” Finn answered softly. Kurt watched Finn’s eyes observing Puck’s face carefully, then his body; obviously trying to find a new memory of Puck in his head.

“So… are you married?” Finn asked after a few seconds of silence.

For the first time, Noah seemed tense; he hesitated before nodding slowly, but he did not say anything. Finn’s eyes were wide and bright. “Really? That’s, that’s awesome, man! To who?” The sadness from seeing his friend so different had disappeared from Finn’s face.

Kurt had to fight himself not to intervene; he knew it would only make Noah mad, and he didn’t want to push his luck.

Puck smirked. “Don’t be so anxious, Finny. You’ll see who, soon.”

“Oh, man.” Finn groaned, he seemed even more curious and a little bit annoyed “You’re just like Kurt; he won’t tell me whom he’s married to either. I deserve to know!”

When Finn mentioned Kurt, Puck’s lips tensed but then he started to laugh. Kurt frowned, crossing his arms knowing that Noah was laughing because of the talk they had had earlier.

“Oh, dude.” Puck crossed his arms imitating Kurt’s posture. “You’ll know who that is sooner or later, too.” Puck winked at Kurt who was breathing strongly, his heart beating anxiously.

But Finn didn’t seem to notice a change in the atmosphere, he just sighed with resignation. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He was too tired to argue.

Kurt felt relieved when Finn didn’t talk about his friend’s marriage anymore. Eventually, the two old friends started to talk about things that had happened during their senior year. Finn was still more interested in the past than the present, which was pretty logical given that he still felt like he was living in that time.

Soon, Kurt got bored, lost in his thoughts, but after almost an hour, Carole came back to the room to tell them that visiting hours were almost over. So Puck and Kurt said their goodbyes and left Carole and Finn alone.

“I guess I should find a cab, go find a hotel, and sleep there. I don’t plan on going back home until Monday.”

“That’s nonsense, you’re staying at my place,” Kurt told him, not even looking at Puck. Kurt felt so exhausted. He just wanted to get home, see his daughter, take a warm shower, and finally go to sleep.  

“You sure? I don’t wanna be a bother,” Puck seemed honestly concerned about disturbing Kurt.

That made Kurt feel guilty again about his earlier cold treatment, but he just shrugged. “You don’t be bothering me, Noah. You came until here to see Finn, I won’t let you stay the night in a dirty hotel. Come on, I’m sure you’d love to see Elizabeth. She’s bigger than the last time you saw her.”

Puck chuckled. “Oh yes, I bet she is. That girl might not have your or Finn’s genes, but I bet she’s growing so fast, just like her dads.”

Kurt laughed out loud for the first time in weeks.


End file.
